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I Can't Make Friends

I have a tough time making friends. The only real time I had a friend is when I had a girlfriend, she was into the same stuff and I was and I was happy. But she ended up cheating on me then breaking it off the first day of my junior year. That's when I stopped being able to make friends.

I spent the first 3 years at one highschool and sunk into depression after finding out both my parents did meth and my mom was still on it. On top of this, I have bad cystic acne that I'm currently under treatment for. I never felt confidence in myself since.

My grandmother had an intervention for my mom but she rejected it. I've since been living with my grandmother for the last 4 months. It's a really hard change for me and my confidence is lowering still. Now I'm at a new highschool for my senior year. I had such high hopes for this year, but now I'm not so sure. I've made no friends so far.

I just need some reassurance in knowing my situation isn't unique. How do I cope with this stuff? I feel really discouraged at making friends and I just feel a little desperate at this point. I just need one person, a friend or girlfriend, who I can spend time with; someone I can be close to. Does anyone have any advice for me?
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First Helper verne01

replied September 5th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
I wonder why you chose the name Beatnikzombee?

Getting rejected can make people behave in a negative way - defensive and standoffish so that people think they don't want to be friendly.
Behaving that way is a form of defence against more rejection and mostly people don't realise they have built themselves this sort of shell...

I suggest you take a good look at yourself and ask yourself the question - would you make friends with yourself?
If your answer is doubtful or a resounding "no" that will be part of your trouble - in order to attract friends by having people like you for who you are, you must first learn to like yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.

I can assure you your situation isn't unique.

Some people overcompensate by trying too hard to make friends. This also puts people off.

Could be your life so far has slowed down the development of your social skills and you aren't interacting with people at the same level as the rest of your age group...

A hobby or an out of school interest that forces you to mix with other people would be good or simply chatting randomly with people of any age will begin to teach you how to be at ease with people and to be able to communicate well...
Social skills must be learned in the same way as anything else must be learned from potty training onwards!

In my early teen years I had a bicycle and an insatiable curiosity - riding around the district and if I saw someone busy I would ask them what they were doing and why...
I learned more that way about stuff than at school - including some cuss words!

I also talked with adults a lot - adults know lots of things and if you want or need to know stuff about social history or how much stuff used to cost or what good and bad manners are and all sorts of things you need to ask people who know, especially the older folk - you will be learning more than you think and it is a good way to develop social skills...

I hope this helps you a little...
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replied November 29th, 2012
Let me say that I think you are very brave for enduring your parent's drug usage so well. Many teens in the averse circumstances you are in would have given up on life, which is ABSOLUTELY WRONG!

Life is unique and precious. Even the most awry and difficult of circumstances can be transformed into joyous, blissful moments. I come from a Christian background and was taught that god never does things to hurt us, he only acts out of love even when we least realise it. We need faith to see his shining grace in our dark times. Faith in Jesus Christ has given me the strength to enjoy life for what it's worth, such as the simple tranquility of a sunny day or a nice green park.
I hope that you find the ability to always enjoy life no matter how difficult times are and from what you've described, you have it pretty rough so stay strong friend.

As for making friends, what I found to work best for me was be a friend to others regardless of how they act towards you. Always be kind and polite to them whenever you can (at first this felt like once in a month because no one would speak to me because of my ugly appearance). In high school this could be simple things like offering food such as a piece of fruit, chips or chewing gum, offering stationery and helping out whenever you can. People will be more accepting of you for this. Never engage them directly unless for a very short conversation, because I found this made me seem desperate for a friend. Always be casual and polite, never full on.

This may sound harsh but I think you need to accept that the key to enjoying life isn't through friends but yourself, as in the end you decide if you'll be happy or sad. Don't become so desperate for friends that you let it consume you. When you recognise this, you'll find that friends will come more naturally.

Good luck and god bless
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