Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

I can't even breath anymore, he ripped my heart out

Okay so here it is... I met my ex on a website that was kinda for casual dating... So we started talking and he came across as the most sweetest attentive smart compassionate guy I have ever met!!.. I mean he really blew me away, even though we were starting out not serious he started sending me Uber's that I'd take from my job to my house because I had a 20 min walk and I was working 3pm-11pm and he said he didn't want me to walk home that late. (This is even before we met in person). We were texting all day and night and we would talk for hours at a time. So I was already taking a liking to him he really stood out to me even though I wasn't really looking for a boyfriend just something very simple at that time but it was very nice of him.

So then we meet, he meets me at my job and he is again the same sweetheart if not even better in person. From that day on we spent every weekend together, I was living at my family's house and he was living at his family's house also. Honestly To be the age he was and still at home maybe should have been a red sign but I didn't see it like that because he was sooo good to me.. So he was 20 years older then me, (I was then 27 I'm 28 now) he later told me his relationship before me of 3 years ended because his ex spit in his face and he almost choked her to death and got locked up and went to jail and he lost his house and everything so he winded back at home.. So that's fine. (Probably wasn't) So he would always get a hotel every weekend and we would go out to dinner and then spend the night with each other. It was amazing we made love we laughed we drank he was so super protective of me, if I was having a bad day he would rush to my rescue (he lived almost two hours away) It was amazing he literally was treating me like his wife and we kind of started to fall in love. He had told me within the first month of us meeting that he really loved me. I actually felt a little weird because I thought it was a bit premature but when the second to Third month came around I started to feel for him as well and I asked him "Are you falling in love with me" and he said "yes I am" So as much as this had started out "Casual" we had fallen for each other. And so I started to let my guard down. He seemed perfect And he kept doing the unthinkable things.. He then took me and my mother out to dinner and that was huge for me and my mother Loved him she thought he was a keeper. And so it was perfect! He was my best friend we talked about everything and anything... He was literally my prince charming on steroids! I then started to feel like I have found the one I have found the guy for me finally!

So here are some things I kinda glimpsed by because I was so busy caught up in him sweeping of my feet. When we first met he did mention to me that he takes meds for some anxiety and stuff, and he goes to therapy every two weeks. So I heard that and I just thought maybe he has a bad case of anxiety.. I had kidney failure about three years prior to meeting him and I was on prednisone and I had gotten bad anxiety as well. So I took Paxil for a while, so I was familiar with anxiety and didn't think anything of it... (Boy was I wrong for not prying) Also he said that he has father abandonment issues (his father left his mom and she had to raise him and siblings) and he always keeps dating women with children trying to Fill that void of being that father for kids without fathers in there life. And he winds up raising them and he didn't have any kids of his own... The last ex had two children and so did his ex wife and others before that.. It always ripped him apart when he had to separate from the kids. So he made it very clear he is in therapy and needs to break the pattern and he also said he would never date another women with kids. He said the last relationship got so ugly and he lost it and he never wants to repeat that ever again. So I heard that and I was like okay I get that.. I was single no kids never been married so I figure he really liked me because of the no baggage situation and that was a plus for him..

So now his family knows of me and I have spoken to his sisters on the phone and via FaceTime and they asked when I was coming over they like to meet me.. And things are great. We had one hiccup where we got into a fight on New Years and he definitely overreacted and said he wanted to talk to his therapist before we made up.. And that kind of was odd I thought he'd just process it himself and know he loves me and we'd make up but he was very aggressive with not making a decision until he talked to his therapist. So deep inside I said to myself, I hope he'd come out wanting to make up because I loved him SOO much already and it was a stupid drunk fight.. So right then I felt like I was in limbo and I almost felt like I was not only dating him, but his therapist too since he couldn't make the final decision on his own. SOO that was wired. But he came back and was like it's fine let's make up, I love you so much. And we proceeded like nothing happen. So I really wanted to move out of my family's house and my credit wasn't good so he signed a lease with me for a apartment that I moved into and this is about a year now.. Now he is always over and spending the night and everything was amazing he helped me decorate buy things for the house.. He was buying gifts like always, It was bliss.
He had now finally wanted to bring me to his family's house he had mentioned he would have brung me sooner then a year, but he wanted to make sure I was around and considering he had broke up with the ex 6 months before we first met he didn't want to rush. And I thought that was perfectly fine and made sense.. So we are getting closer and closer and I am totally considering all possibilities even marriage. I am the happiest I have ever been and he appeared to be as well.

So one day all of a sudden, I made a joke with him like I usually did, if he messes with me he'll be stuck with me because im so amazing and he would usually say no he's amazing and we would both laugh.. It was a joke I have made all the time.. But this time he just came back with a serious response.. He said "well not if I find a girlfriend I wouldn't be dating and sleeping with you" and he was so deed serious I tried to laugh it off but he didn't laugh and I was put off and I kinda got upset. So the next day he came over and he was like a different person. He was cold and he didn't mention anything about the comment and how it hurt my feelings, knowing how I feel about him and how we felt about each other. So we started arguing and he was saying he can be with someone else and who am I to tell him who he can and cannot date.. We had both agreed that we wouldn't be with anyone else so it broke my heart that he was speaking to me like that.. And so I said if you feel that you want to actively look for someone to date then why are we together and he said "you know what this is".. So we had not talked for a couple days and I was extremely hurt and I heard Nothing from him. So I reached out and said let's talk and we did.. and He was saying how he has issues and that they are serious and I don't understand how serious it is and that he's Bipolar. That was the first time I had even heard him say that. So I didn't know what that even meant, but I said okay well I'm sorry about what happen and let's work it out.. He had always made comments that were mean sometimes, but he'd ALWAYS immediately apologize for being mean, and we'd always make up instantly so this time was really weird... So he said well let me talk to my therapist first, and we'll see from there but as of now I don't want to get back together. And like the other time, I was a bit annoyed of him not being able to feel me and want to make it up with me especially since he was being very mean and cold to me. And the fact he didn't want to make it work off the bat was hurting me too. So we went back and forth with little Communication, for two weeks until his session and he was super distant didn't want to come over, wasn't texting me anymore, it was like he had changed into some else.. So he finally goes to his therapist and he comes back with, nope my therapist agrees with me we should be done. And I was so baffled! I was like but why because we had a small argument and he started to say he didn't want to continue these bad patterns and I was like WHAT PATTERNS?! And said that he is doing too much for me, and it's not healthy for him and he can't do it anymore.. So this went on for THREE months of back and forth me saying well let's be together and we both work on changing your patterns together, I was even willing to go to therapy With him .. And he would say, Okay but you want more then I can give right now, I can't be in a relationship right now. Then he'd say wait don't leave, let me ask my therapist and then he would come back with a "No it's not healthy for me" and I was trying so hard to make it work and he was just mean cold and just wanted nothing to do with me anymore.. Like he had never met me before and he didn't even know me. It DESTROYED ME! I had lost my best friend.. He wouldn't text me, see me, nothing anymore.. He had cut me off cold turkey and said let's just be friends. Now fast forward to the end of the three months we went back and forth "trying to work it out" He finally came over because I said I had missed him and AGAIN was going to try and make a attempt to "work it out", because nothing I had been saying, had been getting through to him, and I just couldn't understand how he could treat like that. When he came over he was SUPER distant... So a conversation came up and he said "oh well if you want to talk next weekend, it wouldn't be a good time to text me because I'll be in Florida", and I said "oh okay". I asked, "with who with your family"? and he said "no with a girl" and right then and there my heart ripped apart.. I said "what girl?" He said a girl he had be seeing for about a couple months now.. And I asked if it was serious and he said "no not serious at all, but I'm sleeping with her" and my heart just stoped and then I said "wait while we have been going back and forth trying to fix this, you've been with someone else" and he's says "yup" and I started BAWLING so hard and he was just sitting there like cold faced. He pulled me over to his Chest but didn't even put his arm around me and I literally soaked his shirt and cried for about 30 mins.. So then he wants to leave as I'm still crying, and that made me cry even more.. So now he's leaving and I go downstairs and he says to me stop crying I promise I will make it better, I'll do better please I love you it won't be perfect but it will get better and I still cried and went back upstairs totally DEVASTATED..

So the next day He had FaceTime me and I tried to hold it together but I broke down then as well, and I just wanted him to come over and console me and he refused saying he has a date that night. I couldn't understand how he just left me like that, crying begging for him to be there for me.. And I couldn't understand how he out of nowhere, just changed on me, like I was nothing, like the last year we spent together inseparably meant NOTHING.. I didn't even know who he was anymore, the guy I loved, if I had a bad day would flee to me, if I was sniffling he'd come running with medicine and stay with me.. Who was this person!!! I was lost, hurt and feeling the lowest of low... He had started to reach out a bit more afterwards and wanted to go to dinner, so I did. Even with all the hurt feelings I loved him and was hoping he'd realize he was breaking my heart. We had dinner and I said I wanted to stop all of this and get back to who we use to be, and he went on to say that he wants me in his life but he is seeing someone else and I started to ask questions like do you love her and he said "Yes" and I said you just met her and he said when I just met you I said "I love you" and he said I'm free with love.. Then I asked him if he see's a future with her because if so I will bow out because I don't want to be hurt anymore. And he said no but she has met his family already.. My heart dropped AGAIN, I was completely confused. I said it was over a year before I met any of your family and he just shrugged and said I am being open this time around open to all possibilities.. I was lost then he told me she had Two kids and then I was really baffled.. I told him of all people why would you want to date the same exact situation you just got out of and you swore you wanted to change and you were going to therapy for.. He just looked delusional... I said how could you do this to me we didn't even part ways yet, I love you so much and you are moving on with someone else in the meantime like I mean nothing to you?!.. It hurt me to my core. I totally didn't recognize this person, he was cold and mean. He then began to say that his family said who is this person when he brought her over, and why are you dating someone with kids AGAIN knowing his issues with it.. And they criticized his therapy saying it's not working or he should UP his dosage because he not progressing.. And he said he told them to mind there business, maybe they need to be on meds because he's fine. So I said to him, I love you I want to be with you and I can't be in limbo with someone else, if you want me it has to be us like before.. I asked him straight up do you see yourself with me and he said yes I do and I said then let's make it work.. and he said AGAIN okay let me talk to therapist about it, and I was already broken kind of already knowing how that pattern now goes.. But I said okay with no hope what's so ever.. He kissed me goodbye and I just waited brokenhearted, thinking how could he pick someone he just met over me, I was with him for over a year.. And after his session he came back and told me that AGAIN his therapist agrees with him and he needs to go through the process of dealing with someone with kids even though he doesn't want to be with her, he said he just wants to go through the process.. I said but you don't see yourself with her in a relationship or taking care of her kids? And he said that it had nothing to do with her or her kids or how he felt about her, it was important for him to go through the process of doing it.. And he said yes it seems like he's just playing with people's lives but it is important for him to do, and he doesn't care about what his family thinks or me or her it's about him and his growth.. And he said he thinks there could be a reality where he dated someone with kids and he didn't have to take care of them and separated it.. I said when you date someone with children and you move in and move forward, you are taking on the responsibility of her and her children not just her it's a package deal.. And he just said no no and he had just officially lost me.. He wasn't even making sense anymore.. And he was then now getting annoyed and tried to rush me off and at that point I was so hurt I couldn't even talk anymore sense to me he had made his decision... This was yesterday and I've been having anxiety, suicide thoughts, and all types of depression and I just don't understand.. I had did some research on the disease during the three months we were in limbo and I read that when bipolar people hit mania, they can become destructive and hurt people, So I'm wondering if how he went from Prince Charming for a whole year to a complete cold ruthless person, I've never seen before, If that's the episode he is going through now. Please help I am lost, heart broken, and none of it makes sense and I can't even breath anymore..
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 8th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
Bipolar individual switches from depressive mood to manic phase due to many psychosocial stressors. He would need mood stabilizing drugs and antipsychotic in this situation.

I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Did you find this post helpful?
Quick Reply
DISCLAIMER: "Ask a Doctor" questions are answered by certified physicians and other medical professionals. For more information about experts participating in the "Ask a Doctor" Network, please visit our medical experts page. You may also visit our Bipolar Relationships , for moderated patient to patient support and information.

The information provided on eHealth Forum is designed to improve, not replace, the relationship between a patient and his/her own physician. Personal consultation(s) with a qualified medical professional is the proper means for diagnosing any medical condition.