I hate change, thus its killing me. I hate my life, an almost everything in it. It seems everyone has a plan, even if that plan is using drugs. Or screwing every girl they can find. I have none of these, my only positve light in an my best friend who is going through a horible rough stent with deviorce soon to come. She has gone from my life for awhile as she wants to clear her head, i want to give her that space, an i have but i am afraid i will lose her, as she might enjoy where she is now, an stay leaving me here. alone.
I haveburied myself in my art work and film company, but nothing beats the love i feel near her, a love sometimes i worry is one sided, but she lets me holld her while we watch tv. an rub her feet without question.
My job pays enough to keep the bills away but not enough for my own four walls so like a loser i sit here in my fathers house, listening to him babble on an on, i mean i know he needs someone {mother ran off, an daughter is a hermit...an other son sadly gone sciz.} but now i feel trapped.
i am unmotivated an fear i will rot because of it.because i am too weak to fix this life i hate so much
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