Alright so I'd like to say my circumstance. Keep it positive and try not to make me cry lol but I'd like to hear your thought and what you would do in my shoes.

Alright 3 1/2 years ago my boyfriend (who's now my husband) and I were trying to have a baby. I was very open to the fact I wanted kids with him and I wanted them now lol. Well we got pregnant within 3 months. I coincidentally I lost my job a few days after, days later we lost the baby, and we basically had to move back with his dad and start all over. We were incredibly young (1Cool and I see that we obviously weren't ready and life was telling us this. So fast forward to now and we have been married over 2 years and we are getting ready to by our first house, our jobs are good and things are awesome. I have been ready since the day we got married and we said we'd wait a couple years. He's now saying he wants to wait 2 more years and I don't think its at all fair. Aside from this I have not been on birth control since we got pregnant 3 1/2 years ago and my husband finishes inside me every time. Now I'm not sure if its considered "wrong" to try by myself to get pregnant since he knows that it may happen. I just got checked and the ok from my obgyn, I'm on prenatels (my husband knows these things as well). However he just started finishing inside me (a few mths back) and I time it before or after my ovulation days. I'm kind of sure the last time just scared the crap out of him and he may never feel ready. We are turning 23 this year and I want to start our family so bad. It hurts inside. It hurts me that he doesnt seem to be considering HOW MUCH i want a family. I'm a nanny and have been working in childcare for 5 years now, so I love children. I just want to hear your thoughts. SOrry for it being so long!
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replied May 18th, 2009
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why does he want to wait
Is it he is wanting to wait for the house to happen maybe he is nervous about setting up home & security for you all, so the first question is is he stressed?
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replied May 18th, 2009
no we will get a house within the next 4 mths..in all honesty im doing alll the work behind it lol. The only thing he gets stressed about is his work sometimes. He has said he now wants to wait till he's done with school. Which is in two years. He works full time and also goes to school two nights a week.
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replied May 18th, 2009
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So is there acomunication problem between you? what is causing the disagreeance he must have a reason for his response. I guess one thing that is a good positive for you both is that you are still young, i know you are keen to start a family but given the economic situation of the world maybe waiting to see what direction that takes might be a God sent blessing. Is that what he's thinkin but is not letting you know? what do you mean try by yourself to get pregnant? not sperm bank etc? you two need to talk about your problems. in a quiet calm manner.
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replied May 19th, 2009
No not a sperm bank. More so me just not skipping sex during my ovulation.
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replied May 19th, 2009
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input from a guy in the same situation
Hi there. So I am kinda in your husbands situation. My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly 5 years and she is getting anxious over when we will get married and start a family.

All of her friends are either married with kids, or dating with kids. Family members are having kids - so its always on her mine, and honestly it drives me crazy.

Currently, I am a full time student and unemployed and she just graduated and is employed. She is ready to move on in her life but I am not. I, for myself, need to finish school. I have told her this and explained it several times... I need to do this for me (i screwed that up once a few years ago) before I can move on with anything (her or anyone else).

I have told her countless times that I wont even consider marriage before I am done with school, I have three semesters left. She doesnt understand, rightfully so I guess. I have even gone to the extent of telling her if she doesn't quit with the relentless pressure despite my love for her I would leave her. I want to be able to provide for my wife/family and right now I am unable to do that.

We have sex fairly regularly and she is on birth control (the shot) but she is always begging me to finish inside her and it have become even more of a paranoia that she is trying to entrap me - which is why I usually pull out or wear a condom.

Anyways. Sometimes the pressure of all the surrounds can have a negative impact on a guy. You are still young, and maybe he just wants to have a stable foundation to start a family on. That is my goal and intentions. I feel my girlfriend would make a great wife - but I would have no problem leaving her if she keeps pressuring my into a marriage I am not ready for. Its easier to break up than get a divorce.

Best of luck to you.
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replied May 19th, 2009
You know I definatly understand where you are coming from BUT my situation is a bit different. I know that my husband is wanting to have a stable foundation and so we are buying a house. And to be honest I'm willing to wait a year to get the house ready. But what doesn't make sense to me is if he truly doesn't want kids now why would he finish inside of me (he does this on his own I don't tell him to) knowing I'm not on BC?
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replied May 20th, 2009
Experienced User
maybe he thinks hes been doing it for years and you havent gotten pregnant so he thinks you wont. He may not realise that your timing the sex so you wont get pregnant or maybe he does realise and thats why he feels its safe to do so.If you do decide not to tell him and have sex on your fertile days this may drive him away and you may very well end up a single parent or he may accept it and get used to the idea that he going to be a dad.But this is a risky situation and not one i'd like to be in.I was 21 when i concieved my son and like you my long term b/f would finish inside me but we had discussed having a baby and both said when it happens it happens.It didnt happen for 3 years! and by the time i concieved i think he was very very shocked as we been doing it for years and nothing had happened.When i was 7 months the pressure became to much and he left me until my son was 1 month old (not to long which is good)but those 4 months where the worst of my life.If i were you i would talk with your husband tell him that at the moment there is nothing to stop you concieving and that you would like to try now as it may take a year for you to fall pregnant and then carry for ten months so the two years will be almost up by then.Also tell him how upset you are about this (It takes most people 3months-1yr to concieve)do some reasearch on the internet show him this do all you can to convince him but i really wouldnt just get pregnant i really would make sure he knows that at the moment you could concieve anyday.I know this is scary as he may say oh well im not doing it anymore then but it really is better than him blaming you for him not thinking things through.Good luck and i really hope you can talk him around on this (it's really important that he see how unhappy this is making you)
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replied May 20th, 2009
Thanks DarkDesire85. Your first sentence is exactly my worst fear. I honestly believes he doesn't think I can get pregnant. But my OB just thinks it will take a little more time. After talking to a close friend about it, I am going to wait. I'm just getting ahead of myself and I'm very very impatient. It is breaking my heart to wait but I think what I will do is wait till we get our house and fix it up. Once that is done I will bring it up again. My ideal time is a year from now. I'd like to find a job that I can either go part-time with a baby or quit all together. But your post was exactly what i needed! You seem to understand and give me the best answer. Thanks a bunch Smile
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