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Husband not interested in sex

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iam a concerned wife, am asking for any input as to why my husband dont care for sex , I have been completely patient and trying to be helpful and understanding, I know he has varcoceles in both testicals and seem to have no drive excepts only when he wish to have sex, I am notthat bad looking nor not caring, wehave been married for over 8 years and he does have premaute ej how can i do anything beeive me I have tried everything possible and its affecting our marriage, He only wishes to have sex maybe 2 a month if iam lucky and last for maybe 30 sec, I love my husband but i feel so diconnected to him and agood sex life is so imortant of a good realation ship, iamat my wits end, i wish to havemy need as well hes 30 am 46 and i have been very patient and try anything to help him. any help would be appreicated I dont know how much longer i can deal with him and stay happy hemakes me feel so unwanted and if i try any thing new or anything differrnt to try and help or he shuts me off and tellme so go to sleep maybe next week. he has some issues somewhere i dont have anymore clues. any help please any ones experiences iam dumbfounded, and he dont think this is a problem and its my fault.
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replied August 2nd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but it is still important. Do you guys have a good relationship otherwise? Do you communicate well? Are there any other problems, like financial difficulties or infidelity?

Has it always been this way or was there a time earlier in your marriage where you had sex more often?

Does he have any health problems? Stress? Does he take any medication?

Why does he think it's your fault? Did he say that?

Do you think it may be the premature ejaculation that may be ruining his confidence? Has he tried things to make it better? Like masturbation to train himself to hold it back? Also, only having sex twice a month may be contributing to the problem if he isn't clearing things out on his own. If it's all backed up, it comes out much faster. If he were to masturbate earlier in the day or the day before, he may be able to hold things back for longer.

Most of all, have you been patient and understanding about his problem? If he feels shamed or like he's disappointed you, that won't make him feel like working on things. You have to understand what he's going through and let him know that you do. Put yourself in his place and then have him put himself in yours (but do it in a calm, understanding way). Tell him you want to understand how he feels so you can work on things together. It's no one's fault, but you can only fix it as a couple. Tell him it's not just about sex, it's about wanting to be close with him and having that intimacy. Maybe try being intimate without having sex. Kiss, hold hands, snuggle on the couch or in bed, etc. Build that closeness and that trust and maybe he'll open up to you more about what's wrong.

Good luck.
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replied August 3rd, 2009
nice reply however its been 8 yesars of this and we have discussed this with professionals, a person can only do so much and keep trying, hold hands ya ok u know its like he dont care he do wish to try, he doesnt think sex is important at all, and he doesnt spend alot of time doing much of it, my grandparents where married 61 years and the words of wisdom he said the honeymoon was never over, ya u dont need sex all the time but its nice onc in a while
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replied February 4th, 2012
Sick of Ed ruining my happiness
I think I'm just gonna cheat. I'm sick and tired of not feeling sexy and wanted. My husband doesn't want to work on it , he blames me and makes excuses and gets mad when I bring sex up. We don't even have sex once a month, once in a while he will go down on me but that's like once a month. All I know is I'm sick of it! I has more sex in the lesbian relationship I was in before I met him. Why should I give up something I love for someone who is too selfish to even try to please me? He's not even affectionate any more..... I feel like we're just friends that live together, we hardly ever go out ever... I want romance and I want to be wanted, so if he can't give it to me, what's the point? I should find someone who will......
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