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Husband has low T, but it's hurting me too.

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Ok, so my husband and I have been together for almost seven years, married for just about five of them. We have two young children together and we do love each other. We are great together, like best friends all the time. But, he has low T and it's killing me.

We rarely have sex, and when we do, I have to beg for it. I try to just "go for it" with him, but he isn't interested. It hurts being rejected so much, but I need him so I have to keep asking for it. I've tried every persuasion technique I know, anything to try to get him turned on or interested in me, but nothing works. I've tried to deal with my desires myself, but it doesn't quell the need. He is supposed to be getting injections for his low T, that I give him, but he always makes me put them off until another time. On the rare occasion that we actually do get intimate, the foreplay is terrible because he isn't interested and it feels like he doesn't care. The actual sex is so bad it makes me want to cry, I just want to turn back the years back to when we first met. In the end, we both get frustrated because he can't satisfy me though I am able to get him to release, which he doesn't even enjoy anymore.

I don't know what to do. I've looked everywhere for information, tried to be supportive, tried to keep him on a schedule, even learned how to give injections to save him the embarrassment at the doctor and the co-pays. I know, you all are probably just going to say that I should get off my high horse and support him more, but I am just at the point where I don't want to anymore. I need him sexually and he isn't there for me. My self esteem is in the shitter, an all time low, and I just want to run into the arms of anyone that can give me what I need. Should I just demand another partner on the side or should I leave?

Please, any advice to help me cope before I pack my things and leave, please let me know. Hell, I would even be interested in any ways that I can get rid of my sexual needs. I am tired of needing him and it's ruining our marriage because I am turning bitter and hostile. Is there some sort of medication that can kill my libido, because that would solve all my problems. It would be better for both of us, because I wouldn't be begging him all the time to touch me, there wouldn't be any rejection to hurt my feelings every time, there wouldn't be any more frustration between the two of us. Any ideas?

Please help! Crying or Very sad
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replied January 19th, 2014
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Well first of all I would suggest telling him your feelings on the situation. Not because that I think that it will get him moving, but, for you to express your feelings and that is it.

That being said if you do want to stay by his side then I would suggest talking him about alternatives for you have sexual stimulation (ie vibrator so forth). I say this as means to help him be involved with the situation not for him to be a decider. To be honest as much it might hurt his pride I would do this even if he rejects the idea.

As to the second partner thing I would be quite hesitant to suggest something like that as with sex comes feelings. Well for regular people anyways.

As to the injection just be stubborn as he is. I mean what do you have to lose since you already considering leaving him?

Or the best choice of all is if your financially able to consider a psychologist/marriage councilor.
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Users who thank Pipsy for this post: nordi 

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replied January 19th, 2014
We've talked about it alot, I can talk to him about it until I am blue in the face, but nothing ever changes.

As far as toys go, I've had so many and worn out so many it's unreal. It's gotten to the point where they don't do the job anymore.

I do want to stay with him, but I am just fed up. As far as being stubborn about the injections go, I am down to stabbing him in the butt cheek with it while he sleeps (which would be a horrible idea). I guess I could give him back rubs with the testosterone cream we have (kind of a covert way of giving him the stuff). But in all honesty, even when was on a schedule of injections and doing well, the libido didn't improve at all. I just feel like I am at a brick wall.

I will suggest the therapist, but I don't know how that will go over. The last therapist/marriage counselor that we went to said he was fine and that he just needed to continue his testosterone meds with his doc. Sad
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replied January 26th, 2014
Experienced User
I lost all my hormones in 2005. So I have to have testosterone shots. Since I lost all my hormones the cream did not do anything, in fact it took about 8 to 10 months for the shots to begin to help.My wife gave me the shots until she was struck with Alzheimers. My daughter gives them to me now.
I do know what you are talking about since my wife has alzheimers. I have not had sex now for 14 months.
I have always had a high sex drive.
Your problem. It seems that the low T is not really the problem. The problem seems to be your husband. The low T can be fixed with shots. If he is not willing to take the shots so he can care for your needs,he is driving you into another mans arms.Sit down and tell him of your needs and how very important it is for him to take care of your needs.
As for you taking something to lower your libido. I would not do that.
I had a couple that were friends of ours. Same situation. He had no sexual desire for his wife.Gave her no affection. Never told her he loved her. She went to another man,got pregnant and had a baby girl.
He told me he could not remain married to her because of what she had done. I told him you are as much to blame as she is.You drove her to another man since you did not take care of her needs. They tried several times to make a go of it. Never made it.
my heart goes out to you.
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replied January 26th, 2014
Extremely eHealthy
People who get married put themselves under contract to each other to have an exclusive relationship and to supply each other with a reasonable amount of sex for life.
That is the principle purpose of marriage from the grass-roots end.

Losing interest is simply not an option. If a problem comes along it is a duty to to find a way around it, over it or through it.
It is the job of the marriage contract and its attendant duties to hold things together when things get rough till feelings reassert themselves.

When one doesn't feel like sex it can have all the appeal of cleaning the drains but that doesn't exclude a decent householder from having clean drains and being proud of a job well done.
A house with filthy half-blocked drains belongs, not to somebody who has lost interest in cleaning drains, but to somebody who has lost interest in himself, his house and his duty.

Having low testosterone doesn't stop a man loving his wife. A man who loves his wife will be interested in her welfare and sense of well-being and even being unselfish about it.

In a marriage sex is important but not as important as shared intimacy.
Shared intimacy is probably the greatest expression of love there is and low testosterone is not not a reason not to express love in that practical way or even to deprive the other of the comfort and reassurance of shared intimacy if he is not feeling it just then. A man can be proud of clean drains even if cleaning them isn't high on the list...

It is a poor wife or husband that would condemn the other to solitary masturbation just as it is a poor wife or husband who would deprive the other of much-needed intimacy.

I feel testosterone has little to do with any of that and the root cause is either the husband has lost interest in his wife, himself and his duties or he has something else wrong with him apart from low testosterone; even though that could have been the trigger.

Falling into a rut of bad habits and failing to express love and affection and share intimacy is possible but hardly likely just five years into a marriage.

I speculate your husband could be suffering from depression.

Just my thoughts you understand, but it could explain the blank wall you talk to and his lack of interest in you and your problems.
Having low testosterone can be a huge problem for the male psyche and that could be why he has simply stopped trying and seems to have given up.

Even if you can concentrate his mind sufficiently to recognise the problem and a diagnosis is sought and treatment provided it could be a long road and you must do what you must do in the meantime.

You could find there is mileage in instead of expecting him to behave like an adult begin to treat him like a child and give him orders as if you are his mother. Lots of men respond to this treatment if the tasks (chores) are well matched to suitable rewards.

Incidentally, over in the UK testosterone patches are the most popular way of providing the hormone. Patches provide a steady and continuous absorption and are much more convenient and friendly than injections.

Good luck!
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replied January 26th, 2014
Ahhhh ...... I can help with this one. Romance.... At some point in our 15 years of Marriage the wife and I became business partners and not lovers. No ones fault always putting our daughter first always discussing finances and how to run the household/business. At some point we forgot how to be best friends and talk about other things to laugh and love so we started dating again (only I knew I could get goodies at the end of the night) we both became lazy in love and as women age like fine wine they improve where men are like beer the longer we age we lose our fizz..... Turns out my T levels although naturally lower are fine and I am still attracted to her and in love. We just needed to shut out the outside worlds noise and take time for us to date. Now she would have sex every night at 50 like I wanted at 18. One of life's ironies when I was 18 I could go 10 times a night until the Damn thing fell off and had a Girlfriend that gave it out like rations at a POW camp. Now I have a wife who gives it out like thanksgiving turkey's and my 6 shooter is a single shot sniper rifle. One shot but still gets the job done but takes a little longer to reload. Relight the passion and the fireworks will begin but just set your expectations that the beginning may be the finally so make it last with not only 4 play but 5, 6 and 7 play. Lastly if he is into porn tell him to knock it off why eat twinkees when it will spoil your appetite for a gourmet meal.....
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replied March 7th, 2014
My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We haven't had sex since our first anniversary. Sometimes he would pleasure me but that hasn't happened in at least 9 years. He wants nothing to do with me physically - he doesn't hug me, put his arm around me or hold me. He holds my hand when we're walking and we give each other a quick peck on the lips a couple of times a day but that's it.

He has low T and refuses to do anything about it. He is holding some major emotional grudges against me that he's been holding for a very long time. He has never been very physically affectionate but for about 10 years hasn't even given me a hug unless I've asked him for one. He lives in his own little world that I'm not part of. It's been this way for so long I don't even think about sex or affection anymore.
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