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How to deal with my girlfriends inconsiderate mother?

Alright so this might be a bit lengthy, but Ill try to keep it short. I'm 17 and my girlfriend is 15. Basically, her mother is just another ignorant, hard headed republican (no offense to anyone out there who is republican. I'm deeply conservative, but I'm still considerate unlike her. I take into account what others have to say). But anyways, her mother is awful to her, and wont even acknowledge it. Yes, her mother meets all her material needs, food, water, clothing, and even things like electronics. But she doesn't play the mother role in her life, and all she does is put her down. Her mother wont let her wear anything that she want, she can't express herself in any form. She was on homecoming court, and her mom wouldn't even let her pick out her own dress, her mom made here wear the one she wanted. Her mother gives her no privacy, she goes through her journal, our texts, and everything. Another example, today my girlfriend just wanted to spend time with her mother and father. So she went down stairs and asked if they could all go see a movie. Her father ended up ignoring her, and her mother told her that she "is always complaining." Its things like that that really hurt her feelings. Its like all she wants is to spend time with them, and her mom puts her down... Ive considered confronting her mother about it, but then her mother would do one of a couple things. She would either blame me for the reason my girlfriend's feelings are hurt, and then she would no longer let us see each other.... Or... She would say that I was being disrespectful, and no longer let us see each other...Or... She would just be even harsher on my girlfriend and get mad at her... Those are just a few examples of how she hurts her feelings... And the thing about it is, its doesn't just hurt her feelings; twice it has driven her to depression... She went into depression about two years ago (before we even knew each other) because of it... And she was in a state of depression for almost the entire month of November, but then she got out of it... Now it seems to becoming back... I know we are young, and this relationship wont last forever.. But as of now, I do love her and just want her to be happy. I pray every night for it to get better, but God doesn't seem to be answering. I just don't know what to do, because I don't want to lose her as my girlfriend, but I cant just stand back and watch her in this much pain.. Any help out there?
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replied January 3rd, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Sorry I can offer you no instant help at all.

Your girl sounds as though she is a real peach and it is a shame she feels unloved by her parents but unfortunately there are no laws against that.

Her mother's hard-headedness is unlikely to be caused by her politics. People are usually the way they are because that is the way they are made - we are all composites of parental genes and lifetime experience, including bits of people who have influenced us, especially during our formative years. On top of that adults tend to get bogged-down by habits and worries.

At 17 and 15 you must accept you are both probably being influenced by the brain-rewiring that goes on during puberty and might not be seeing things as they really are or there might be other reasons for the attitude of her parents you aren't yet privy to.
During puberty your brain is quite capable of misunderstanding, misleading you or even lying to you.

The best advice I can give you is to try to stop seeing her mother as an enemy, an adult, some sort of creature who happens to be the mother of your girlfriend and try to engage with her as a person who also used to be a young girl who probably once had feeling and thoughts not very unlike her daughter now.

The chances are she was treated by her mother in much the same way - we are often merely creatures of serial behaviour! New babies don't arrive with instruction books and the only thing most people know about parenting is how they were treated by their parents.

If you are unhappy then say something but there is a world of difference between a diplomatic and tactful enquiry and confrontation.
You could easily be surprised if you began to use the charm that so enchanted the daughter on her mother (in a different way, of course). Most people tend to respond positively when someone takes an interest in them.

To summarise I suggest you try and get to know the person before you become too judgemental.

Good luck!
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