Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

How do I handle my husband

sadhug i'm scared. My husband is bi polar and will not get medication for his disorder. We have been married for almost 6 months. He has been taking chantix off and on for 6 months and still goes back to smoking. His mood changes with each time he takes it. He blames me for most if not all the fights we get into. I know I'm not totaly healthy mentally but I cant always be wrong. He tells me what a great wife and mother I am then when he gets in a mood I am the scum of the earth. What do I do and how should I handle him when he gets like this. I love him very much and my son (from my last marriage) calls him dad. Every time we get into a fight he says his marriage is failing and hes not happy that it is. We are christians and both know that God hates divorce. WHAT DO I DO????? HELP PLEASE?????
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First Helper Wifeofabipolar

replied February 27th, 2011
Experienced User
hmm this sounds like a friend of mine. sure we arent married but he told me he was bipolar a few years ago and i notice it now because he acts like a typical bipolar person. he gets in moods where hes a jerk but i am trying to understand its his illness talking and not him. hes at least smart enough to know not to get into a relationship while he is still trying to manage it. all i can say for you is i know its hard and you love him but you may have to separate until he gets his illness under control and chooses to take his meds all the time. it isnt an easy illness for anyone him included
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replied March 10th, 2011
Similar boat
My fiance has just been diagnosed with Bipolar. He is very keen to take the medication (at the moment), but I can completely sympathise with your heartache regarding the arguments you have been having with your partner.
The only comforting thing that has helped me is gathering information on the disease. It helps to differentiate between your partner and the mania/depression. Obviously, no matter what your mental state, if you feel he is being unreasonable and becoming angry out of the blue, then chances are, it is the illness, NOT you. I have an anxiety disorder, which has become heightened since moving in with my partner. When he is 'in a rage', he tells me that I have 'severe psychological issues'. I have pleaded and sobbed for hours for some kind of sympathy when he lashes out with verbal abuse, only to be met with further cruelty. After the diagnose, no knowing that I was not engaged to a heartless, sadistic person, and that it was the illness talking, has saved our relationship.
Now, on the subject of your partner not taking medication, the only way life will ever be normal (much less happy) is if he accepts his condition and manages his own treatment. I am not an expert on that, but maybe if he was to agree to treatment that was not medication (i.e therapy, etc), it may be a start in him actually accepting that his illness is severely damaging both of your lives. In regards to having children in this situation, I also have a child to a previous relationship, and I am sure that we have both felt the same guilt about exposing our children to someone who can sometimes be so erratic. I personally do not think children should be exposed to someone with bipolar who is not seeking treatment.
Good luck, I can definitely sympathise with the desperation and loneliness you feel.
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replied March 15th, 2011
God hates a disfunctional home for your son more!! Have a discussion, lay out what he needs to do (counseling, medication, etc..), give him a time frame to do it. If it doesn't get done, then start looking for another place to live. His condition is for ever! He needs to address it forever!! If he doesn't then you and your son will suffer BIG TIME!! Stand up for you and your son, make no comprimises and do what is right!
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