Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

How do I explain my illness to my boyfriend? -BIPOLAR

Hi, I have not been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I am positive I am bipolar. I have done a lot of research, bipolar disorder is in my family, and my behavior is pretty bang on bipolar, from what I have read.

There are days that I do not feel like doing anything or talking to anyone, and there are days that I feel I could do anything and I have my whole life figured out. I often go from being hyper and happy, to irritable and belligerent within seconds. I spend a lot of time crying, because I feel I'm worthless, or that people are being mean and inconsiderate towards me. I say horrible things to my boyfriend, and don't realize what I've said until afterwards. Once I realize I've said something horrible, or been hypocritical, I cry and just want him to hold me. But who wants to hold someone who treated you like garbage, minutes ago?

I know there is something wrong, and I know I'm sick. I know it is wearing on my boyfriend and that he is exhausted. But I do not know how to fix things. I have an appointment with a doctor in two days to figure out what to do for me. But I need some advice on how to make my boyfriend feel better, and to help him realize that I don't mean the hurtful things I say. I want to make it clear to him that I do love him to death, although my behavior and words don't show it sometimes.

I just want him to know that I do love him and I'm trying to gat better for him. I jut don't know how to do that.

Any advice?
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replied January 26th, 2013
You sound like a very caring person and the fact your asking for help is awesome. If you wanna tell him about this disorder the best way is to just sit him down and explain it. You said you arent diagnosed but def show the more serious signs of the illness. The fact your going to the dr is a big deal. You need to treat your illness in order to maintain a relationship with him. My girlfriend is bi polar and we are having a tough time right now but what ive done is completely educate myself about this illness. Thats what he has to do after you tell him about it. Let him know the details you can but advise him to read some literature on bi polar and start looking through forums because there a big help. A big think you must tell him is that when you do these things that hurt him, its not you doing them. That nothing your saying or doing is personal or in your control. It may be hard for him to undertand this at first but in time he will but only if he is willing to open his eyes to what the complex nature of this illness is. You are gonna need to see a therapist and utilize this because it can only help. Eventually you can get your boyfriend involved in your treatment and part of the solution to preventing episodes from happening. The best thing you can do is get yourself better and keep him aware that you love him. Thats a good thing that your even able to be around him.. My girl doenst act nearly as loving when she is sick so thats really good for him. just get the help you need and keep him involved making sure he does his research and learns about this illness. If he doenst learn then he will continue to take things personal and get worn down by the effects of you having this illness. Remeber to that this isnt your fault ok, you didnt get bipolar because you are a bad girl, its genetic and biological in nature so there was nothing you could do to change this. You are a good person and just like anyone else deserve to be happy. The way to do that is treatment of you illness. You are not worthless. Because I have dealt with my relationship as it came I was on the bad side of a bad episode with no knowledge of the illness and it killed me. Since then I am a mental army and will do anything for my woman. Youll be fine. Just be honest with him in the best way you can about what you have and he will soon see the light of it.
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replied February 2nd, 2013
I explained to my boyfriend very early in the relationship that I have bipolar II and essentially that means I feel my emotions very strongly. I see my therapist regularly and, while he won't go to therapy with me, I talk to her about how to have a healthy relationship and share with him what we talk about. I think the ideal situation would be to be able to bring your boyfriend to therapy with you, so you have a forum where you can talk about how your disorder is effecting you relationship, and talk about what you both can do to help prevent situations from escalating. It sounds like you may need to re-evaluate your medication with your doctor, or go to a psychiatrist if you have not seen one yet.
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