Medical Questions > Mental Health > Self Injury Forum

hitting myself when angry (Page 3)


March 26th, 2011
I know how you feel...some times I get so angry playing COD I snack my legs so hard they bruise. I have been doing this for a year now, but have managed to stay 'clean' since Christmas. I'm doing quite well, but recently, my xbox partner told me about how he was smashing his co trilled into his head to relieve the anger of not winning on FIFA. Does anyone have any advice...
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replied May 5th, 2011
I thought that I was alone in this...I feel crazy. I hit/scratch myself when I am angry/upset too, mostly my legs, sometimes my head. I also sometimes cut, but not as often anymore. I don't know why but I get SO uncontrollably upset and hurt and I guess I feel like the physical pain helps take away from the emotional pain, but it just makes me feel worse and crazy.

Yesterday was horrible, though. Mostly I get the most upset when my boyfriend fights with me because he says the meanest most hurtful things and I snap. I was so upset, I was crying and screaming and just beat the s*&# out of my legs, and I had picked up a knife and slammed my hands down on my legs, forgetting I had the knife and I sliced my leg open. It wasn't horrible, but a few hours later after taking a shower the cut was so open I could see white underneath so I had to get that glued up at the doctor's...I had to lie about all my bruises saying I got them at a concert. My bf knows I do this (I don't want to blame it on him but he hurts me to a point where I get so out of control that I just resort to this), and my mom has some sort of general idea, but I don't know what to do. After the doctor visit it is kind of a wake up call, I just don't know how to stop. I look like I have been beaten. Sad
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replied May 10th, 2011
I do it as well, but I like the pain
I have this as well. It started a couple of months ago when my boyfriend took me to a party with his friends, and then got drunk, ignored me the whole night and cheated on me twice. We have been working to get past this and he really is making an effort, really is trying to make it up to me. To show me how sorry he is. I know he really cares about me but I just don’t understand how you can do that to someone you care about. Every time I think I’m over it something will trigger me thinking about it and I end up crying again and I start hitting myself in the head. I have burnt my hip in the past (a place that isn’t really on show most of the time) but my boyfriend has noticed it and the thing is, I’m not doing it for attention. I don’t want people to know I’m hurting myself. But I just get so angry and upset that I end up hitting my head with my fists or the nearest hard object I can find. It makes me feel better. I like feeling the pain. It’s not because I hate myself and think I deserve it, I don’t have low self esteem. It’s just I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m feeling like that. I know it’s not good but it makes me feel better, and hitting a pillow wouldn’t be the same as I wouldn’t feel it. I know I should stop but I kind of don’t want to. I guess you can say thing are going well between us now and I’m working on trusting him again. He says he doesn’t know why he did it as he likes me so much and doesn’t want to lose me. I know I should be focused on how we are now but it’s just so hard when things set me off. I don’t know what to do. I feel so confused and lost sometimes, I know some people may say I should break up with him but that won’t stop the pain, it will still hurt just as much as breaking up with him is not going to delete him and what he did from my mind. It will just make me hurt more as I won’t be with him as well. And I care about him alot, and most of the time when I’m with him I’m happy, it’s just when I’m on my own and I start thinking about stuff that I end up hurting myself. I like the pain. But I know I shouldn’t :S. I’m not sure if i should do anything about it or not, I don’t see how talking to someone would help as I talk to my best friend about everything so I can let it out. And I know what I shouldn’t be doing it. So yeah, at least i know I’m not crazy and other people do this as well.
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replied May 10th, 2011
Mine started a while ago when my boyfriend hurt me as well, gridlocked. I don't know if I like the pain, more so I think I do it because I would rather feel physical pain over the debilitating emotional pain. I don't know how to stop, I want to so bad, but I get in such a bad headspace that it just happens and I can't control it. I try screaming in a pillow and all that but nothing helps and I can't calm down. I feel so bad and messed up afterwards too. I try to hide all the bruises as much as I possibly can, so it is definitely not an attention thing because I have not told anyone and don't want anyone to know about it. I am lost too. Sad
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replied May 10th, 2011
Yeah, I guess it isnt so much that I like the pain, but I like the distraction from the emotional pain. I dont know how to stop either, I just get so upset I cant help it. I just need to let out my anger in some way. And this is a way I can actually feel. I know if anyone saw me they would think I was crazy but it just seems to always happen when my emotions get really out of control. Even when just in stressful situations i will dig my fingernails into my legs or something along those lines. Its horrible that someone feels the same hurt as me but its nice to know im not alone with feeling lost :/
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replied May 16th, 2011
how do i stop ? or what can i do to make this go away
hey i always have the same issue, yesterday me and my boyfriend was in the bathroom joking around and my mind turned everything like it wasn't a joke so i walked out of the bathroom as he was saying "babe what's wrong" you think i can answer that question "no" so i got upset and smoked a stoge "cigg" anywho then we started trying to talk and i tear up cause i let my fear's get the best of me.... so then i got mad and broke up with him and i started punching my head i only hit myself in the face until i see or feel pain then i will stop.... i have talked or try to talk about my problem's thinking it would help but it just made it worst on me now i'm scared to be out in the world no no i'm not turning emo but i do want some help with this i want to fix myself so i know that i am fine and it won't happen again... i have been told that this is an illness....punching a pillow doesn't help either, but i have stop punch walls and braking things...my family can make me go crazy out of the blue then i lose my mind ughhh i need some help
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replied May 17th, 2011
I feel like this web site is just for us to open up to cause no one will always help but writing out your thought's do help and it make's you calm
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replied July 21st, 2011
You can message me whenever you want. I have the same issues as you. I hit myself as well. I am a member of another forum on this website. Its called "Can't stop hitting myself". I am going to subscribe to this forum as well. There is another person on the other forum. We message bakc and forth and it helps a bit. Really it only makes me feel like i'm not completely psychotic and crzay. I'll post my story on this forum too. Smile Hope all is better. Even if it just for a day.
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replied May 18th, 2011
Hello
The doctor help your health problem.
gosign
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replied May 22nd, 2011
I also feel the same, if me and my partner are talking and joking all of a sudden I get upset and turn everything around on him, he then argues back and calls me ridiculous and I black out and have a kind of tantrum where I hit, scratch and bite myself. When this happens I hate myself and feel so angry with myself that I just want to die. When I calm down I feel so stupid and embarrassed, I know this is wrong and I have tried doing things to stop myself but I just cant. It really isnt fair on my partner who has to go through it every few months. He keeps telling me to go to a counseller (which I know I have to do) but cant help feeling stupid about it and to talk about it with a stranger scares me. I really thought I was alone with this so its reassuring that Im not, I guess I just have to find the courage to see a counseller as its just not fair on Adam, he's afriad I will cause myself severe damage one day. If any of you have any ideas or ways to control this please let me know...it will be much appreciated. Thankyou to you all.
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replied May 22nd, 2011
I also feel the same, if me and my partner are talking and joking all of a sudden I get upset and turn everything around on him, he then argues back and calls me ridiculous and I black out and have a kind of tantrum where I hit, scratch and bite myself. When this happens I hate myself and feel so angry with myself that I just want to die. When I calm down I feel so stupid and embarrassed, I know this is wrong and I have tried doing things to stop myself but I just cant. It really isnt fair on my partner who has to go through it every few months. He keeps telling me to go to a counseller (which I know I have to do) but cant help feeling stupid about it and to talk about it with a stranger scares me. I really thought I was alone with this so its reassuring that Im not, I guess I just have to find the courage to see a counseller as its just not fair on Adam, he's afriad I will cause myself severe damage one day. If any of you have any ideas or ways to control this please let me know...it will be much appreciated. Thankyou to you all.
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replied June 1st, 2011
you are not alone. I'm a 64 year old man who punches himself sometimes. It happens about once every 3 months or so, when my wife nags me. Just yesterday my older brother died. I was feeling very upset. Of all days, my wife picked yesterday to blame me for misplacing her driver's license renewal form. This triggered a long string of cruel verbal attacks from her, as she angerly shuffled through the mail. Her verbal attacks became so relentless and unbearable I started to punch myself repeatedly -- hoping she would just shut up -- especially on the day my favorite brother died. It didn't work. She just kept attacking me -- even when my face was bruised. I don't understand this. And she said she considers my behavior to be that of a spoiled brat. I'm going to have a talk with her tonight and tell her the next time I have an urge to strike myself when she attacks me, I'm going to immediately drop the "conversation" and leave the house for a while. I would never hit a women, so I hit myself. My wife hasn't touched me in an intimate way in over two years. I think she despises me and finds me repulsive. But its helpful to know other people punch themselves. I thought I was alone. What really frightens me is that she may take a perverse pleasure in seeing me punch myself, thus confirming her (and my)opinion that I'm a psycho and a loser.
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replied July 21st, 2011
ITs a life long battle. I'm 28 and i keep hoping I'll grow out of hitting myself, but it always comes back. Try a counseler or something. Try talking to your wife or write her a letter. Its tough if your partner won't read your letters or tells you your being ridiculous or crazy. Good luck.
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replied July 22nd, 2011
ggraf22, first and foremost, my condolences for your loss.

i know all too well the feeling of having verbal attacks bombarded onto you in the midst of your confusion with the whole situation. my gf is the same way. if something goes wrong (e.g., something a small as your wife misplacing her DL renewal) she will flip a complete 180 and start attacking (not physically) the ppl nearest in her vicinity, which is 99% of the time, me. like your wife my gf's verbal attacks gradually elevates in cruelty. I'm so sorry that you -as well as the other ppl in this forum, are in ruts like this. It's just really difficult for outsiders to feel what we are feeling. and its really comforting to know that there are ppl out there who suffer the same tendencies.

please keep us posted.
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replied July 21st, 2011
I actually just posted this in another forum ont his website. Its called "Can't Stop Hitting Myself" http://ehealthforum.com/health/can-t-stop- hitting-myself-t223673_20.html

Anyway myabe someone can relate or it will help someone else. I was sometime in April. My boyfriend and I went out for a while & I had been upset & super tired the whole day. I keep feeling like he was ignoring me. He has this problem with taking to random people in store, restaurants, bars, etc. and totally getting into hour long conversations with them. It is usually about sport or construction work. Basically stuff I know nothing about so I couldn not join in the conversation even if I wanted too. I can usually brush is off or not let it bother me, but sometimes I feel so insignificant in his eyes. I have tried to tell him how I feel, but he does not ever want to discuss feelings. He says telling me that he loves me should be enough. Anyway I drove us home from the bar and was just feeling really sad. We were in parked in the car in front of the house. I hit myself in the head a few times and bashed my head into the steering wheel right in front of him. (not the first time I hit in front of him). Then we started arguing and went it the house. He kept telling me to stop hitting myself. I flipped out & said I could do whatever I wanted. Basically he ended up holding me down so I couldn't hit myself again. I was screaming at him not to touch me and to let me go, get away from me. etc. Anyway the neighbors called the cops for domestic violence. They thought he was beating me. It really sucked. I felt so bad. Thankfully the cops left and did not arrest anyone.

Since then I went all the way until this month without hitting myself. I have probably slapped myself 3 or 4 times this month. Nothing major, but I have wanted too do worse. The worst part is, when my boyfriend makes me angry or upset I end up getting more angry/upset about wanting to hit myself and I don't even care about why i was upset at him anymore. Whatever it was seems insignificant and am I'm more upset that I have such an uncontrollable desire to hit myself. I beg and plead with myself & cry. I either end up crying until the feeling passes or I slap myself a couple of times across the face. Lightly though. Like another member said its quite a roller coaster. Every time I think I have been doing good or its been awhile it starts right back up.

Read more: Self Injury Forum - Can't stop hitting myself page 2 http://ehealthforum.com/health/can-t-stop- hitting-myself-t223673_20.html#ixzz1SmTRig ge
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replied August 20th, 2011
i hit my self too when my mom blames stuff on me when she does it like if i put trash on the sofa she tells me to pick it up and than when SHE PUTS TRASH on the sofa she blames it on me for putting it on there and when she really makes me mad i grind my teeth and my veins pop out of my neck and it hurts the next day when ever she makes me mad i punch my self in the stomach/hipbone/face/nose/eye till i bleed and that makes me calmer and than when i go to school my friends who act like a REAL family ask me why i got a black eye and i have to lie to them my sister makes me mad too she has a fake online account and say lies about her like she has a boyfriend and stuff and how she is skinny but shes like 170 pounds and how shes a wanna be emo and she says our parents never bought her stuff that makes me mad when i was on her blog thats where i read stuff from her FAKE LIFE (no life ) and i never got what i wanted from my family the only one in family that ever cared for me is my uncle who buys me clothes/electronics(fun stuff like a laptop)/school supplies i live with him now i left my family when my sister/mom made me so mad that i just simply left them now its to late cause they know my uncle has anger problems and he hold grudges and have revenges and will punch u he doesnt care if who U r. i just wish my dad was here
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replied August 21st, 2011
Like many of you on here I also smack myself, usually my face, when I am angry and hysterical and self-loathing.. I know that I am doing it because I am so wound up and I don't want to hurt anyone else. It isn't a frequent occurance but last night I argued with my fella and lost complete control to the point where he had to restrain my arms. My face is now black and purple and I feel stupid and ashamed. Tomorrow in work I will then have to lie about where the bruises have come from but I worry that people think it is my fella. The rage that builds up inside me is extreme and I need to find a less destructive outlet before I seriously damage myself and my relationship... Can anyone suggest anything?
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replied August 23rd, 2011
My boyfriend has restrained me as well. The neighbor called the cops and when they got there they thought he was beating me. Thank fully he wasn't arrested. Does he ever set you off? I get in the moods while I'm not with him, but sometimes his bad moods get to me. When he is down on himslef he really is concerned with whats going on in his head and ignores me. I know its not on purpose, but I get angry and instead of taking is out on him I him myslef. The same thing happens when I mess soemthing up at work or school or even when I have to stand in line a really long time. I just came off of having a really bad bruise on my face. It looked like someone punched me. It really bothers my boyfried. - I cannot recommend anything except for trying to remember the feeling of rage will pass and you will hate yourself even more if you have to have yet another bruised face. You don't deserve to be beat up and neither do I. If someone else were hitting us we would not take it. We should not take it from ourselves either. It is not acceptable behavior. Sometimes I just cry until is passes. If you ever want to talk message me or reply here. Good Luck - Pixecat!
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replied August 30th, 2011
I am a 36 year old single mother who lives a healthy, active lifestyle. I have a great job and wonderful, happy children. However, I am still susceptible to these bouts of self-hitting. It happens several times a year, and I will break hairbrushes over my head and slap and punch my head and thighs.
I've noticed I feel so much better after these outbursts and also that they come on with NO warning, so I cannot even count to 10 etc etc...I'm glad to find this form and I feel much better knowing I'm not alone.
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replied August 31st, 2011
GingerWest,

If you ever need to talk or have another episode, as we all do, message me here or privately. Yes, I agree, the episodes come out of no where.

Feelings123
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replied September 2nd, 2011
Thanks, Feelings. I should rephrase; these come with very little warning; but not from nowhere. It used to come during confrontation with my ex (before I was able to not let him bother me) and now that we are split I had one come on just from my daughter having a meltdown and nonstop crying. (She doesn't cry all the time or anything; I just chalk it up as a bad day). It definitely feels like I'm angry, but just snapping. I get angry here and there, but rarely to the point where I hit myself.
That is where the 'out of nowhere' comes in. No forewarning, and in a situation that has been much worse on other occasions. It's just random. And rare. But alarming, nonetheless.
Thanks for listening. Please feel free to use me as a sounding board, too. I understand completely.
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replied September 7th, 2011
I am glad to find this website. I didn't realize hitting was considered "self-injury"..it just doesn't seem as serious as cutting. It's comforting to find a forum where I can confess this. I usually practice self-denial, but reading about how others struggle with this has forced me to recognize it for myself.

I usually hit my thighs and sometimes my head. (never my face for fear others would find out!) I also bite myself, sometimes draw blood. Sometimes when I see the bruises I feel very sad that anyone can inflict this much self harm - but that is usually a fleeting response taken over my pleasure. I find satisfaction in seeing my wounds...like I have received the justice I deserve. I feel I deserve to be hit and hurt. I don't know why I feel this way about myself (by society's standards I am not a bad person). There is a small part of me that knows it's sad and wrong. What can I do to nourish this side, enough to encourage me to seek help? I have a therapist, but I do not tell her about the really dark sides of myself...
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replied September 13th, 2011
You need to tell her. Don't be ashamed. You have a problem that needs help. Just like I have the same problem the needs help.
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replied September 8th, 2011
Self injury
I punch and slap myself in the head and face and smash my head against walls and doors when i am angry, which is a lot. I have tried numerous counseling and therapy, but i havnt had any luck yet. I am afraid to tell them about the self injurious behavior because i have a baby and i am petrified of them taking her away from me.
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replied September 25th, 2011
hey guys. I am in the same position but can't understand why. I have great people around me that are there for me when I need them, but I still hit myslef. I don't know whats wrong - just feel alone and angry sometimes and the anger tends to win.

Thanks for letting me get this of my chest and I wish everyone on here all the best!

O
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replied September 26th, 2011
I hit myself too. It's always on the left arm, for some reason I don't show bruises very well on my lower arms, so that's always a good place for me to unload the rage on.
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replied October 14th, 2011
I punch myself every time I fail. It get's sore punching yourself every day.
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replied October 14th, 2011
Oxygenthief - You can't fail everyday at everything. Its impossible. I hit myself aswell, but I cannot figure out what exactly sets it off. At least you know what feeling is causing you to want to hurt yourself. There is another forum on this website calle, "Can't stop hitting myself". My story and various posts on on page 1 & 2 if you want to read it. We are all so differnt and yet so similar because of this hitting/ anger / sadness problem. Message me whenever you want to. Smile

feelings123
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replied October 24th, 2011
Punching Self in the Face When Angry
Nice to find this group online. I hate myself so much that I often punch or slap myself in the face. Never a good thing to do. How are you all trying to make the situation better? I can't seem to figure it out.
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replied October 25th, 2011
ArgAngry,

The last time I punched myself in the face was sat. 10/18/11, about 1-2 weeks ago. I still have a black and blue eye. Thankfully between makeup and my hair you can hardly see it. Anyway, I punched my self 5-6 times. Afterward I was still super, super angry and wanted to beat myself in too a pile of mush. Instead I just kept rerepeating too myslef over and over, "Please don't hurt yourself. Your better then this"? I said it over and over and over and cried until the feeling to punch myself again passed. I have been trying to remember and remind myself that I do not deserve to be beaten no matter how much I feel like I do. I try to use logic. My episode are every 1-3 months. I hava been tracking them on a calander. When my boyfried takes a lot of durgs and get really messed up, I mean passeing our standing up, it makes me feel worthless and feel like he doesn't have enough respect for me to stay sort of sober and spend time with me. Other incidents have been over other things, like taking on too much stuff and not being able to do it all. I put I alot of pressure on myself & I have to constantly remember to make a little bit of time for myself. Anyway, this phrase repetition thing is my latest idea. I hope that next time, because there is always a next time, I will remember to say it before I end up with a black eye. Good luck, Message me anytime or chat or if you have any suggestions for things that are working for you.

Feelings123
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replied October 25th, 2011
ArgAngry,

The last time I punched myself in the face was sat. 10/18/11, about 1-2 weeks ago. I still have a black and blue eye. Thankfully between makeup and my hair you can hardly see it. Anyway, I punched my self 5-6 times. Afterward I was still super, super angry and wanted to beat myself in too a pile of mush. Instead I just kept rerepeating too myslef over and over, "Please don't hurt yourself. Your better then this"? I said it over and over and over and cried until the feeling to punch myself again passed. I have been trying to remember and remind myself that I do not deserve to be beaten no matter how much I feel like I do. I try to use logic. My episode are every 1-3 months. I hava been tracking them on a calander. When my boyfried takes a lot of durgs and get really messed up, I mean passeing our standing up, it makes me feel worthless and feel like he doesn't have enough respect for me to stay sort of sober and spend time with me. Other incidents have been over other things, like taking on too much stuff and not being able to do it all. I put I alot of pressure on myself & I have to constantly remember to make a little bit of time for myself. Anyway, this phrase repetition thing is my latest idea. I hope that next time, because there is always a next time, I will remember to say it before I end up with a black eye. Good luck, Message me anytime or chat or if you have any suggestions for things that are working for you.

Feelings123
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replied November 21st, 2011
Hi Feeling123

I to hit myself. When I get mad and fight with my boyfried I get mad and punch myself in the side of the face. Why is that? I have read the articles and so many people do it. There has to be a reason. Its a aweful feeling. I hate it. I usually do it when I feel pain inside or not loved. Its really crazy...Im glad Im not alone....Your welcome to message me anytime ok
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replied November 21st, 2011
I don't no why we do and its really hard to stop. The feeling always arises. I'm glad you resonded. Smile Have a nice thanksgiving. TTYL
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