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hitting myself when angry (Page 6)


December 4th, 2015
I do the same thing. I guess if I feel the physical pain then the pain that I feel inside minimizes and it makes me feel a little bit better for short period of time. That is until the self hatred kicks in and makes me feel depressed. Could this be stop? I don't like harming myself but when I get angry or just really upset I can't help it. It's out off my hands I can not control it. I always have a big smile on my face and no one would guess that I do this to myself. Therefore, no one knows so there's no one to help me. Could someone explain why I do this? Why it makes me feel better? Why if I don't like doing this to myself, I still do. I am not a violent person. I wouldn't harm no one nor do I think about harming anyone. Just myself. When someone makes me angry or makes me feel less I just go to a private place and punch myself in the head multiple times as hard as can until I grow tired and then I just cry until I can finally put a fake smile on my face and go back out there and pretend like I'm okay. I know it's not normal and I hate myself for this. I honestly believe that I prefer to do this to myself instead of getting angry at someone and wishing harm to them. I never wish harm on no one. Also, when I do something wrong I tend to get really angry at myself and do the same or just put myself down for it. Is there anyway a psychiatrist could help with this? Like I said, I tend to just hate myself. How could I love everyone so much and never wish harm or bad on no one but hate myself so much?
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replied December 4th, 2015
Hello,

I just wrote a post below that might help to explain a little bit about why your hurting yourself and maybe why your so angry at yourself. I really hope it helps Smile

And I've been seeing a therapist about hurting myself and also hating myself and she has helped TREMENDOUSLY. If you have the time/money, I highly suggest talking with one and make sure you find one your comfortable talking with, it's ok to switch therapists until you find the one that's right for you.

I'm not sure about psychiatrists, I've never talked with one.

You sound like a really good person and I'm sorry you have to go through this, I know exactly what you mean about the fake smile thing- it's so painful to be hurting so badly but nobody else can see it. Please know we're all here for each other and your not alone in this.
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replied December 4th, 2015
I've been going to therapy now for about a month and a half, hitting myself when I was upset was one of the topic's I brought up with my therapist and I asked her why I did this. In a nutshell, here was her explanation for why people hurt themselves (hitting, cutting, burning, etc) when they feel intense emotions:

The brain basically has one nerve that connects to physical pain and emotional pain. At any given time, a human can only feel emotional pain or physical pain, according to her you cannot feel the two at the same time. So, if a person is in such tremendous emotions pain such as rage or depression, as a defense mechanism the person then seeks physical pain (like hitting yourself), when the body receives the physical pain the nerve switches from sending emotional pain to physical, thus reducing the persons anger, sadness, etc. It's a way to stop yourself from overloading on emotional pain, if that makes sense. Sorry I'm not a doctor and cannot give a more scientific explanation.

My next question was, how do I stop hurting myself when I'm upset if it actually helps me feel better? Her response was this:

For the first step, you want to focus on just reducing the damage caused when you hurt yourself. She said writing in a journal or listening to happy feely music won't help when your already in a state of rage or extreme depression (at least for me, maybe it would help others). She said, instead of hitting your head or any other extremely harmful ways of hurting yourself, wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it, or hold an ice cube tightly in your hand until it melts, both are very painful but will not cause serious damage like a concussion.
She also told me that stimulating other senses like smell can help, she said some people sniff pepper (she said she didn't recommend snorting it) but sometimes just a strong enough smell is enough to bring down your emotional pain. She said, you can also try a cold or hot shower( though please don't burn yourself).

The second step once you reduce the harm you do to yourself, is start recognizing what has caused the emotional pain. She told me to keep a journal and begin rating my mood from -100 to +100. At -100 I am at my worst, hurting myself, suicidal, depressed, etc. At +100, I'm the happiest person in the world. For the first few days, try to gauge where your average mood sits, mine seemed to stay at a steady -20. Then, every time your mood shifts from your average (good or bad) write it down in your journal and the reason to why your mood has changed. I did this for two weeks, by the time I had an episode where I was wanting to hurt myself and was raging, I was able to look back upon my journal and see the steps to what had lead me to my mood. It's also important to write in your journal things like, "I didn't sleep well last night, so I could be cranky. I also didn't eat healthy today so I feel very sluggish and down. Etc."

The third step is recognizing situations, thoughts and people who bring your mood down and avoiding them. Obviously, you can't avoid every situation in life that upsets you, but if you have friend who are always bringing you down, or you notice you keep thinking about something that really upsets you but there is nothing you can do about it, it's time to let go. This step can be extremely difficult, I'm still working on it, but I have noticed even in small cases not dwelling on the past and things I can't change has already improved my mood.
Another crucial step for me was that I had a problem standing up for myself and saying no to people. Again, I am still working on this, but for those people out there who feel completely overwhelmed by others constantly asking for favors, or people who don't seem to respect you or your time, I HIGHLY suggest googling methods to becoming assertive and saying no. I never realized how much of my depression was linked to people walking all over me, I was so angry at myself for allowing others to treat me like garbage, it caused most of my rage and inward hatred. For everyone out there, please, learn to love and respect yourself, there is nobody out there who is better than you and you MUST take care of yourself before you can take care of others. And when you start telling people, "No, I can't babysit your kids today, I really need some time to myself," or "I'm sorry, I really don't feel like hanging out today." They might be upset, but that's their problem, you've done absolutely nothing wrong and if the tables were reversed chances are, those people would have no problems telling you, "Sorry, not today." And I promise, the more you stand up for yourself, the easier it becomes.

This is as far as I've gone into my therapy, so I'm not yet sure what the next step is. But I really hope this advice helps you guys as much as it's helped me. I won't lie, its difficult and will take a lot of time and effort, but so far for me its been the best change of my life. I wish you all the very best and if I learn new techniques I'll be sure to share them with you.

(Just wanted to add that this therapy has worked for me, but it may not work for everyone, we're all individuals with different needs and healing mechanisms. If these techniques don't work for you, don't give up, there is a solution for you and I know you'll find it.)
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replied December 5th, 2015
It's nice to see so many p
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replied January 3rd, 2016
I Googled this situation and this is the first site to pop up. So yes, I also scratch and hit myself, but it does take me a lot to get me to this point. My boyfriend and his mom are the only ones that know. Not my family. Afterward my episodes I can a get a real low and start to feel more disappointed in myself. This is a fresh of breath air that we're not alone in this challenging situation. I've been to the Dr when I had a job and health insurance. I was put on an anti depressissant and a low dose of anti anxiety pill. Yes, they were starting to help. I wanted to start running again and more motivated for school, even exams we're easier to take. I'm 26 years old, I'm not saying pills are the only option, but I've been living with this since 12-13 and it only progressed. My mom's been around my anxiety attacks. She just tells me to take one day at time. Good Luck to everyone. I hope this helps Smile
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replied March 11th, 2016
I have a history of depression and thyroid cancer. I have gone through periods of hitting over the last 30 years, but my depression is really bad now and the thyroid hormones are never balanced. My legs are black and blue. I have been punching myself in my lower stomach as well but cannot get enough momentum to leave burses on my stomach. I'm in my late forties so if I haven't done damage yet, is there really harm in me doing it?
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