Medical Questions > Pregnancy Forum > Miscarriage and Stillbirth Forum

Helping each other after miscarriage

me and my girlfriend were pregnant n at first we were kinda upset that alot of our plans were gonna be alot harder to accomplish now but it grew on us to the point we were ecstatic to have this child, we had 2 names picked out the girl would be Evelynn Alicia and if it was a boy Zacariah John, we come to findout she had a miscarriage and we are both devistated. All im hoping for is any advice on how to help my girlfriend with what has happened. thank you in advance
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replied February 26th, 2010
Well, just remind her that every one grieves differently. You both need time to grieve. Be prepared to ignore bad but well meant advice that is really insensitive like "you can try again" or "it is probably better this way" because the reality is when someone miscarries it isn't just a pregnancy they lose, it is a baby, a baby that you grow attached to even if you never see it. My husband and I had a miscarriage 3 months ago with twins, and something that helped us was to say goodbye to our baby, and tell it everything we would have wanted to tell him/her. There is a good chapter in the book "What to expect when you're expecting" on miscarriages. Just try to be supportive of her, and be patient if she cries a lot, or if she is in shock and it doesn't hit her for a few weeks later. Everyone grieves differently. One comforting thing for us is that for the babies we lost is that "heaven is the only home they'll ever know" -glory baby, by watermark (great song about miscarriage). They went straight from the comfort of my womb, to heaven where they'll never know pain or sin or death. And it helps to have the hope of knowing i'll see them again. I hope that helps some.
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