Medical Questions > Mental Health > Self Injury Forum

Help with desire to cut

okay, I'm about to turn 20 in a couple days and my mom has threaten me to spend my birthday in the hospital, i'm 5'7" and use to weigh 125lbs, from recent depression issues i have dropped down to 103lbs, if im lucky. I dont want to eat, i dont want to do anything but sleep and cry, Ive been having bad issues with my boyfriend or possibly ex after all this, and i think thats part of it, but i use to cut myself, wasnt ever to die, but to be able to control my pain i was feelin and to watch my blood run down my arm just gave me a sense of security that i could control something...when i couldnt control anything else. I was just sittin lookin at my arms, lookin at old scares.... and it makes me want to do it again, but this time i feel its not for that same feeling, i feel like i really want to die, i want to just end this suffering becuase nothing seems to help, i dont feel like me anymore, i dont feel like im worth anything to anybody. i just want to put myself out of this terrible feeling... i need help. please help. anything you can think of that might help in the slightest, please just help me. please.
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replied June 23rd, 2010
Oh dear. It breaks my heart seeing how distressed you all are one here. I've only just recently seen this forum. Can I say, please get help from a counsellor or pyschologist. A lot of time cutters may have borderline personality disorder. Google it for information. It sounds like you are suffering from depression. Please remember that although it doesn't seem like it now. Things will get better. When we are young and have issues with our boyfriends we think it's the end of the world and I know it feels like it. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. If that door closes, it can lead to much better prospects for the future to meet someone where it isn't that hard. Relationships can be work but when we meet the right person it should all just fit in like the pieces of the puzzle. Believe me, I've had a few failed relationships. And I thought I wanted to die at the time and wondered how I was going to go on. But I did, and now I am married with 3 beautiful boys. Hang in there, get help. Please talk to someone close or find someone professional who will not judge and understand. You are not alone. Just remember you deserve better and believe me no man is worth it if it causes you this much anguish. Take care
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replied June 27th, 2010
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My names sachaa and i have been harming for over 3 years now , ive tried to stop and i can go about a month now without it , but the desire just gets to much for me , my boyfriend always tells me not to do it and gets very frustrated when i do so it kinda keeps me away from the blade i guess , but on the other hand its like he doesnt respect me , id give anything to harm right now but i know i will loose him , the pain of not doing it is so harsh though
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