Ok so im 16 years old, and ive been bulimic for about a year and a half. i havent lost any weight and i feel worse than i have ever felt before. i have a therapist but i really dont like going to her anymore so i just lie and say ive stopped throwing up. im currently trying to get ADD medicine so i can lose weight.. i know thats dumb, but i really dont know what else to do. all i want is to be skinny! its even worse because all of my friends are gorgeous and stick thin. i always feel like the odd one out. it doesnt help that no boys ever pay attention to me. im too fat and ugly.. please give me comments or something on what i can do. at this point, i'll try everything.
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replied January 10th, 2010
I really shouldn't be one to talk since I've been bulimic for over a year now, but no good comes out of throwing up. See, even knowing the affects of throwing up, I wonder why I still do it. It's a mental thing. When I crave something not on my list of "healthy foods" like chocolates and chips and I fail in controlling myself, I binge. While I move from one junk to another, the comfort of knowing that I can throw it back up just aggravates my binging-fiend. But after I've eaten all those junks, I start to hate myself for lacking control and for what I know I will do after because I don't want to gain weight. It all comes down to you beck2109. Bulimia is a vicious cycle of binging and purging. Versus seeing throwing up as the solution, we need to see it as a barrier to growing as a person, happiness, self-esteem, your health, and even healthily losing weight. I mean, think about it: when we think throwing up, we think "thin" and "losing weight" - if we're stuck in that mentality, we think we can eat anything we want. I don't want to encourage you to purge more, but for some people who resort to throwing up as the sol'n to weight loss or maintaining your weight, they initially don't know how to properly throw up (not that there's a manual to this), so instead they gain weight. That's my theory. I mean, when I started off, I didn't lose much weight either. I only started to lose weight when I stopped purging. I started to purge after xmas b/c of the chocolates I ate ... so now I'm back to being out of control with my cravings for it and, unfortunately, back in this bulimia cycle. It's a hard thing to break but only you can end it. The problem with us is that we're not satisfied with ourselves ... we see ourselves as half-empty instead of half-full. Looks shouldn't be everything yet we're subject to it everyday. I know, it's easier said than done. To completely stop the bulimic cycle takes a lot of mental effort but it's something that you have to continue to tell yourself. Just look at who you're hurting - yourself. In the end, even if you do happen to achieve that ideal "look" or "weight," you may finally get to please society but you suffer the consequences.

I go through this everyday. It's a constant battle I face that I usually lose. Don't lose hope though. It's hard, I know. You have to start to look within and see how truly beautiful you are ... you're young, only 16. Not that age matters since I just turned 21, but you have so much going for you. Don't waste your energy trying to impress certain groups that don't love you for who you are. There's a word for those kind of people: shallow. I have only told one person about this inner demon ... she's my source of support. Granted, it hasn't stopped me from purging but her constant reassurance and support gives me strength to keep fighting.

I realize that you are probably looking for an answer that covered "losing weight" so on top of that long paragraph, what I can tell you about losing weight is to eat healthy and be active. Losing weight should be a gradual process so if you continue to eat healthy and exercise, you should slowly lose weight. When I say eating healthy, I mean instead of eating white bread, eat wholegrain bread or instead of eating junk, eat fruits. If you plan on indulging on "junk," do so on rare occasions and in a small portion.

I hope this reply helped in some way.
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