I have been with my partner for almost 3 years, we are engaged and have a 9 month old baby. i will cut a long story short. when we first got together we were deliriously happy but it wasnt long before i started to see a different side to him.

i found out he regularly went on adult dating sites Despite having no sexual interest in me) and would speak to both men and women. he has repeatadly told me he would stop, i have repeatedly found out he still goes on them. he has been physically abusive to me on a number of occasions, some of which i have fought back, but the worst thing is the mental abuse. he calls me names, treats me horribly, he will throw, smash, kick, slam things, if i say anything he doesnt like he will shout and scream at me, often in front of out daughter.

he will shout and go in a mood at me for no reason and then try to convince me that i have started the argument and will accept no responsibility at all. he is immediately defensive whenever is speak to him and constantly accuses me of having a go at him as a way of justifying his behavior. he seems to pick on "the way i word things" all the time, for example "i ask if he was making dinner" but since i didnt say "can you make dinner" he didnt like it and became obsessed with verbally beating me down, telling me i was trying to catch him out by wording it in a different way!!


in front of his family he puts on the "im a doting dad and fiance" act but its so far from the truth. i have lost all self confidence, i feel unloved, unwanted, scared, exhausted.

i honestly have no idea what makes me stay but every time. ive tried to leave for some reason i cant. i dont love him, the only things i can think that make me stay is the financial security and the fact that i really struggle to accept the fact that the fairy tail happy family i had imagined isnt my reality. im absolutely exasperated, exhausted, fed up. i feel like im heading toward a nervous breakdown.

i know i need to leave. PLEASE HELP!!. im desperate!
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replied March 12th, 2014
Extremely eHealthy
Hello,

You are quite correct and you need to leave, if only as a duty to your child who shouldn't be exposed to such an atmosphere.

The fairy tale happy family has escaped you this time is the reality of your situation and now you need to get out and spend a while licking your wounds and healing and if love should come around again, both you and the new man will find yourselves older and hopefully wiser; you have plenty of time for another crack at a storybook ending.

In your situation knowledge is king. The more you know in advance the more confident you will feel. Blindly running away without a plan will cause you to feel weak and out of your depth so you need to know what your rights are, where you are going to go and who is going to help you and how the situation is to be resolved or wound up regarding shared assets and the father's access to the child and child maintenance.

Focus on finding out what you need to know so you can formulate a plan and make decisions and you will immediately feel stronger and less out of control.

The best place to begin is by visiting a lawyer or if you can't afford that approaching one of the many women's or family support groups where skilled and experienced volunteers will be found to guide you. It is possible you could, instead of leaving yourself, force your fiance to leave.

Had you done the sensible thing and called the police and had him arrested and charged with assault each and every time he lashed out at you it is possible things wouldn't now be so bad. Had you done that there would now be a paper trail of history and you could be on nodding terms with several local police officers whose support could be invaluable to you as your fiance's reactions could be somewhat unpredictable...

Do you announce you are leaving and move out with your goods and chattels or do you leave like a thief in the night with nothing? Do you leave a forwarding address and a note or do you remain incommunicado for a time?
These are some of the things you need to consider and the wise answer could depend on your support group of friends and family.

I hope this helps bring things into focus for you so you can arrange your priorities and formulate a plan.

Good luck!
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