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Help: I want to recover from anorexia.

I'm 16, abt 96 pounds now.

I've suffered from anorexia for about a year now, I never admit it to anyone but I do know that I've been struggling with it. It started off with my mum frequently commenting that I was fat and that I should lose some weight, and I don't know why that affected me so much but it just made me feel disgusting. I used to be about 113 pounds, which was acceptable for my height. I was going through a tough time (I liked being a high achiever in everything I did and I was always so stressed and never wanted to be inadequate) and then when I looked in the mirror I saw myself and I felt so ugly and fat and I really hated the person I saw. I hated it when anyone else commented about my body (my brother always said I was so fat) and I really believed it, I really felt like I was a complete loser. I would sit in the bathroom and cry for an hour after my bath because I hated seeing my body.

I didn't want to be like that - to let other people have control over how I felt about myself so I was determined to lose weight and I did. I suppose in my case it isn't as severe, but I did go through a torturous time forcing myself to run everyday (i know it's overexercise because eventually my legs gave way; i had multiple shin splints but i still forced myself to go and run even when i was feeling pain in every step). I was obsessed with labels on food and i cut down drastically, settled with a waffle for lunch and hardly ate anything for dinner, locked in my room because i was afraid my parents would find out. I was bent on routines and I would HAVE to only eat two pieces of wholemeal bread every morning and a half glass of milk. I had to eat at the same time every single day or I would rather forgo the meal, and my exercise routine couldn't be shifted at all - I would feel insecure and almost immediately start tearing.

Perhaps my weight now isn't astoundingly low, but I know that I've harmed my body. My period has stopped for quite some time, and lots of my hair has dropped. I'm bony but sometimes when I look in the mirror I actually feel confident, that I like not having all the fats on my thighs and that my stomach is flat, but I know that this isn't how I'm supposed to be. I want to listen to my body and let it be normal again. I have improved a lot from how I was - I enjoy more variety of food, I learnt how to cook so that I would enjoy eating again. I indulge in chocolate quite often now, I abstained from it for such a long time and I really did not know what i was missing out. I'm eating much healthier than how I used to even before anorexia, AND during anorexia so I'm determined to keep up this intake of food.

I still have trouble putting on weight though, sometimes when i put on a few more pounds I feel so scared that I'm going to go back to what I was - that I am going to be so affected and have no self confidence and feel that I'm useless and that I can be insulted by anyone. But I really want to believe in myself again. Recently though I met a family friend who last saw me 2 years back, and she commented that I'm really pretty now that I've lost weight, and that my complexion is so much better. Then she made some comments about me being "pudgy" and "plump" last time, and when I got home I really felt horrible and confused. I want to get better and I don't want to listen to what anybody says about my weight anymore but I don't want to let myself go back to what I was just so that I can be undermined by other people again.

Please help me.
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replied July 4th, 2010
Short term: You need help.

This is quite blunt, but you are annorexic, and what you've described is very severe. Talk to your parents, or show them this: if they won't help, talk to a doctor. I don't know about your weight: 96 pounds is not much, but it depends on your height.
If you put in your height and weight, it'll say what you're BMI is...and it says everything you need to know on the side.

Anyway, you need help, so you can gain your weight back, and become normal. Your right: do not listen to your family - they can't control your appearance...not if you end up like this.

Good luck.
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replied August 6th, 2015
I am a sufferer of anorexia for 25 years now. When it began for me there was a lot less understanding and help for this terrible disease which takes over your whole being. I was also only a young child when it first developed, so only have snippets of life before this began, I had not yest even developed that sense of "self", the process of self identity formation, ie knowing yourself. It is now chronic and therefore much more resistant to any treatment. I have nothing to go back to.

While recovery might seem impossible at times, I implore you to persist. Tell someone, preferably your parents, and start seeing someone to deal with this. You were perfect as you were. Weight fluctuations are common at this age and you'll be surprised how some people fill out or stretch out naturally by age 20. Focus on yourself and increase self esteem with positive self statements in the mirror in the morning.DO NOT JUST SWEEP THIS UNDER THE CARPET. I did and was ok for a while weight wise but it was under the surface all that time. This is a disease of the mind and you must alter your thinking about yourself if anything is to change, no matter how uncomfortable or difficult this is for you.

You are in the grip of anorexia, the mindset,and weight is just a corollary, the disease of the mind develops long before the heavy weight loss and sickness begins. And it's at this time you must seek help. What I do know is this, the earlier you seek help the better the chance you have of recovering. Do not give into this disease. And it is a disease, a malady of the mind, that warps your thinking. You are fearful of how it is making you think and acknowledge that it is taking over your life. This is good. It shows that normal, rational thought is still there. Its when these thoughts become so familiar that they are normalised and they no longer cause you distress that you should be most worried. For then, you have forgotten what to go back to, what is normal, healthy life and mind. you may not believe me but you don't want this to become your life and it becomes a was of life.your anorexic voice might tell you otherwise, but you must ignore it. It is wrong. This is no way to live. It will not bring you happiness. They say happiness comes from within and it's so true. And if you are not happy or are insecure, it is not your body which causes this. There are deeper issues you need to explore perhaps through counselling or family therapy. None of this was available when I was young. Family therapy I think is key. Family disfuction is both a factor and a consequence of this disease. My father akso mentioned my weight and eating when i was young. But that is not to say its his fault. I know how much he loves me and always does his best for me. But in honesty i was just extremely sensitive and insecure. It was a vulnerability within me already present. I was scared of the world, scared to grow up, scared of change, experienced severe separation anxiety for my parents and generally lost in the world. There were problems in the family, especially my parents relationship as well as my own relationship with my siblings that affected me deeply but no-one knew or understood just how much i was hrting.i felt as if my heart was breaking, almost like a constant feeling of homesickness and didnt know why. And i coped with my difficulties through comfort eating, a great distractor, as is dieting. so in a way dad was right. But i know hed never had said anything if he knew what the possible outcomes could have been. That was just me. Everybody has their own issues and vulnerabilities. It might seem that way, but dieting doesent solve them. It gives you a temporary superficial boost. And then it takes over to become seejingly the biggest problem of all.

You mentioned your mum already. Talk to her, tell her what's been going on,don't be afraid, get to the root of this now and fight with everything you have. Explore the issues that are pertinent to you. Anorexia just allows you to bury them deeper. Until all the weight loss itself becomes a problem. The amount of times I wanted to say something, to reveal my fear, to tell them I felt my mind was going, to admit something wasn't right.....I never did. They sense it I'm sure too you know but are either in denial or just don't know what to do. Don't blame, remember that you are on the one side and just get things out in the open. Contact your gp , let them guide you to the help available. I implore you, your anorexia will want you to stay hidden, but this is wrong and only shows how entrenched this disease has actually become. Fight it

I did not get the help I needed and now have kidney disease,severe bowel dysfunction, heart probs, the bones of an 80 year old, osteoarthritis and endure a life of chronic pain. The longer you let it go on, the harder it is to fight. I am battling for 25 years. This is not how it's meant to be. But if it finally takes me, I will always be fighting. I will never give up hoping. If you have no hope, you have nothing.

I never developed in the first place. I now still don't know who I am, I had nothing to "go back" to. That, and the lack of information and treatment options available is one of the reasons it wascso difficult for me to overcome. That, and the very nature of the disease, all based around fear, and my willful personality. Hold on to your sense of self, all that you are and is true outside of this disease. And never let it go.

Ignore what your anorexic instant tells you. Bring it on into the open. Like a vicious vampire that it is, shine a light on it. It will only grow stronger with secrecy and ruminating. You deserve this and owe it to yourself to be the best that you can be . anorexia will only suppress this.
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replied August 7th, 2015
I was also a anorexia patient. But now i am using chamakkatt herbals and they are very effective. They are providing great medicines for all health problems. You can also use their products to solve ur issues.
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