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Help, I'm so confused and need some advice about my 9yr old boy

I have recently left my husband after 11 years of marriage. We have a 9 year old boy together. Due to the nature of the split (I had an affair) and the fact that my husband doesn't work, we have decided that he remain sole parent of our child and I have my son for 2 evenings a week and a full day on Saturday.

My boyfriend whom I was having an affair with, lives in Queensland, Australia while I live in Melbourne, Australia - about 2 hours apart by plane trip.

My boyfriend used to live in Melbourne but he hates it here, climate etc. He is reluctant to move down here to be with me cause of this reason.

Problem is that if I move up to Queensland, I will only be able to see my son on School Holidays and maybe a weekend here and there throughout the year as well as regular phonecalls. I feel like I would be a bad mum and deserting my son in a sense in order to try and make a go of it with the man I love and who loves me.

Am I wrong and bad if I contemplate moving away??? I want honest answers, what would others do in my situation? Please any advice will be appreciated. I love my son so much and the last thing I want to do is to be deserting him and having people think I don't care......
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replied October 28th, 2010
Experienced User
Speaking from the point of view of children whom I grew up with that went through this type of situation. It was heartbreaking for them to see their parents split (because it redefined their self worth, as they are literally a physical makeup of those two parents being together). Then having to stay only with one parent (seeing the other occasionally) and watching any stresses that the live-in parent was going through, brought conflicting emotions of hurt, abandonment and eventually anger toward the absent parent (this is based on actual events).

I'm sure your son has already got so much going on emotionally and he is growing through a young age which in itself is a big deal, especially when you're the one going through it. I wanted to let you know what I witnessed and to remember that at his age he can probably only deal with how 'he' feels about all that has happened thus far.

All the best.
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replied November 8th, 2010
Kids of separated parents need to be with the parent they don't live with, each weekend and 2 continuous weeks once per year. That amounts to like 30% of the time, and that is what they need. If you care about him stay, if you want to put your past life behind and go on, leave but you're a caring mother and knowing you left your son will haunt you all the time and I don't think you'll be able to go on with your life with feeling of guilt sitting on your shoulder. My advice to you will be to stay and if your boyfriend understands you he'll stick to you.
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