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Help, Bi-Polar wife is pregnant and Im drained!

Hello everyone,

Well to start off short, my wife of almost a year has Bi-Polar disorder and suffers from depression, this has been an issue in her past relationships and she did warn me about it when we started dating, as well as a few of her Ex Friends that I knew. Anyways, I married her for her, the bad and good. She tells me everyone has left her because of her disorder and I chose not to ever do that. I want to take care of her as much as I can. My wife quit her job a few months after dating because she was not happy working, she honestly admits to not liking to work. She also wants to spend more time with her son, who is through another father. The father is not on the birth certificate so I kind of came in and I am the first person he has called dad. He is currently 6 years old and I love him to death. My daughter, through another relationship is also 6 years old and the kids adore each other. Long story short, my wife had two miscarriages in the last year and we are and have been trying to a baby, we found out she was pregnant again just a few weeks ago and I am beyond excited!!! I love my wife and couldn't imagine not having a child with her and blending our beautiful family. But I literally feel like I’m going to physically drop and just quit of life.

I have always been a happy, cheerful and sociable person and my wife has too but when she has her episodes, I see a side of her I still love and want to take care of but they drain me more and more, each time and I feel like I may collapse soon mentally and physically. Before she was pregnant, I knew she didn't like chores, so I really never asked her to do much for me or the family when I am at work. I usually iron at least half my work clothes, cook dinner here and there, do the laundry, do her sons homework, and the dishes. Then I am usually exhausted at the end of the day and want to go to bed. I love doing everything I can to help her because I know how bad depression can be, but I am starting to drain. Ever since she has been pregnant, I don’t want her to endure another miscarriage so I asked her not to do anything besides cook dinner, IF she feels up to it. I told her all the chores will be my responsibility when I’m off work. The last three days have taken a toll on me and I have been putting her son to bed and cleaning, organizing for the baby and last night I had to move a washer and dryer upstairs by myself and my wife forgot a ratchet I needed to get it upstairs. I used the bungee cord she wanted me to use and it popped me in my rib cage and it literally felt like a gun shot. My wife is on her phone, like usual playing on Facebook or Solitaire and is frustrated because she is hungry and her son is not helping me. Mind you I just got off work, I get frustrated and asked her how she got everything else at Lowes that I did not remind her but the thing I reminded her (the ratchet) she didn't get. She told me I forgot, that was it and back on her phone. So I rolled me eyes and continued ripping apart boxes while she was on her phone and all hell broke loose. She got so mad that I rolled my eyes and we fought for hours, still have not really spoken to each other. I left the house for a bit and came back and the fight continued, she told me I am a *fagot* (because of my hand motions when I argue,) she told me no one (her and her son) don’t want me there at her house (hers before I met her,) she told me to leave and I am nothing but stress on her right now and she wants to avoid me during the entire pregnancy.

I almost started crying to her last night because I have tried everything and give all my energy I have to help her and take care of her son. We all say hurtful things when mad, but the look in her eyes seemed so real. I always apologize after an argument if I said something I didn’t mean. She did not apologize or wants to, she told me I need to deal with her attitude and anger but she doesn't need to deal with mine. She always tells me how good I have it, even though I am confused because I do so much for her and her son. I told her last Friday morning I wanted a divorce in the morning because we had a fight similar to this and they just seemed ongoing. I apologized after our argument and did everything in my power that day to beg for forgiveness. I hate fighting with her, we have such perfect times when she is in a good mood. But I do get exhausted with everything and get frustrated sometimes and that leads to an argument. I’m just exhausted and drained. I love her to death and would do anything for her and try to. When I look at her, I always want to hold her and just keep her in my arms and let her know everything is ok but she will say don’t touch me. I don’t know what to do anymore and I don’t want to lose her but I also don’t want to breakdown enough where I am in the hospital. I also take care of my daughter and pay more than what is required in child support. I am supporting two families, but the one I am with is making me unhappy even though I love my family to pieces... Any help please???
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replied February 10th, 2019
(online)
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
Depression is getting worse in pregnancy. Similar situations is with other psychiatric disorders.
She would need mind relaxation excercises and optimal treatment. Once pregnancy ends everything will normalize.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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