I was just broken up with by my bp boyfriend of a year and a half. rollercoaster does not even come close to an explanation of what I went through. he broke up with me before and i think he was in a manic state. i did research and figured out he was bp. i confronted him and he said hed never been diagnosed but that it was obvious-he kept it from me!! then came back to me saying he needed time to think about what he really wanted in life, and realized he wanted to move in with me, that i was the love of his life, his dream girl, his best friend and that we would be together forever and that he wouldnt just walk out again. his mother had severe depression, and grandmother has bp. for a whole month he was a dream come true, started going to therapy and added another medication to the mix. I WAS IN HEAVEN, soooo in love and was starting to trust him again. A month later he became depressed, shut down and shut me out. He started saying he needed space and time here and there. hes a business owner and just stayed home rather than worked, napped everyday, ate take out everynight, didnt clean his house and just wanted to sit on the couch. A week before christmas he says he needs a break, that hes just not happy in life, we both know its not me. he says maybe we're too different and ill be better off in the long run without him and to trust him. He wouldnt tell me he didnt love me, and said it wanst about not wanting to be with me.. im completely heartbroken... i had envisioned our life together. i didnt imagine us ever breaking up again. a few days later i was told he was hanging out with other girls. soo hurtful. someone who is in love wouldnt want to be with other people, already!! after new years he started texting me saying im the love of his life, im his dream girl, he loved me, that hell always love me. i am so mentally exhausted from everything. i did everything for him, i took care of him like my child and he can just walk out on me again after he promised he wouldn't. it seems as though he doesnt feel bad, like he has no feelings whatsoever. how could he just move on like that, tell other people he just wasnt happy, and then text me very emotional things. he just doesnt get it and i am hurt beyong belief. i dont know if he is continuing therapy now that im not around to support him. i think about him everyday, and cant stop analyzing the situation, which he told me not to do becuase he knows i am like that. he says ill never understand and that the pain i was going through is what he goes through on a daily basis. He threw me away, and i was the one who had his back, was completley loyal to him, did not judge him, tried to make his life easier, and was going to tie myself into this for the rest of my life becuase i loved him that much...now hes out with 20 year olds- hes 31 and im 27. he will never find another woman who will do the things for him that i did, and i just dont know how he doesnt get it. Other people will leave when it gets tough, no one wants to deal with other peoples issues anymore. i give other girls 6 months tops before they bow out. i think its the biggest mistake hes ever made becuase i was the best thing thats ever happened to him Sad why would you let the love of your life and the girl of your dreams go? it just doesnt make any sense to me and i know im trying to rationalize an irrational case. I need help getting through this....
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First Helper katbugg24
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replied January 9th, 2010
Advise
Your story is exactly the same as mine. I have learned some things along the way after seeking help from others. You need to remember that this is not you, it's nor your fault. He is not himself right now! He may be manic or depressed or cycling rapidly. Either way this is not a person you can have a rational conversation with. The more rational you will try to be with him the more he will argue the opposite. When you talk keep it simple and general. Right now he cannot deal with serious issues such as a relationship.
1. He has left you and he now becomes his famillies responibility (I know this is hard to accept). Make sure your accounts and money are secure and he cannot have access to them. He will spend all your money if he is manic.
2. Do not talk to him about his illness or your relationship! Right now you are talking to a tree. He will not listen and show any remorse for your suffering. I know this is hard, trust me I know. But you could do more damage if you place further pressure on him about these issues. He knows he is not well, that is why he has left you. To be with people who do not know about him.
3. When you do talk to him always leave him with something "e.g I am here if you need to talk."
4. LOOK AFTER YOU! This man will have you pulling your hair out trying to search for answers. Answers you cannot find! Talk to a counsellor yourself. I have been through all of this for four years. They will emotionally and mentally destroy you if you become too invovlved and I did. Bipolar took over evrything. Four years later and I am finally reaching the point of the information I am giving you. I tried to rescue him and fix him because he was my spouse, my reponsibility. Again, once he has left you and you have to place this in his famililes hands. Its also the only way to hopefully have your relationship succeed becuase you will become his enemy for knowing too much if he is manic.
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replied January 11th, 2010
thank you for responding. I do not have any desire to talk to him whatsoever at this point, about anything. he has done way too much damage and i cannot keep obsessing about what he says to me or how things happened or how I feel about any of it. He is continuing to text me and call me and i am unsure why. he is the one who broke up with me for whatever reasons. if it is soley becuase of his illness and what is going on in his head then so be it. i do not understand why he even cares about what i do, where i go or who i am with. but the way he has acted since our break up it leaves me no choice but the cut him out completely as it is affecting me and hurting me becasue i dont understand it. I saw him this weekend with another girl kissing her, and i was with a guy friend of mine. he left the bar with her so i thought he was all set. then he starts texting me nasty things, then it goes to I love you, then he starts calling then its back to nasty all at 3 in the morning. I can no longer give him support and tell him things like Ill always be here for you or things like that. i never tried to fix him or save him. I knew that he needed to go back to therapy so I supported it and I thought that his illness was manageable. At this point I am done being a punching bag and I am over being dragged through the dirt. He is texting me now asking me if i hate him. He cant handle that i am trying to move on with my life, without him. he would rather think tha ti am at home crying in my soup then going out and living my life. He can have one of his new "girls" take care of him from now on. this isnt my job and im so over it. I dont need this in my life.
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replied January 17th, 2010
Sweetie

You have to stop and listen to yourself. Right now you are so deeply embedded in these feelings, they have gone on for so long now, that it seems "normal". It's not.

Like the previous poster said, sometimes BP people esp if unmedicated can act in the most hurtful ways imaginable, they seem unbelievable to us, like fellow humans would not act and we get ourselves all worked up at the injustice of it all. How can that loving man/woman then act in this way? We tear our hair out with it and send ourselves into bad places mentally too.

I haven't fully recovered from my run in, I still sometimes wish the woman I'd fallen for was not the illusion but the full package. It's hard. It's really hard.. but at the end of the day you have to put yourself first. This isn't emotionally good behaviour for you and you are running yourself wragged with worry and upset. You have to heal and leave yourself open to finding a man who will not act in these ways. Like ive said in other posts, we can talk about bipolar all day and how they can treat people sometimes but YOU are accepting it. Who cares what he does, he is not treating you with basic human respect and at this level you have to say enough is enough girlfriend and step the heck off.

You deserve better. I suggest therapy and not to talk endlessly about him, but to talk about why and how you've gotten into this situation accepting things you clearly don't believe are fair and right. You need to get your self respect and self esteem back.
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replied August 2nd, 2011
Experienced User
Exactly my case.
He left me again and got yet another woman,said yet again it is nothing serious, but he did get a woman.i dont know the type of woman but I can very well imagine.
After so long with me he just dropped me again and just went, he cannot love, he is not open to love, he said he wanted to be alone but went after a woman, he emails me asking to meet me and saying he cares,says he does not want anything to do with me, the messages are completely messy and cancelling each other.
This thing of saying he does not want anything to do with me is so strange, normal people do not just say that to someone they used to love, used to be with, they care about, they keep emailing and say they want to meet to talk,I mean, normal people when they say the kind of things John said to me they mean it, and if they one day say `i dont want anything to do with you` it is because something horrendous happened to the relationship. Well, in our case nothing changed, I did not cheat on him, I was most loving and understanding of his problems, however he can say those things to me without a reason and Im left wondering where I went wrong.
No sooner I start to let go he emails asking me to meet him to talk!
My self esteem is in tatters because he stopped being sexual with me for no reason as well.I cannot believe that those women he is picking can be any good or better than I could be, I loved him so much and did all I could to show this to him in bed and in every situation in our lives. He seems to want to be with women to whom he has no real relationship. Feeling something for the person, as he does for me, stop his sexual feelings. He cannot feel horny and loving at the same time.he says he respect me too much, he does not want to hurt me, he cares too much about me , so the lust stops. Anybody has gone trough that ?
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