Medical Questions > Relationships > Dating Forum

He wants to just be friends, but doesn't act that way.

Almost 6 months ago I reconnected with a guy from high school. He knew him through a couple of friends of mine, we were in classes together but never really hung out or anything. So I saw him on Myspace because I was looking up people from high school. I send him a friends request and he immediately replied and proceeded to tell me how he had a huge crush on me in high school. We both no longer live in our hometown but do happen to live only a state away. So he asked me a bunch of questions and then told me that maybe he'd come visit after we had talked awhile. I was very flattered. Side note: In high school I weighed about 400lbs, I have since lost a lot of weight and I thought it was nice that he knew me when I was heavy and liked me..and that he liked me now...I'm still considered obese.

So we talked online almost everynight. He said he wanted to visit but couldn't make any promises as to when. I offered to come see him and he said no, then admitted that he really wanted to take things slow because he's moved too quickly in other relationships and it seemed to mess things up. O.k. I wasn't even looking for a relationship, I even asked him...what are you looking for with this and he replied "let's just see how things go". I will admit I got a bit impatient because I thought we'd never "see how things go" if we never met in person.

Well in October I happen to be flying through where he lived and we had dinner. Then in November we were both going to be home for Thanksgiving. There was a lot of talk about sex. I asked him if he thought we were ready, i.e. was it too soon. And he said we were ready. So over the t-day weekend we had sex 3 times. He stayed and cuddled afterwards, etc.

Then about a week of so later he was sick and we were talking about how he was feeling, and bodily functions etc and made a joke about how I thought our relationship had reached a new level by the topic we're talking about. He replied...well friends can talk about these things because friends do care about each other. Ummm o.k. I get the message. There was another incident where I felt he was pushing me away so I didn't text him for about day....and then he got upset. I sent him a long message about how I was just protecting myself from being hurt because I guess I'm more involved in this than I should be ect. and replied "well after reading that I'm just not ready for a relationship"...ummm excuse me I didn't ask for one...I was saying I need to take a step back myself. I said let's just go back to what we were.

So for we got see each other in our hometown for a couple days at christmas, he came over to see me, brought dinner and asked for a back rub, then we had sex. He stayed and we cuddled and watched tv on the couch. We then had plans to fly together...me to his city then onto mine. When I picked him up for the airport we kissed. Then throughout the day he was grabbing my butt and kissing me. We had dinner in the airport and he got up to get something and gave me kiss before he left the table. He walked me to my gate and we sat and cuddled until it was almost time for me to board. I told him to go on home because he was falling asleep. He kissed me goodbye and told me he'd come to visit me, and that I'd better let him know when i was home safe because he worries about me. He left, then text me to say that he considered me one of his best friends.

O.k. I've read the book He's just not that into you...so I'm not hanging onto the hope that this will be something. But I'm still confused by his behavoir, to me friends don't have sex, and even friends w/ benefits don't kiss and cuddle in public. Right?

I'm not keeping my hopes up about him visiting. The balls in his court and it's his issue not mine. Although i guess I'm the one typing here for help. I guess I don't understand that he doesn't want a relationship, but still expects daily texts from me. Anytime I go a long time without sending him one he asks if I'm ok. I told him I shouldn 't have to iniate conversation. Ugh this is why I've been single for past 11 years...not worth the incredibly' hassle!
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replied March 3rd, 2009
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ok, my first mistake was not being best friends first, that came later. But I consider my partner now being my best friend.

Although the way this guy is acting he is into you, but he is keeping his options open, as you live a part. I don't believe he is or has been totally up front with you or honest.

Have you ever considered that he see's you, when he is in between "girlfriends" sorry, he just sounds the type...

I would do a test one more time as

your being direct with him and he's playing with you, so play the game back. Thats if you really want a GUY LIKE THAT....

I believe you deserve better than that... you have a big heart... give it some-one more deserving and trusting...
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