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happy, I know it's there, I just don't know how to find it

Ok so this probly won't make any sense but I'll try my best to make it alittle sensible. I believe I am depressed. I am so confused about life it makes me so depressed. I just want to be happy and don't know if I can be. My future I have no clue where it's going. Never been in a relationship before. Probly never going to be in one. I believe I am so ugly it hurts and I think I shouldn't be alive because I'm so ugly. I have self esteem issues bad. I thought I was gay but now I don't know what I am. I'm so tired no matter how much sleep I get. I feel just wordless and hopeless and don't know what to do. I've thought about suicide but I'm to scared to die. I have barely friends. And the ones I do have don't really like to do the stuff I like so I feel so alone. I feel like if I make new friends and be into a relationship then I'll be happy but I know I can't rely on other people for happiness. I just feel so lost and mad and sad and tired and I just want to escape this feeling. The biggest thing that bothers me though is how I think I'm so ugly. When I see a good looking guy,I get so jealous and sad and think to myself why can't I look like him or be friends with them. I've noticed I've only attract people I don't find attractive at all. I just feel like the outcast no one cares about and if I was gone. Nothing will change. Half of this stuff is so stupid I shouldn't be thinking about this stuff. Overthinking is a huge problem. I honesty don't know what to do. I feel like the only option is to commit sucide. I just want to be happy, I know it's there, I just don't know how to find it back.
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replied September 13th, 2016
There’re so much to live for. You are very young, I guess, if you think that appearance makes any difference. Do you know Nicholas Vujicic? Ask google, if not. Without both hands and legs since he was born, he has millions of followers. And look how beautiful his wife is! So just ask yourself, which of your thoughts can be interesting for people. Make unusual hobby. And go to gym. Strong body makes a strong mind.
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