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Going Through Relationship Problems Due To Cocaine Addiction

Hi there,
I've been an addict with abuse of cocaine and crack for 8 years now. I was married and had a daughter and was clean for 2 years. After 2 years married my wife came to me admitting she cheated on me with 5 different people. I completely lost control and spiraled into oblivion. I had a successful brick laying company, a 4 bedroom house, 2 vehicles, all supported through just me. She was stay at home mom. After 6 months of blowing every last penny i had on drugs I checked into a rehab centre where I stayed for 8 months. Our marriage didn't work out.

I am now with a new girl and we've been together for 2 years. Before we even started dating I warned her that I had been terribly hurt by cheaters in the past and I couldn't handle it again being in the stage of my recovery I was in. She told me I could trust her. 5 Months later i found her texting love messages to her ex and during the 2 years we've been together she's seen him multiple times and lied to me about it. I didn 't even make it to 1 year clean because I broke out in a depression finding out about all this. Now its been an endless cycle of me getting high and now she gets high with me. She is now 5 months pregnant and I am making every effort to try and stop. Today is day 3 which isn't much but thats saying alot for a crack addict. Tonight she punched me in the face when I was crying because I said I missed what we had in the beginning. I never had any parents growing up, I've been on my own since I was 16, so guidance was absent. She continuously kicks me out day in and day out and I find myself walking the streets at night wishing someone would care for me. What am I to do? I love her, but can I honestly get better?

I'm scared because we are having a kid together, but I'm beginning to think we're just not meant for each other. She doesn't feel the way I do. Am i a sucker for love? Did I make the wrong choice with this one? Should I have left a long time ago? I can be clean again, i know this, but it makes it so hard when the person who is supposed to be your rock and support puts you down, hits you and calls you names, cheats on you, lies and insults your intellegence and calls you a deadbeat because your last marriage failed.

Am I being abused?

I just don't know anymore, my problem is I'm broke and have no place to go or stay.
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replied December 13th, 2018
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and i understand your concern. I am sorry for your losses. You tried and played your role. You moved on. Stopped the addiction, signed up to programs for rehab. If some one cheated on you they dont deserve you, try to move on.

I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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