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given me the "only friends" thing, then "never say never"

Another topic here just to try and vent some pent up emotions rather than just look for pity. Anyone to listen would do what's left of this heart well...

I have been in love with what you could say is my best friend for years. Yes, she is a woman and so am I. When most people speak of love these days, they speak of passing fancy, sexual attraction and emotions that never linger long.

I feel completely different for her. I would do absolutely anything for her, when she hurts.. it kills me. When she cries, I want nothing more than to take away her tears. I have always pictured us growing old together, and sharing the bonds that true love gives.

She's the light of my life. I think about how she is when I wake up, and she is the last person I tell I love before I fall asleep at night. Just the smallest things about her fill my life with joy. Her laugh, her smile. I honestly couldn't think of her as more perfect. She is my heart. I absolutely know that she is my soulmate, and I could never love another as I do her.

I know I would never break her heart, cheat on her, or leave her. She means that much to me. She would be the one I would give my heart to forever, and I would marry her in a heartbeat.

This brings us to reality. I don't know exactly how she feels. I sometimes get mixed signals from her. We've always been very close. We talk everyday, and we've always spent a lot of time together. She even wants me to move closer so we can do more things together. However, she's given me the "only friends" thing over and over. But, then she says .. "never say never." She's mentioned before that she never wants another committed relationship with anyone.. which have been all men. Which also, she has not been back into a relationship since we met. She does know how I feel, I've spilled my heart to her a few times. She said she is perfectly fine with me loving her.

I am so horribly confused here. I don't know if I should just always keep loving her alone, or keep openly caring for her as a friend.. hoping that things will turn around. I can't live without her, I do know that with no doubt in my heart.

I also never was or will be attracted to another woman again. But I fell for this one precious and amazing one, and it kills me a little more each day not being together.

Any advice would help greatly.
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First Helper User Profile Letitshine

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replied February 14th, 2012
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I think you should ask her out on a date or ask if you could further your relationship.

My friend lived in another country, she had confessed to me many times, that she liked me but the distance dampened my sitiuation. I am one of those people who can't commit because I hate feeling tied down, I dislike the thought of loosing my freedom involuntarily.

We stayed friends even though I knew she liked me, we both saw different people but I realized that she is the one whom I feel most comfortable with. Shes the one who I can call my friend and enjoy her company, I wasn't loosing my freedom but I was gaining a partner in crime. I told her last year exactly how I felt and that I wanted more from her and you know what, shes sitting next to me and we're engaged.

Most people who don't want to commit either need some time or sometimes they they are afraid of loosing their freedom.

I think that you should tell her straight up that you want a relationship, explain to her that shes not loosing her freedom but gaining a partner in crime.

I wish you all the best and I hope everything works out, sometimes you just need to lay it out flat.
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replied February 19th, 2012
That's a tough one. On one hand you want to further the relationship but on the other you don't want to scare her away. Does she have any idea of your feelings for her? How does she view your relationship, is she bi? You said she has only dated guys. I'd suggest to bring the subject up slowly as opposed to belting out your feelings because you may end up heartbroken. Get her ideas on the subject first before declaring your undying love is my advice. This should be taken gradually but soon. Best wishes!
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