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Girlfriend's past is bothering me.. pls.. need help coping...

I think I'm falling for this girl pretty hard, and well, she's by no means a "slut", not even close. She's extremely proper and classy, but it's just that she's kind of been in 2 long term relationships. Each lasting 2 years with 2 year break in between.. And she lived with both of them.. but she's only "BEEN" with 2 guys TOTAL. I know that's not a lot but the fact that they were long term relationships and that she LIVED with them is what gets to me.. the amount, total, not the amount of person.. I'm still a V but can't help but think that we're... "uneven". I don't know if she's the one, yet, it's too early to tell, definitely. But this has just been the biggest obstacle that I'm trying my best to get across. She's committed herself to 2 guys twice before me, and so I feel less than adequate when it comes to us forming a relationship. Because to me, she's special, extremely special (to me.). But I just can't help but feel like there's nothing she can do to make me really feel equally special, that she hasn't already done with someone else.. I know it seems immature. But I'm just trying to be honest here. It's like a checklist of things in my head.. and she's had a lot more checks in her life than mine.. and ideally I just wanted a girl that check things off at the same time as me. Is this unfair? And she doesn't like to talk about her past w/ me, but she will if really pushed. Though I do try my best not to push too hard.. ofc. she regrets it. She says she wasn't happy with them.. and she broke it off with both of them. But 2 years.. it's just so long to me.. especially twice. Honestly I think it's just the fact that she committed herself so strongly to 2 other men is what bothers me.. but she says she regrets it. nd I know she does. I know she does.. I just.. wish there was a way to get over this. I keep thinking back to her past.. and it's not as easy as just "living in the present". Especially for me.

Does anyone out there have any advice for me on how to deal? I mean I know the "advice", I know all of the logical explanations. It was the past, she chooses me now, she regrets it, she's a better person because of it, look towards the future, etc. But.. why.. even after knowing all of this, do I still feel this way? I'm just asking if there's an exercise or something I can do mentally to help me ease over this pain lol. Because I really do care about this girl, and I've looked up everything I can to try and get past -> my <- problem. I know this is a problem with me, and not hers AT ALL. So please if anyone took this as me blaming my girlfriend, please forgive me for any misconception. I meant that it is the way I'm handling my girlfriend's past / dealing with my girlfriend's past, is what I blame. This whole way of thinking, how I was brought up expecting a perfect "clean slate" type of girl to be with. And I know it's unfair, especially considering her age and mine. (Mid-twenties) Anyway, any help is thoroughly appreciated. And who knows, maybe I just need a little emphasis. But I'm hoping for something new out there, that hasn't been said before. My biggest milestone was just 2 nights ago, I learned about "forgiveness", and that helped a lot. I learned to forgive the pains of the past, or at least forgive for the most part. But there's still an underlying feeling beneath me, at the bottom of my heart, and honestly, I hate it. I don't blame her at all, I blame me. That's why I made this post today, cheers if you can help. And cheers if you can't, I appreciate you taking time out of your day to read the problems of a complete stranger, lol.

-d
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This post has been removed because it did not meet our Community Guidelines.

replied December 30th, 2012
Looks like I hit a soft spot for you, you need to learn to realize not all people have the same mental mindset as you. I was diagnosed with a type of Possessive-OCD which is the cause of my entire problem. Your advice though vaguely appreciated sounded more of a way for you to scold a complete stranger, with a "mightier than thou" attitude. The way I phrased my original post was extremely respectful to both her and myself, and I had said nothing hurtful about anyone. The way you responded was that of a 12 year old, calling people names without understanding the entire scenario. You need to grow up, and realize everything you've listed I've pointed out. And you insulting does nothing at all to help, in any way whatsoever, besides fill that need inside you to feel better than someone else temporarily. I made this thread, asking for help, and advice, because I'm well aware of what my problems are. Not to be scolded by morons who think the world is as black and white as they force it out to be. Maybe take a lesson in manners yourself before responding so harshly and immaturely next time.

So if you're gonna help, help. But don't use this as an excuse to put somebody down for your own small-minded insecurities.
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replied January 1st, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Hello again,

It was my offering that was removed after your complaint and I agree my choice of language, that was designed to create a pause for thought or even to shock a little, could have been misunderstood and wouldn't have been appropriate for everyone.

I am sorry you found my choice of language offensive rather than mildly shocking and even a little amusing as intended. That is the language of choice among my circle here in the UK and is part of the everyday, rather than the formal usage of English.
Here sometimes "insults" are a good thing...

Had you declared yourself to be ocd in your original post I would have used less informal terminology...

It wasn't my intention to scold you but to inject some realism into your situation because my experience has shown me that too much analysing of "normal" everyday situations is counter-productive and can sometimes be very corrosive to relationships, especially developing ones.

We all have ideas of what the world and its people should be like but unfortunately we have to deal with these things as they are and that sometimes needs an outsider to shock us out of a cycle of undesirable attitudes or actions.
I was trying to do just that.

In all other ways my advice was good. You are falling for a young woman and you are in danger of spoiling things for both of you by your interrogations when romance is really about enjoying and valuing the moments of togetherness.

I want you to enjoy togetherness with your lady without making the mistakes I made in my youth. That is why I termed my advice in such a way.

Again I apologise and I am also sorry you misunderstood my intentions.

Good luck!
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