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Girlfriend Refuses to Leave Abusive Schizophrenic Mother

I am having a big problem.
My girlfriend has PTDS and is having and has had severe emotional/anger problems for a very long time.
The reason for these problems is her schizophrenic mother. Her mother has manipulated and lied and controlled and abused her for her entire life. She makes her feel like leaving her would be the end of the world and subjects her to immense cruelties for simply coming to visit me.
I can't get past hating her. I'm the one who helped my girlfriend to understand and forgive her, but she has this trauma bond and unhealthy loyalty toward this woman. It wouldn't be so bad, except she continues to emotionally abuse my gf. She triggers her symptoms of emotional and physical abuse from the past inflicted by her while continuing to add on new problems, while my gf stays stuck in the middle of these problems never making much progress. Her mental health, in my opinion, is not getting better. Constant exposure to her mother only makes it worse.
Of course, bringing up that I think maybe she should leave just makes her angry because she is so used to the abuse that she tries to treat it as no big deal while still working on resolving her past issues and pain from it. While this has helped some, it does not prevent her from having further problems.
Her mother also affects our relationship and finds any reason to try to drive us apart and hate me. To my understanding she has always actively sabotaged everything that makes my gf happy and has ruined her self esteem beyond repair up to this point. And yes, she still does it! SHE WON'T STOP DOING IT AND MY GIRLFRIEND DOESN'T THINK STAYING THERE IS A PROBLEM.

Have I really overstepped my bounds by suggesting she should leave? Or is that a perfectly reasonable suggestion? If so, how could I convince her it's best? And if I can't, how can I tolerate seeing the person I love the most in the world actively degraded, hurt and abused? HOW CAN I TOLERATE THIS? How can I be more supportive? I'm looking at spending the rest of my life with this woman. I never anticipated having a live-in mother-in-law who tries to make everyone's life around her revolve around herself and hurts those who don't. God, can anyone help me with this?
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replied February 7th, 2014
You need to help your girlfriend get out of that situation, fast. Schizophrenia is a condition that will never get better. It only gets worse, and there are happy moments when you think it'll all be okay, but they'll surprise you suddenly with something much worse than before when you least expect it. Your girlfriend still thinks that her mom will get better if she acts a certain way, does certain things to make her mom happy. It won't work. She'll only fall deeper and deeper into an emotional trap of bondage and masochism. It's good that you helped her see how poison her mother is to her, continue to do that. Ask her how she feels every time an episode breaks. Tell her that it won't change. Believe me, with a schizophrenic mother myself, it doesn't. You think it will and it doesn't. She needs to realize how crappy her mother treats her. She needs to know that her mom will never change. Distance will usually help, but anybody close to a schizophrenic is bound to get bitten at least once. There is just no possibility for a close relationship with someone who has it, and your girlfriend needs your help to understand that she's digging a huge grave for herself to continue to be there. She's so used to it and feels like it's a comfort because of the lack of real mothering she's had, so she stays with the sole small source of it that she can get. It's dangerous. Abusive schizophrenics are not good to be around ever. Remind your girlfriend that she is worth much more than what the depression and self-hate is, that she can be happy and change her life instead of living the sadness and trauma over and over again. She can be happy. She needs to know this. She needs to know that she is not whatever her mom makes her out to be. She is her own person. And she can leave this and learn to love herself.
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