Medical Questions > Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum

Girlfriend of 10 years just up and left our family

My girlfriend, well actually registered domestic partners, decided she wanted to walk away from our life we've built so that she can do whatever she wants and hook up with other people. We were together for 10 years and it wasn't always pretty, we hit bumps over that time, but we always got thru things as a team. We split up once before when we were having problems, I moved out and we just took our time and hung out a little here and there, then that became more and more as we started reconnecting. We started off in a bad place 10 years ago, and there was a point in time where we were homeless with nothing, and together with no help from anyone we managed to build what we have today, and she just decided it means nothing to her. A friend of ours says she may be having a midlife crisis, she's 41 and she's trying to relive her early 20's by getting back into her old club scene full force, and with that comes the things and people who helped with her bad decisions that lead to her life crumbling in the past. We were strung out on herion and meth way back and we managed to kick all that and restructure our lives. We also have an 8 year old son who at the moment lives with me full time and she is making no effort to spend anytime with him because it's no longer convenient for her to have that responsibility. She started doing this whole change back in march, and she kept pushing me further away while pulling me in at the same time, but everytime she went out she wouldn't come home till the next day because she had met someone and was basically going home with him. I kept fighting to keep our family together and she kept saying she wasn't done here but then she didn't know then it was i don't like you, I have no feelings for you, I don't love you, but I don't know what I want. So she moved into a room last Monday, saying it was just a temporary separation and that we would be seeing eachother alot and working on us but from a distance, because with what she was doing it was hurting me so much I told her we couldn't just be roommates because it would hurt everyday having to watch her going off doing what she was doing. Now she's sending mixed signals, saying she doesn't know what's going to happen but she does know she likes having this freedom that she has to do as she pleases with whoever and not have to worry about anyone else. I want to just let go and move on, but it's difficult because not only does she have a grip on me but also beine in our apartment, looking at our son, it's a reminder that she was here and now the place is missing a big part of it. I know she's stringing me along, keeping me close enough to keep that hold just incase everything crumbles around her she'll always have me to fall back on, and I don't want to be that guy, the guy that she chooses because something didn't work out the way she planned. It's difficult knowing what she's doing, but the worse part is her abandoning our son. He stopped asking if shes ever going to come visit us, now he says "I know mommy isn't going to be coming to see us that much" and "I'm making you a present for Father's day and I'm going to make you one for mothers day too cause mommy's not here anymore." I told him last Monday that mommy was moving out for a little while, not forever, we just need to be apart so we can stop fighting and be able to talk things out so she can come home...I didn't even take her keys, she can show up anytime, or text, or call, but nothing. How do I just let everything go, push the memories down for a bit so I can get over this and move on? I want her to come back, but would it even work out if she did, because she'll still go to club every other Saturday night which I haven't had a problem with, she gets to go let loose and unwind, it's good for her...but the 2 guys she's been hooking up with are old friends of hers she's known forever and both go to club always and one is a dj at the club, so she'll be seeing them and I don't think at this point with everything that has happened that I would ever be able to trust her when she says nothing is going on and I have nothing to worry about, especially since she said the same things everytime she went out prior to her moving. Anybody have anything to help me start the letting go process so I can continue to build a good life for myself and my son? I don't want to be a doormat or a fool, but I also don't want to have the "what ifs" if I completely let go
Did you find this post helpful?
Quick Reply