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Forever despairingly alone. Lets Beat It.

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I've read through many of the posts on here and I see people without hope. People who sit in front of their computer or lay around their house praying that one day they will have their chance at love. I feel as if I'm of a minority in a boat seperate from these people, but together we suffer the same storm. The only way this problem is going to be fixed is with action not moping, and from my experience it is a very long and slow process. I wish this world was perfect and we could all be happy without having to change ourselves but that isn't the way our world works. Maybe my story will inspire some few to action. Now let me tell you about my life.

I stand as a 23 year old man, who has never had a girlfriend.

Just like everyone else, whether they will admit it or not, I am picky about who may be my girlfriend. My interests are such that I want her to be attractive, and to me that means a pretty face and a very slim body. On the flip side of this coin I am extremely lenient. So long as I am loved and appreciated, I am totally understanding and capable of dealing with very nearly any personality.

Now unlike the majority that I see who are stagnant in their self loathing helplessness.. succumbing to the blistering storm, I stand and fight for my survival. I've cried, I've felt hopeless.. and I've grown better though it.

First step. I know that in order to attract the type of woman I desperately need in my life, she would also have to be attracted to me. So from there I set about changing my life. I began to workout, lift weights, and eat healthy. I began using whitening kits on my teeth. I've since flossed and brushed my teeth after every meal unless horribly inconvenient. After a deal of time my body transformed into something that I could finally work with. Though understand, even still and forever more I will put vast amounts of energy into this because this is a life long change for the dear woman I will one day be blessed with.

I practiced healthy posturing and stumbled upon an idea to drastically change how others would perceive me. I dropped all my old high school logo shirts, funky shorts, etc. and I converted my wardrobe into a much more sophisticated set of clothes. The results were shocking. Now instead of being overlooked I was noticing girls checking me out for once. Now it was time to take the next step.

My looks were finally where I needed them to begin hoping that I may achieve my soul's one and only desire. So after all this I thought, "So what is the next step?" My conclusion was, time to talk with the girls.. and this turned out to be the steepest hurdle. Transformation from an introvert into an extravert.

After much hard work I looked good enough for the kind of woman I desired, but there was a sharp reality check that was waiting around the corner to punch me in the face. I found myself wired such that a woman's looks were the only make and break for me. Unfortunately, girls are not wired like this and while looks are very much a potential deal breaker to them.. so is personality and experience.

My first attempts at asking a girl out were me walking up to a random cute girl on college campus and asking them, "Hey, would you like to go out with me?" Can you imagine? These were my first experiences asking women out. I was so sincere that I was willing to die for these women.. so I was annihilated inside by their reactions. They've laugh at me, smirked at me, giggled with their friends and left me in the dust.. and each of their expressions is forever stamped into my mind. This hurt is the worst. I was baring my heart to these girls and they sawed straight through it in a single cold hearted swipe! This was obviously not working the way I had imagined so it was time to figure things out.

I began to read dating books, and advise sites on approaching/dating women. After a while I could fully grasp my mistakes but I wasn't happy with the way women were portrayed in the books. It made them seem like tools that I had to trick. Well, with a new perspective I began watching women and I realized that I just didn't have a feel for random conversation so approaching random girls was going to be out of the picture. Now that I knew I couldn't approach random girls I would have to go for meeting girls in a common interest group. So I picked a club that I'd be interested in, Japanese club since I had taken a few Japanese language classes in high school. Well I found out pretty fast that there weren't any girls that I was interested in there. So I realized more thought would have to go into this. I then began looking for a coed sport like activity so that I would be able to give myself a better chance of meeting the kind of girl I wanted and I came up with gymnastics and dance being my two top choices for obvious reasons Wink. Though I had some bad luck actually running into girls my age at the gymnastics place I found that I really enjoyed it and have stuck with it. Too bad as of today I've yet to find anyone my age who isn't already with someone through these classes but I am still having a great time socializing and working out. So what did I do next?

Well all during this I was also rolling through online dating sites practicing and working on my typing skills. I couldn't ever get a cute woman to respond to me by sending her a message but every once in a while I would have a cute one contact me. Apparently cute woman are being flooded with messages, over 20 a day easy if she is actually cute. So getting a message through to one of them is unbelievably unlikely. But with these infrequent occurrences I would try talking to them and getting to know them on the site. After a I gained a bit of experience I learned when to push a relationship online to texting, later phone calls, and onto simple dates. Lol when I was first starting to text I was so bad at it. I would take forever just to type a single sentence because I over thought the entire process. I was generally sending essays at first. I'm so glad I figured this bit out, it will come with experience. I have wrecked countless times, and each time I was 120% sincere trying to make the relation work. So needless to say I died inside many many times, felt vast amounts of anxiety, but I have always stood straight, squared my shoulders, and kept trying.

Online dating in my grand experience is severely limited if you are looking for an above average looking woman. The way they get attention on the site ruins your chances. There is a better way though. Eventually I began to realize that my best chances of hooking up with people is to simply make friends and hang out with them. I began to take my friendly acquaintances and invite them out to simple things like lunch after class and before long I was being invited to their get togethers. Meeting all these new people and going through the motions introducing myself and finding interesting things to say and such has become such a useful social skill. As I gain experience I'm finding myself able to start up a conversation with strangers and my personality has began to become more bright. Before I'd had to warm up to someone in order to make small talk and such. Now I'm able to make jokes and feel out strangers in a new way.

I've begun going to parties, and am certain that within time I will finally land myself my first girlfriend. I will give her all my heart and will continue to exercise and eat healthy for her, because she is worth it. If that woman decides to leave me then I will find another. Even if a woman burns my heart I will not have any ill will towards her. I will thank her for the happiness I felt while together and I will move on. One day I hope to find a woman who may put up with me and I will love her forever. That is simply who I am, and I am sure that I will reach this goal. I will not give up no matter what!

*To those men and women out there who are wishing with all their heart that they could be given a single chance at love, I recommend that you follow my example. If you are truly sincere then work on improving yourself until you drop dead if that is what it takes. Don't give up no matter what! Pour your frustration into exercising and eating healthy, modify your wardrobe, and gain experience socializing with people that you meet at common interest events. It will all pay off when you find that special someone someday.
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First Helper User Profile Loysius
Users who thank Loysius for this post: Woody_Duong 

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replied July 22nd, 2012
Very well said. I, too, have had no success in my love life and I've recently figure out my problem after an unsuccessful attempt to woo a crush. But from this fall, I've decided to reinvent myself in the way you are talking about: I've started going to the gym again, change my dressing style, and go out my comfort zone and actually try to speak to women again. And from looking good, I feel good and am 10x more confident than I was a few months ago. I still have to fake my confidence sometimes but I plan to fake it til I make it. I am confident that I will make it. For anyone who thinks it's impossible, stop that negative train of thought. Force yourself to change and find your happiness. We all can make it!
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replied October 9th, 2012
As a bright and very sincere woman I suggest you start with putting your shirt on and then putting up your picture. Women do not like to see these kinds of pictures of guys.
Although I am an older woman (proud)...I can say in all honesty, that a woman or girl will be turned off immediately by your picture. Put your shirt back on.
Hope this helps!! Wink
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