Medical Questions > Conditions and Diseases > HIV and AIDS Forum

feeling suicidal...i need some advice or good words

im really depressed and just cant imagine what i would do if im HIV positive. im pretty sure i am, i have had 1 or 2 signs that has scared me several years ago but recently i have had diarrhea that just wont go away and night sweats. i just cant imagine what i would do because i have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now and i have a 3 year old son turning 4 this year with another woman who has a newborn with her new boyfriend. this means if i am HIV positive i have alot on my plate. i pray to god and i just have been asking him to look over me as much as he can....my family is all i think about. i am the backbone of a family that moved from LA to NY. just my mothers side because my father was killed when i was born and i have never spoken to any of his side of the family in the 25 years i have been alive. my family is small and we kind of all depend on one another, my grandma caught cancer not too long ago which devestated my whole family. she is a strong woman and i love her so much. the only family i have ever known are my mother, her 2 brothers (my uncles), and her parents (my grandparents). me growing up without a father was so confusing and hard and i grew too quickly. im kind of my families backbone because i tend to make things better at all these hard times we have been having lately. if i test HIV positive , i dont think i will live much longer as it is with medication or not because it has been so long since my first symptom. i just never got checked because nothing got any worse until now. non stop diarrhea, an unexplained headache for a week, tongue sores, tiredness.....like its all hitting me. i have been having suicidal thoughts lately because i believe it would be better to just go rather than put this stress on my family and have them watch me suffer. i honestly dont think i would ever have the heart to kill myself, but im starting to cry writing this and dont know what to do at this point, i have a scheduled appt in a few days to get tested and really dont know what im going to do if im positive. can someone please talk to me?
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replied April 2nd, 2013
just an update......i went and got an HIV test today. it was the 20 minute finger poke. not exactly sure of the name. but it came back negative.....can i trust these results?
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replied April 2nd, 2013
just an update......i went and got an HIV test today. it was the 20 minute finger poke. not exactly sure of the name. but it came back negative.....can i trust these results?
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replied April 10th, 2013
thanks. indeed it is, and i went and got blood drawn last week to test for several things including HIV 1 and 2. I guess time will tell now, thanks for the response tho....hope youre doing well. take care
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