I have been in relationship with this man for 7 years. I have two boys from my previous marriage and he has 2 girls. He has had issues with his ex wife and his girls ever since he met be because They believe I ended their marriage.

We got engaged in 2009 and bought a house big enough to all of us so that they can have room when they visit. The older daughter never came and hates me. the youngest one came to our house for a until last september. His Ex and girls live about an hour away from where we bought a house. We have had problems in our relationship becasue of his ex.

long story short, he decided to move out of the house and move in an apartment in cranford to mend the relationship with his daughters. he wanted me to pay him his half of the money or sell the house. I borrowed money and paid him and he left last september. I was so upset and bitter and heart broken.
After he left, he tried to work on our relationship and says he will move in eventually after he fixes his relationship with his daughters. It has been 8 month now and we see each other every other weekend and some week days.

We used to fight a lot before and everytime he would just walk out. I always felt abandoned by him. Now he just leaves and goes to his apartment. I feel so hurt by that and I feel so used by him but I can't get over him. If he thinks I am mad about something, he just walks out and drives to his apartment. I continue to feel abandoned over and over again. I become firm with him and tell him that he can't do this to me all the time and then I feel week and lonely and give in to him. I am a independent women with a great job and awsome career. Why am I like that. why can't I let go of him? There are many men who are attacted to me but I just don't want to try. I don't know what to do. He did that to me last night. I feel like texting him and telling me how hurt i am but i have done this over and over again and he keeps abandoning me
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replied April 23rd, 2013
Community Volunteer
Hi babyava....You can't because you love him...But, you must understand that he also loves his daughters...They were there before you were...He is torn between you and them...I am sure his ex-wife is making this worse, but she too may feel abandoned..

In order to make this work you will have to accept it as it is until he is able to feel that he can come to live with you....He doesn't want to hurt you, but with their being young and not understanding this divorce, he must feel that this is the only way that he can go to live with himself....

Who knows along the way you may find someone else who steals your heart...

Being a woman head over heels in love with a man for many years I know where you are...I send you my love and best wishes....

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replied April 24th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy

He is a rabbit person and the instinct to run and hide when threatened is very strong in him; in truth he probably is not a mature and well-adjusted person.

You have to face the fact he isn't going to change and you aren't going to change him.

There isn't a middle way for you; you simply have to accept him as he is or kick him out of your life because you will never stop him running away if the going gets tough or an issue needs thrashing out.
There is no earthly point in complaining about it as it will accomplish nothing except increase feelings of anger and frustration and make the little you do have infinitely worse.

Your love for this man should not prevent you from making decisions to benefit you - probably half of divorces and other separations are couples who still love each other but have found it impossible to continue living together and have found the strength to part.

You too must find the strength to accept and continue or to part completely. Things are becoming unendurable as they are and complaining will achieve nothing.

No middle way!

Good luck!
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