Feeling Numb Or Desensitized | Bipolar Disorder Forum

replied September 2nd, 2008

ever since taking depakote i feel the same way - im very much in a "f it" mood. this is the first time ive taken any BP meds and in some way its really altered my lows and highs - only my "median" is very.....calm and almost submissive. i am not sure if anyone feels like this.

|

Did you find this post helpful?

mixedupprincess

replied April 30th, 2011

yes very much do depakote makes me very level with my emotions no highs no lows just existing

|

Did you find this post helpful?

NightStar

replied September 3rd, 2008

Experienced User

I don't feel up or down about any thing any more, I have been on Geodone for three years now.. I have been on other medications and they all did the same thing they made me feel numb to emotion.

|

Did you find this post helpful?

antigone

replied September 3rd, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I think the medication numb you and dull your ability to feel emotions. You feel them but the sensation is dulled. Being over medicated can leave a person feeling little emotion. Perhaps letting your doctor know this will bring about a medication change and you will feel more. So sorry you are having a difficult time.

|

Did you find this post helpful?

puzzld

replied September 3rd, 2008

Supporter

thanks for sharing everyone. i think i will talk to my doc about it. i can def relate to solamala... i am in "f it" mode, too. the only things that get me going is not wanting to have bipolar and not being able to have a child now. i was infertile.

|

Did you find this post helpful?

SpiritualStuffing

replied September 8th, 2008

puzzld,

That is very sad about not being able to have children.
It must be heartbreaking, since you always expected to have children one day.

I canât imagine how difficult it must be to have to reshape you life expectations in that regard.
Nor can I imagine how hard it is to visualize and plan alternatives that will be even partially as fulfilling.

The disappointment and disillusionment must seem positively crippling at times.

If you donât mind me asking, why were you depressed and anxious 10 years ago?
What caused you PTSD?
Were you on your depression and anxiety meds during your counseling for PTSD?

What are some of your ideas for reshaping your goals?
Does writing about these feelings help you to feel better, even if it is only while your writing?

sun

|

Did you find this post helpful?

puzzld

replied September 11th, 2008

Supporter

sprirituastuffing

SpiritualStuffing wrote:

puzzld,

That is very sad about not being able to have children.
It must be heartbreaking, since you always expected to have children one day.

I canât imagine how difficult it must be to have to reshape you life expectations in that regard.
Nor can I imagine how hard it is to visualize and plan alternatives that will be even partially as fulfilling.

The disappointment and disillusionment must seem positively crippling at times.

If you donât mind me asking, why were you depressed and anxious 10 years ago?
What caused you PTSD?
Were you on your depression and anxiety meds during your counseling for PTSD?

What are some of your ideas for reshaping your goals?
Does writing about these feelings help you to feel better, even if it is only while your writing?

sun

i am still extremely heartbroken over the fact that i probably wont be able to have children naturally. one minute i was picking out baby names and the next minute i found out i was infertile and bp. i still blame myself because i didn't go to the dr. sooner.

as far as being depressed and anxious 10 years ago... i don't know why. i don't think there was a reason other than, in retrospect, i was bp then and just didn't know it.

i have PTSD due to an extremely abusive relationship from the age of 15 until 19. i was on meds during this time to treat PTSD, depression and anxiety.

reshaping my goals. well, first i have to find a way to accept my situation and find a place to put it. i just haven't worked through it yet. it's so painful. my husband and i plan to adopt one day. it is possible to go the surrogate route too. but before we do any of that i will try to come off bp meds again and try to conceive naturally. i might have to do invetro for that because of the condition of my tubes. i hate bp because i have to take these meds to function. my husband and i feel strongly about not compromising the safety of a fetus in any way. i'm so afraid that if i don't try to come off the meds and have a baby that i will never forgive myself. i just keep telling myself that god has a plan for me and i have to accept and trust in that. and, things could always be worse. but, i am still sad and bitter about it.

i found out the other day that i have to have surgery again due to my endometriosis. the awful pain is already back. my last surgery was less than a year ago. so that makes 3 surgeries in less than one year from endo. mine is in the advanced stages and there is no cure, only treatment.

writing has always been a part of my life. it is very therapudic for me. thanks for taking interest in my story. i feel better when i can talk about it.

|

Did you find this post helpful?

SpiritualStuffing

replied September 12th, 2008

Re: sprirituastuffing

puzzld wrote:

i am still extremely heartbroken over the fact that i probably wont be able to have children naturally. one minute i was picking out baby names and the next minute i found out i was infertile and bp. i still blame myself because i didn't go to the dr. sooner.

as far as being depressed and anxious 10 years ago... i don't know why. i don't think there was a reason other than, in retrospect, i was bp then and just didn't know it.

i have PTSD due to an extremely abusive relationship from the age of 15 until 19. i was on meds during this time to treat PTSD, depression and anxiety.

reshaping my goals. well, first i have to find a way to accept my situation and find a place to put it. i just haven't worked through it yet. it's so painful. my husband and i plan to adopt one day. it is possible to go the surrogate route too. but before we do any of that i will try to come off bp meds again and try to conceive naturally. i might have to do invetro for that because of the condition of my tubes. i hate bp because i have to take these meds to function. my husband and i feel strongly about not compromising the safety of a fetus in any way. i'm so afraid that if i don't try to come off the meds and have a baby that i will never forgive myself. i just keep telling myself that god has a plan for me and i have to accept and trust in that. and, things could always be worse. but, i am still sad and bitter about it.

i found out the other day that i have to have surgery again due to my endometriosis. the awful pain is already back. my last surgery was less than a year ago. so that makes 3 surgeries in less than one year from endo. mine is in the advanced stages and there is no cure, only treatment.

writing has always been a part of my life. it is very therapudic for me. thanks for taking interest in my story. i feel better when i can talk about it.

puzzld,

That is so painfully unfortunate.
I can hardly imagine the throbbing disappointment prowling in the back of your mind, leaping onto to center stage from time-to-time.
I bet you would just love to shove that cat in a cage.

It seems you would make a fine and conscientious mother.
From what you say about your artistic passions and inspirations, you would probably be very intuitive and sensitive as well.
Any child, whether bourne or adopted, would probably be very fortunate to have you as the lens through which their life come into focus.

Sorry.
Am I being a bit too visionary?
Am I justified in being so optimistic?

Are you a painter or a poet, etc.?
How do your artistic passions spring forth?

If you donât mind me asking, what were some of the names you were thinking of for the baby?
Would you want to use the same names for an adopted child?
Iâm sorry. Iâm just full of questions, ainât I?
You can tell me to mind my own business anytime you want.

That abusive relationship sounds pretty bad, though.
But Iâm sure thatâs pretty personal, so I wonât ask about it.
I do wonder though:
Were you completely off meds between the ages 19 and 23?

rainbow

.

|

Did you find this post helpful?

puzzld

replied September 12th, 2008

Supporter

Re: sprirituastuffing

SpiritualStuffing wrote:

puzzld wrote:

i am still extremely heartbroken over the fact that i probably wont be able to have children naturally. one minute i was picking out baby names and the next minute i found out i was infertile and bp. i still blame myself because i didn't go to the dr. sooner.

as far as being depressed and anxious 10 years ago... i don't know why. i don't think there was a reason other than, in retrospect, i was bp then and just didn't know it.

i have PTSD due to an extremely abusive relationship from the age of 15 until 19. i was on meds during this time to treat PTSD, depression and anxiety.

reshaping my goals. well, first i have to find a way to accept my situation and find a place to put it. i just haven't worked through it yet. it's so painful. my husband and i plan to adopt one day. it is possible to go the surrogate route too. but before we do any of that i will try to come off bp meds again and try to conceive naturally. i might have to do invetro for that because of the condition of my tubes. i hate bp because i have to take these meds to function. my husband and i feel strongly about not compromising the safety of a fetus in any way. i'm so afraid that if i don't try to come off the meds and have a baby that i will never forgive myself. i just keep telling myself that god has a plan for me and i have to accept and trust in that. and, things could always be worse. but, i am still sad and bitter about it.

i found out the other day that i have to have surgery again due to my endometriosis. the awful pain is already back. my last surgery was less than a year ago. so that makes 3 surgeries in less than one year from endo. mine is in the advanced stages and there is no cure, only treatment.

writing has always been a part of my life. it is very therapudic for me. thanks for taking interest in my story. i feel better when i can talk about it.

puzzld,

That is so painfully unfortunate.
I can hardly imagine the throbbing disappointment prowling in the back of your mind, leaping onto to center stage from time-to-time.
I bet you would just love to shove that cat in a cage.

It seems you would make a fine and conscientious mother.
From what you say about your artistic passions and inspirations, you would probably be very intuitive and sensitive as well.
Any child, whether bourne or adopted, would probably be very fortunate to have you as the lens through which their life come into focus.

Sorry.
Am I being a bit too visionary?
Am I justified in being so optimistic?

Are you a painter or a poet, etc.?
How do your artistic passions spring forth?

If you donât mind me asking, what were some of the names you were thinking of for the baby?
Would you want to use the same names for an adopted child?
Iâm sorry. Iâm just full of questions, ainât I?
You can tell me to mind my own business anytime you want.

That abusive relationship sounds pretty bad, though.
But Iâm sure thatâs pretty personal, so I wonât ask about it.
I do wonder though:
Were you completely off meds between the ages 19 and 23?

rainbow

.

yeah... doing my best to shove that cat into a padded cage. lol... you are a visionary and that's a wonderful gift! and, you are a wonderful supporter, too =) i strive every day to be optimistic. hope is all we have... no? i am an artist, poet and visionary. this forum and my craft keep me alive. being able to express myself in every way has always been the norm for me. i would have it no other way. i'm currently a web designer and i am finding it to be both fun and challenging. my creativity springs from deep inside of me. i use what i have emotionally, mentally and my inner void to spring light into the darkness of my world of art. i'm very curious about YOU looking

you have a gift for this sort of thing, ya know?

i will be a great mother... someday. thank you for your kind words sun

cant' get into baby names... too visual for me still.

the abusive relationship was... potentially deadly. i used to believe that i would be murdered by somebody. and that was that. that was my vision of how i would die. this was all after the fact of course and i didn't know why i felt this way until my PTSD diagnosis. and then it all made sense. the fear, hallucinations, paranoia, anxiety, depression, etc. to this day i fear him. his obsession with me... his rage. i was so young and clueless then. my spirit was free before then. but through my own strength i've taken my spirit back... he's not worth that. i have control and the power now. i am stronger for it. so, in some strange way, i don't regret any of it. i never took meds until my PTSD diagnosis many moons ago.

why are you here? can you talk about it?

xoxo puzzld

|

Did you find this post helpful?

SpiritualStuffing

replied September 13th, 2008

Re: sprirituastuffing

puzzld wrote:

yeah... doing my best to shove that cat into a padded cage. lol... you are a visionary and that's a wonderful gift! and, you are a wonderful supporter, too =) i strive every day to be optimistic. hope is all we have... no? i am an artist, poet and visionary. this forum and my craft keep me alive. being able to express myself in every way has always been the norm for me. i would have it no other way. i'm currently a web designer and i am finding it to be both fun and challenging. my creativity springs from deep inside of me. i use what i have emotionally, mentally and my inner void to spring light into the darkness of my world of art. i'm very curious about YOU looking

you have a gift for this sort of thing, ya know?

i will be a great mother... someday. thank you for your kind words sun

cant' get into baby names... too visual for me still.

the abusive relationship was... potentially deadly. i used to believe that i would be murdered by somebody. and that was that. that was my vision of how i would die. this was all after the fact of course and i didn't know why i felt this way until my PTSD diagnosis. and then it all made sense. the fear, hallucinations, paranoia, anxiety, depression, etc. to this day i fear him. his obsession with me... his rage. i was so young and clueless then. my spirit was free before then. but through my own strength i've taken my spirit back... he's not worth that. i have control and the power now. i am stronger for it. so, in some strange way, i don't regret any of it. i never took meds until my PTSD diagnosis many moons ago.

why are you here? can you talk about it?

xoxo puzzld

I found a cat with a wounded front leg.
It had to be amputated.
The cat didnât trust anyone (including me) and remained very remote and wary for a very, very long time.
The only time I saw her was when she came to eat.
She swiftly hobbled away, vanishing with amazing speed and agility anytime I tried to approach her.
She would disappear for days and I thought she got pinched by hawks in the grove or hit by a car.
Then sheâd pop out of nowhere and I discovered sheâd been hiding high all along behind books in the library or among the paintings in the parlor.
For long hours she would perch herself on the terrace of the atrium and espy me through twinkling lanterns and chandeliers.
She would appear out of nowhere, pausing as if in a pose.
Then, plopping down, she would study me from 10 feet away, just sitting there blinking and purring.
She would never let me approach her, but if I was still, she would come to me.
Long story short, she now hunts in the fields, streaks high up into trees and sleeps at my head at night, purring in my ear.

Paintings, prose and poetry are objective manifestations of the astronomy in our souls.
I would love to see some of yours.
Have you ever conjured images of your bout with PTSD?
Are there walk-lights in the labyrinth of depression?
Do the streets glint with precipitation?
Are there whistling wisps of cold rain or hot dust on the mountaintop of mania?
Is the architecture, farmlands, mountains or forests uniform, diverse or erratic?

What effects do your meds have on your visions and creative energies?

Remember, âThe light at the end of the tunnel might be you.â

rainbow

.

|

Did you find this post helpful?

puzzld

replied September 14th, 2008

Supporter

[/quote]

I found a cat with a wounded front leg.
It had to be amputated.
The cat didnât trust anyone (including me) and remained very remote and wary for a very, very long time.
The only time I saw her was when she came to eat.
She swiftly hobbled away, vanishing with amazing speed and agility anytime I tried to approach her.
She would disappear for days and I thought she got pinched by hawks in the grove or hit by a car.
Then sheâd pop out of nowhere and I discovered sheâd been hiding high all along behind books in the library or among the paintings in the parlor.
For long hours she would perch herself on the terrace of the atrium and espy me through twinkling lanterns and chandeliers.
She would appear out of nowhere, pausing as if in a pose.
Then, plopping down, she would study me from 10 feet away, just sitting there blinking and purring.
She would never let me approach her, but if I was still, she would come to me.
Long story short, she now hunts in the fields, streaks high up into trees and sleeps at my head at night, purring in my ear.

Paintings, prose and poetry are objective manifestations of the astronomy in our souls.
I would love to see some of yours.
Have you ever conjured images of your bout with PTSD?
Are there walk-lights in the labyrinth of depression?
Do the streets glint with precipitation?
Are there whistling wisps of cold rain or hot dust on the mountaintop of mania?
Is the architecture, farmlands, mountains or forests uniform, diverse or erratic?

What effects do your meds have on your visions and creative energies?

Remember, âThe light at the end of the tunnel might be you.â

rainbow

.[/quote]

i go with my gut. my ideas jumble together in a dark yet bright symphony. i let my instincts run amuck as i do what i do. i don't force it. i don't analyse my hand when i create something. it's only after the party when i allow myself the reward of visual candy and intellectual interpretation. does this make sense? i am my art and my art is me. to the senses, i am raw and sweaty, bitter yet sweet. perhaps i am the light at the end of my tunnel.

i don't fixate on my meds and how they affect my art. that is a slippery slope that i find to be unproductive. i can convince myself to go either way. do the meds hurt my creativity or are they a quiet aid in my creative endeavors. either way it doesn't matter. i am what i am, day by day. i change and i grow. backwards... forwards... up and down. one day i'm in a box and another a circle. somedays i'm neither.

btw... you didn't answer my questions. i wonder why. i know that you are intelligent and kind. seriously, are you in pain? just let me know if i am getting too personal. i understand if you would rather not say anything. i wonder if i know you. i feel like i do for some odd reason. i find it strange yet fun. like we're playing a game of cat and mouse. ha. puzzld

|

Did you find this post helpful?

SpiritualStuffing

replied September 16th, 2008

puzzld wrote:

i go with my gut. my ideas jumble together in a dark yet bright symphony. i let my instincts run amuck as i do what i do. i don't force it. i don't analyse my hand when i create something. it's only after the party when i allow myself the reward of visual candy and intellectual interpretation. does this make sense? i am my art and my art is me. to the senses, i am raw and sweaty, bitter yet sweet. perhaps i am the light at the end of my tunnel.

i don't fixate on my meds and how they affect my art. that is a slippery slope that i find to be unproductive. i can convince myself to go either way. do the meds hurt my creativity or are they a quiet aid in my creative endeavors. either way it doesn't matter. i am what i am, day by day. i change and i grow. backwards... forwards... up and down. one day i'm in a box and another a circle. somedays i'm neither.

btw... you didn't answer my questions. i wonder why. i know that you are intelligent and kind. seriously, are you in pain? just let me know if i am getting too personal. i understand if you would rather not say anything. i wonder if i know you. i feel like i do for some odd reason. i find it strange yet fun. like we're playing a game of cat and mouse. ha. puzzld

Sorry, puzzld,
I donât mean to play cat and mouse.
No, I am not in pain.
The truth is embarrassingly ordinary, lackluster and mundane â the very antithesis of inspiration.
I just want to understand the thought processes and disabling spiritual and emotional energy that hijacks hope and initiative.

Yes, you do make sense, and I sense muffled surges of hope start toward the door like an inmate hearing the clanking keys of a jailer approaching.
âWill he unlatch the bars of my plight?â

Can I see some of your âvisual candy?â
Will you take a single element of your âdark yet bright symphonyâ and craft it into an image that symbolizes a single strand of your internal dialog?
That is, will you describe one element of your instinct?

I am not asking that you âforceâ your inner angels (or demons,) but it does take a little discipline to capture them for display.
I have a notion that if folks suffering from mood disorders can conjure tangible renditions of what stirs in their minds and souls, the renditions will foster understanding on one hand, while providing therapeutic insight on the other.
If such endeavors can be acknowledged as a form of healing, then maybe folks can be persuaded to adopt such practices.
Ultimately, the healing insight and first-hand experience can inspire others who suffer as well.
Does that make any sense?
Are you or can you be the light at the end of anyone elseâs tunnel?

p.s. I doubt if we know each other prior to this.

sun

.

|

Did you find this post helpful?

puzzld

replied September 16th, 2008

Supporter

SpiritualStuffing wrote:

Sorry, puzzld,
I donât mean to play cat and mouse.
No, I am not in pain.
The truth is embarrassingly ordinary, lackluster and mundane â the very antithesis of inspiration.
I just want to understand the thought processes and disabling spiritual and emotional energy that hijacks hope and initiative.

Yes, you do make sense, and I sense muffled surges of hope start toward the door like an inmate hearing the clanking keys of a jailer approaching.
âWill he unlatch the bars of my plight?â

Can I see some of your âvisual candy?â
Will you take a single element of your âdark yet bright symphonyâ and craft it into an image that symbolizes a single strand of your internal dialog?
That is, will you describe one element of your instinct?

I am not asking that you âforceâ your inner angels (or demons,) but it does take a little discipline to capture them for display.
I have a notion that if folks suffering from mood disorders can conjure tangible renditions of what stirs in their minds and souls, the renditions will foster understanding on one hand, while providing therapeutic insight on the other.
If such endeavors can be acknowledged as a form of healing, then maybe folks can be persuaded to adopt such practices.
Ultimately, the healing insight and first-hand experience can inspire others who suffer as well.
Does that make any sense?
Are you or can you be the light at the end of anyone elseâs tunnel?

p.s. I doubt if we know each other prior to this.

sun

.

you're senses are correct. but i'm only in a jail if i believe that i am. i like the analogy though.

the capsule of my ideas is me. my profile pic is one of my pieces. it's a self-portrait. it's a collage xerox transfer on metal. it's 1 of a series of 8. i do mixed media work. or i did. i miss doing that type of art.

my job is very creative so i'm zapped when i get home. my job is very important to me. i love what i do. i'm blessed in many ways. Cool

but sometimes i miss the luxury of doing fine are, if you will. i actually believe that graphic design is or will be a fine art. some people beg to differ. in reality, they are different in some ways. like i have restrictions when i create at work. won't get into that... yawn.

i am desensitized. i'm also a walking contradiction. i hope to never revisit the hell hole of my mind. the only way i would stop the meds is if i didn't have to work. then i could do art therapy. nurse

i understand how you feel.

|

Did you find this post helpful?

SpiritualStuffing

replied September 19th, 2008

puzzld wrote:

you're senses are correct. but i'm only in a jail if i believe that i am. i like the analogy though.

the capsule of my ideas is me. my profile pic is one of my pieces. it's a self-portrait. it's a collage xerox transfer on metal. it's 1 of a series of 8. i do mixed media work. or i did. i miss doing that type of art.

my job is very creative so i'm zapped when i get home. my job is very important to me. i love what i do. i'm blessed in many ways. Cool

but sometimes i miss the luxury of doing fine are, if you will. i actually believe that graphic design is or will be a fine art. some people beg to differ. in reality, they are different in some ways. like i have restrictions when i create at work. won't get into that... yawn.

i am desensitized. i'm also a walking contradiction. i hope to never revisit the hell hole of my mind. the only way i would stop the meds is if i didn't have to work. then i could do art therapy. nurse

i understand how you feel.

Very cool. tiphat

I suspected your avatar is a self portrait.
Very interesting and speaking.
It seems mystic, incisive and allure.
External, arbitrary, arrestingâ¦revealingâ¦ looking

But before I say more about it, what does the portrait mean to you?
Iâd love to examine the other seven too.

Being desensitized sounds remote.
I wish I could throw you a line.
Can you measure and/or describe the distance?
Is it like emotional or spiritual callous?
What feels inspiring or piercing to you?

Iâm glad you understand.
Itâs good to know Iâm making sense.
I hope Iâm still making sense.

sun

|

Did you find this post helpful?

Seraph

replied September 19th, 2008

Experienced User

eH...Which is worst

I know what you mean...

I don't know which one is worste....being on a roller-coaster or being stuck in traffic ... if you know what I mean Wink

I hate it when you start something new and you are all excited about it and then all of a sudden ... dun dun dun dun ... flat-line... and you feel like "Yeah whateva"...

Hang in there...you are not alone

|

Did you find this post helpful?

puzzld

replied September 19th, 2008

Supporter

hey seraph! glad to hear from you =) thanks for the support!

i know exactly what you mean.

my roller-coaster is extremely grim, while being stuck in traffic seems like a fantasy world. it feels unnatural to feel so... even. if it were not for the depression side of life i would not take bp meds. but it's hard for me to realize my manic side. this whole subject is a potential slippery slope for me. i just keep moving forward... on and on i go. but i don't see any glimpse of light shining down on why. i really miss doing my art. puzzld

|

Did you find this post helpful?

puzzld

replied September 19th, 2008

Supporter

SpiritualStuffing wrote:

Very cool. tiphat

I suspected your avatar is a self portrait.
Very interesting and speaking.
It seems mystic, incisive and allure.
External, arbitrary, arrestingâ¦revealingâ¦ looking

But before I say more about it, what does the portrait mean to you?
Iâd love to examine the other seven too.

Being desensitized sounds remote.
I wish I could throw you a line.
Can you measure and/or describe the distance?
Is it like emotional or spiritual callous?
What feels inspiring or piercing to you?

Iâm glad you understand.
Itâs good to know Iâm making sense.
I hope Iâm still making sense.

sun

the portrait means so many things! it's an endless flow if images and meaning. that is what my art is about. thank you for your kind and intriguing words about my portrait =) i have some more on my myspace page. you can get url for my profile on my ehealth profile.

remote is a wonderful word to describe how i feel! sometimes i'm unsure of how i feel. i know that sounds strange but ohfwell. i do feel more grounded which is essential for me. i do feel inspired at work... thank god. it's almost as if there is no spiritual and emotional distance. does that make sense?

the little things inspire me. the big things inspire me. the rest is mud. but it's there somewhere. but then, i think that EVERYTHING is big and note worthy. oh the contradictions!

what type of art do you do? puzzld

|

Did you find this post helpful?

Seraph

replied September 22nd, 2008

Experienced User

Nice to be heard from Wink

At a level, I can definately relate. I used to play a lot on my electronic keyboard or even piano to express my self and get my emotions out. Now that I am wearing wrist braces on a permanent basis for osteoarthritis in both my wrists...it's not much of an option any more.

I can't play with them on, because they limit my range of motion...and if I play with them off, apart from the fact that I am wearing down my joints, after fifteen to thirty minutes, it hurts like...

Taking my meds, is more of a family pressure situatioin... They can tell, if I didn't take them and get angry if I don't. Sometimes I prefer to not have to take them...just to get back in touch with who I really am...

At the end, it's a matter of compromise....it all depends on wether the gains is worth the losses...

|

Did you find this post helpful?

SpiritualStuffing

replied September 22nd, 2008

puzzld wrote:

SpiritualStuffing wrote:

Very cool. tiphat

I suspected your avatar is a self portrait.
Very interesting and speaking.
It seems mystic, incisive and allure.
External, arbitrary, arrestingâ¦revealingâ¦ looking

But before I say more about it, what does the portrait mean to you?
Iâd love to examine the other seven too.

Being desensitized sounds remote.
I wish I could throw you a line.
Can you measure and/or describe the distance?
Is it like emotional or spiritual callous?
What feels inspiring or piercing to you?

Iâm glad you understand.
Itâs good to know Iâm making sense.
I hope Iâm still making sense.

sun

the portrait means so many things! it's an endless flow if images and meaning. that is what my art is about. thank you for your kind and intriguing words about my portrait =) i have some more on my myspace page. you can get url for my profile on my ehealth profile.

remote is a wonderful word to describe how i feel! sometimes i'm unsure of how i feel. i know that sounds strange but ohfwell. i do feel more grounded which is essential for me. i do feel inspired at work... thank god. it's almost as if there is no spiritual and emotional distance. does that make sense?

the little things inspire me. the big things inspire me. the rest is mud. but it's there somewhere. but then, i think that EVERYTHING is big and note worthy. oh the contradictions!

what type of art do you do? puzzld

Is everything measured by extremes, i.e. streaking or stalled, excitement or apathy?
Can we use middle ground language in our internal dialog, i.e. the things we tell ourselves?

The notion that âthere is no spiritual and emotional distanceâ makes a lot of sense to me.
I believe that spiritual and emotional interests and passions have no boundaries.
Neither do they have any limits.
I think we can bridge any chasm using spiritual and emotional energies and the building blocks of language.

What will the bridge look like: a suspension bridge, a rainbow? rainbow

What materials will be used?
As it spans from dark to light, will the gulf itself transition from a âmuddyâ abyss to a stream that flourishes with life?
What will the view be like from the middle of the bridge; lofty, calm, breezy, bright?
How much of the view is breathtaking or ânoteworthy?â
How much will we see?

Are we in control of the words we use to define and shape our vision?
Can we sculpt our freedom and enlightenment in the museum of our soul? sun