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Feel like no one understands

I am a nice person and try my best to do right and help others. But it's like i always get lied to, used for money and people think its ok to talk to me any which way and when I speak my mind im the "bad person" when I was working i use to help my friends and family but now that im out of a job those same people I helped could care less about me. Someone even went as far to call me a dumb broke b*tch. He wanted to go out with me and I told him from the beginning i was out of a job and he seemed okay with it but then when he started thinking he can talk to me however he got upset when i told him off and told me im ugly and i will never have no friends or boyfriend because im dumb and broke. I am depressed as it is and that made even worse, i feel so stuck and its like no one cares to talk to me and the ones that do talk to me say im probably lying about depression or its all in my head. I don't know what to do i feel as if i have lost many friendships and even relationships due to depression.
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replied February 16th, 2014
Experienced User
Ellie, you don't sound like a bad person at all to me. Actually you sound like a great person. You sound like you're a really nice person who has respect for herself. You have a lot to be proud of about yourself.
It's not ok for people to talk to you however they want. And I think the fact that you're standing up for yourself (especially against that guy you were dating) is awesome.
Having a job or not isn't what defines you. Not having a job doesn't make you a bad person (it's certainly not the case that just having a job makes someone a *good* person, so why should the opposite be true?).
It's horrible that you're always getting lied to and used for money. People should be happy just to be spending time with you - not because you can do something for them, and it's wrong that they'd treat you poorly (and especially that they'd insult you) just because you can't help them anymore. If they're going to treat you that way, they probably didn't deserve your help in the first place, and they should be glad that you're as nice as you are to have helped them out.

I'm a guy, and let me tell you something about most guys. Most guys are jerks just looking for sex. Or they want something else. Most guys don't want to value a woman just for who she is. There are some who do, and they're pretty special. But that guy you were dating isn't one of them.
And I can *promise* you this: no guy dates a girl he thinks is ugly. Ever. Period. End of story. If he wanted to go out with you in the first place, then he thought you were good-looking. If you told him you didn't have a job and he said he didn't care, then he really thought you were good-looking. Even if his reasons for wanting to go out with you were bad (and judging by how he treated you after you told him off, they were) he still found you attractive. He was lying when he told you that you're ugly and won't have any friends or a boyfriend because you're dumb and broke. He was just trying to hurt you because you wouldn't let him treat you like you're worthless. Ellie, you're not worthless at all.
Good guys won't care if you don't have a job. I mean they really won't care, they won't just say they don't care. They'll see that you're a good person. They won't care that you don't have a job.
And you certainly don't sound dumb to me. In fact, you actually sound pretty smart since you didn't let that guy take advantage of you. Most women/girls I know stay with jerk guys all the time because they aren't smart enough (or courageous enough) to tell the guy to take a hike. And if he wanted to date you in the first place (even if he had bad motives) he thought you were attractive. Trust me on that last one.
So you're a nice person, you're smart, and you're attractive. Most people are lucky to have even two of those traits, but you've got all three.
Please don't let that mean guy make you feel more depressed. You don't deserve that at all.
As for people saying you're lying about depression or that it's all in your head, a lot of people don't understand depression. First off, of course it's in your head. It's not a physical injury like someone hit you. The bruises that it brings don't show. But that doesn't mean they aren't there. The only people who think a mental injury isn't real are the ones who either have never had one, or refuse to admit to themselves that they have one. I've been depressed before, and there's nothing fake about it. Second, why do they think you're lying about depression? And who exactly says you're lying about it? If you'll forgive me, I'm going to make a bit of a guess here: I think a lot of girls who are accused of lying about depression are the girls who seem to have great lives going for them and/or are beautiful. What good-looking person could ever be depressed, right? Maybe they think you're lying about being depressed because you're a beautiful woman, so you couldn't possibly be depressed. I don't know who is saying you're lying, or why they're saying you're lying, but that could be why.
I've been depressed before, and only true friends will stick by you when you're in a bad spot and want to talk about it. Of all my friends, I can say with absolute certainty that there is only one guy who would never ditch me because I was depressed or anything else. Only one. True friends are very hard to find. Please don't think that it's your fault your friends are leaving you because you're depressed. It's not your fault. If they were real, true friends, they'd help you through it. Not leave you because of it.
Most friends, I think, are friends only so long as it's not terribly inconvenient for them. They want to say "hi, how's it going" but they don't want to hear "not so well. Can you talk to me?" Only true friends are willing to say "Absolutely. Let's talk" over and over again.
Ellie, you're not dumb, you're smart. You might not have a job right now, but you're still way cooler than plenty of people who do have jobs. And you're definitely not ugly. You're beautiful. God made you that way, and don't let anyone make you believe otherwise.
I know from experience that depression doesn't just go away overnight, but I hope that my post will make you feel at least a little better. I re-read my message before I posted it, and I believe in every word I've written here. And one other thing I wanted to say: there's nothing wrong with wanting to speak your mind. That does not make you a bad person. People saying you should just keep your feelings to yourself are wrong. Don't let the fact that they aren't willing to listen make you think there's something wrong with you wanting to talk.
God loves you, Ellie. He made you an awesome person, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you ever want to speak your mind (even right now) you can do it right here Smile
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