I have been single almost my whole adult life. Have had two relationships in my whole life. One when I was 19 and it lasted only 8 months because the girl I was with freak me out badly (she was trying to get pregnant so we could buy a house and settle down immediately)
Other one was two and half year. Left her because she was super controlling (which get really tough when you are gone half of time due to work)

I have had some dates here and there but it is incredibly rare.

I'm decent looking for someone who doesn't really put much importance into his appearance. Am in very good shape from everything I do. Have a good career and am always busy doing things. Only thing is, I'm deaf.

It really suck! I've lived in my area for 8 years. Yet barely know anybody despite of being part of few circles.
It seems like people do everything to keep distance from me like plague.
I don't want to brag but... I just want to make it known that I'm not just some dude who show up and do thing only some time and never really get better. I'm someone who literally do it nearly everyday and am skilled in multiple fields and have lot of different training as well. For many of things I belongs to, often people only come to me if no one else can figure something out or do something because they know I can get it done.
Yet it seems like no matter what, no body even want to take time to get known to me.

I have tried everything from just trying to be friendly and say hi, tell someone if they need any help they can always come to me, outright ask someone if they want to do something sometime. No body even really take up on any offer or anything.
In fact I could be at one of meeting for months and not have one person try to talk to me.

It is getting really frustrating. Especially with how many friends I'm losing over time because they all are moving on with they life (getting married, having a family, etc...)
Also I don't like anyone from deaf community so I avoid them.
To make thing harder, my family are getting mad at me because I'm doing risky thing alone more often now due to having no body wanting to do anything with me.

I don't know what to do any more. I'm just getting really down because I feel like I'm not mean to be treated like a normal human or have anyone.
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replied March 15th, 2013
Community Volunteer
Hi Oxy6 and welcome to ehealth: Have you tried offering your free time at a hospital where people volunteer and try to give their help?...These are usually good places to find other people who are also wanting to meet people...There are so many lonely people in this world that it is sad...Then to make it worse you don't know who to trust...

Look into places where you give of yourself...Take care...

Caroline
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replied March 15th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Hello,

I am not sure how you can say you don't like the people in the deaf community - you sound like my wife who says things like that about shoe shops "I don't like any of them" when she hasn't taken the trouble to look around, hasn't seen more than a small percentage of the stock and hadn't tried any for size...

We have neighbours who are deaf. Their children are all hearing. While not having friends queueing they do seem to have a reasonable social life. He is retired now and used to be into pumping iron in a big way and the whole family have always visited the deaf club for the area.
The two of them never learned to talk so they need to rely on writing longhand and signing - something I think should be taught as a universal second language to everyone in schools. Lots of our tv programmes have signed "subtitles".

The UK has had at least one deaf Member of Parliament and a few deaf celebrities of various sorts.

I am not sure why you should feel so isolated - there aren't so many deaf folk around that we trip over them but they are so common a fact of life they aren't treated like monsters either.

The trouble is the deaf are rather intimidating as they know two languages and can converse between themselves and call the rest of us names like Chinese waiters sometimes do.
The deaf around here have no trouble getting around or getting on but personal relationships are more difficult because to have a personal relationship a person must begin expressing personal opinions, often about trivial things at first and asking others what they think as well as sharing experiences. This takes rather longer for a deaf person to do with a hearing person than the hearing person tends to be used to or comfortable with. That almost completely excludes casual acquaintances from the list of possible friends.

In order to make friends with the hearing a deaf person needs to be with them much longer and so this does rather tend to limit the possibilities to colleagues or friends and relatives of existing friends.

Life isn't easy for anyone who has special needs but becoming bitter and isolating yourself certainly isn't going to help.
Maybe people are avoiding you for the same reasons they avoid hearing people - because their opinions are too strong, they lack social graces or their body language is wrong.

Hearing people who spend too much time alone, especially clever people who also tend to over-compensate, often fall into a rut and find they lose friends and can't find a relationship.
I speculate your deafness is not your main handicap and I suggest you go back to basics and ask one of your remaining friends to take a long look at you and give you an honest critique of what they see.

I suspect they will notice you don't smile with your eyes, you don't laugh much, your body language is business-like towards aggressive and so on.

I hope you find this helps you.
Good luck!
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