Medical Questions > Mental Health > Anxiety and Stress Forum

Feel Like I'm Going Crazy From Loneliness.

I'm 20, male, and I have social anxiety so bad that I haven't left my house in 4 years. I have no friends, I've never had a girlfriend or even done anything remotely romantic with one. I've never socialized with other people, I always felt different and stayed away from everyone, every day in school was a living nightmare; now that I'm 20 my body is driving me crazy! I'm SO unbelievably lonely! I have this yearning for human contact every day, like this need to hold somebody in my arms. But I can't even talk to people in real life, I have panic attacks, so I try to find love online, and I've had several girls call me a good guy and even amazing! But they NEVER want to actually date me. It's happened so much that I'm starting to feel like there's something so wrong with me that everyone else can see but I can't. The only thing I want in this world is just someone to be intimate with, someone to make me feel loved and comfortable around, a girlfriend. But I know being the way I am that I can't have that! And it's like I'm torturing myself every day over and over again, all I can think about is being in a relationship. But women don't want a broken guy like me. And it feels like I'm literally going crazy over it. I think about all the happy couples I know online and people I see on TV and it just depresses me to no end and it angers me so much! I start thinking things like :"Why do THEY get to be happy? Why does it look like it's so easy for other people to connect and be around people and it's so impossible for me? Why can't I be happy? What is wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone want me?" I just don't know what to do. Every day is a nightmare I'm forced to live alone. I just want to die. I'm so tried of being alone. I don't want to be alone anymore. Please help me.
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper imwarpedup
|

replied July 6th, 2012
You are not alone
Hey, I'm sorry that nobody has written you sooner. I know how you feel, because I am also afraid of spending time with people on a more personal level. Growing up, I didn't have any friends, until I started partying and doing drugs in high school. To this day (I'm almost 24), I still have trouble feeling like I belong anywhere. When I hang out with people, it just doesn't feel right a lot of times. So you're not alone. There is nothing wrong with you, you are a good person. You just have to overcome your fear, is all. I work hard to battle my mental disorders every day. A lot of it is exposure. For example, I have obsessive compulsive disorder, and part of my disorder involves checking the lock and alarm on my front door; the exposure comes when I force myself not to check the door, and to just go to sleep (when it's night time). I'm not sure if you've ever heard this before, but anxiety is caused by irrational fears- irrational being key word. To me, a lot of times my fears seem rational- til I start picking them apart. For example, I like to check my door over and over because I'm afraid someone is going to break into my apartment and kill me and hurt my daughter. At first glance, it seems highly logical to me. When I pick it apart, I realize that there's no reason for somebody to do that, so why would they? Most of the time, crimes have a motive, but if I haven't given anyone any reason to be mad at me, why should I worry? I also realize that even if I do make someone mad, there's a great chance that they will get over it and forget it. Your first step is to figure out your fears. Figure out WHY you are afraid to have social interactions. Was it something from your childhood? Did you have a bad experience? Or do you simply just not have social interactions because you are afraid of rejection, or afraid of losing them? After you figure out why you feel the way you do, you can try figuring out alternative perspectives on your issue. For example, I participated in a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy group, and the group members are the ones who pointed out the flaw in my fear of someone breaking into my apartment. I was afraid someone could break in through the window, but I'm on the second floor, so it'd be really hard and not worth the effort- especially if they didn't have a motive. As for you never doing anything romantic with anyone, I think it's because you are afraid to let down the walls and let someone in. You also might not even know how to be romantic because you have probably never had a role model that showed you how to be romantic. If you are having trouble figuring out how to be romantic, you could maybe watch some romance movies. Make sure when you are being romantic with someone, it is to from the heart, though. As for the exposure part- what I recommend is finding a nearby church to go to. I don't know if you're a believer or not, but even if you aren't, I think a church is the best place to go if you want exposure. Reason being is that a lot of people who go to church are not judgmental, and welcome you with open arms. I'm not gonna say it won't be weird at first, because it will. But it might help you to realize that you are accepted just as you are, and that there is nothing wrong with you. I also want to share a story with you, something that happened in April of this year:

My atheist friend used to look at followers of Christ as crazy. When they would share their spiritual encounters with him, he would dismiss the stories as crazy (not out loud, of course). He started developing a bit of anxiety some time last year, or earlier this year. It was so severe, he was forgetting everything, and had to carry around notebooks and a voice recorder to keep track of everything. Well one day he felt an urge to take a look at the pocket Bible someone had given him. He opened it up and started reading it, and for some reason he felt peace. When he put the Bible down, the anxiety returned. This went on for a little while, and I believe over a span of days (possibly even weeks)- the peace he felt when reading the Bible, and the return of the negative emotions after he stopped reading it. One day he decided to pray to the God he hadn't believed in. Basically asking if He was real. My friend told me that while he was kneeling by his bed praying, he felt as if Jesus was next to him, praying with him. He freaked out and went downstairs, and said something like, "Ok God, well if you want me to believe you're gonna have to do better than that." Bc, after all, he was a complete atheist, totally against the whole believing in Christ and God thing. When he went back upstairs, he was not alone. The Son of Man was up there, but my friend didn't know that until Jesus came and hugged him. Jesus didn't show Himself to my friend, which makes sense, because it's supposed to be fatal for us to see Him with our eyes. But nonetheless, He was up there with my friend, and after He hugged him, fireworks started shooting above my friends house. He either ran to the window or he ran outside, and that's when he saw them. When my friend got to the hugging part of his story, he started bawling his eyes out. I have never seen him cry before. I knew when he told me his story that he had a true encounter with the Lord.

I want you to know that you are never alone. Despite whether you believe in Christ or not, He is there with you. You don't have to believe in Him for Him to be there with you. Although I believe that if you don't believe now, that you will believe some day. I believe that you have great things to offer the world, and that you will be able to break out of your shell and show the world what you have to offer. I believe that God wants you, and that that's why I'm here right now, is to tell you that. Today was the first day I have ever acted on my desire to find an online forum and help someone. I just typed in "Help, I feel like I am going crazy" into google, and your post caught my eye. I think it was actually the first on the list! And even now while writing this, I know it was meant to happen. You are wanted and loved, even if you feel like you aren't. In fact, even if you don't believe in God or feel like He loves you, you are still loved, because I love you. You are capable of being loved, you are just hurt and broken. But God doesn't choose the wealthy and strong to do His bidding- He chooses the broken and needy. God doesn't call the prepared, He prepares the called. Today I feel like you are being called to Him, I really do. After I write this, I am going to pray for you, that these words reach your heart, and that you become saved. You deserve happiness, and you deserve to be loved, and you also deserve to go to Heaven some day. I want to post the prayer on here for you, in case you ever feel like opening up to the Lord and making Him your Savior and the Master of your life. It might sound a little scary, but it is the total opposite! Here is the prayer:

Dear Jesus, I believe in who You are. I know You died on the cross for my sins, and I know that You rose again on the third day. You are alive Lord, and I surrender to you. Come into my heart now. Change me, and make me new. I pray that in the name of Jesus, Amen.

When you finally pray this some day, whether today, tomorrow, or in three years, do it with your heart. Now, you don't have to do this at all for me to love you. I will love you anyways, and accept you for who you are. My own husband is atheist. All I can do is pray for him, and I really have faith that some day God is going to penetrate his heart the same way He did to my friend I mentioned above. In fact, the friend I mentioned above is actually my husband's best friend! I do not want you to feel forced into a relationship with Christ, and when you finally develop a relationship with Him, I want it to be because you chose to. And please also know that you don't have to choose a Religion, because it's not about what religion you are. Religion divides us. What really matters is your relationship with Christ. I want you to do a few things for me. First, Google "What Love Really Means" by JJ Heller. Read the lyrics, and listen to the song. Second, from the bottom of my heart, I would like for you to go check out my church's website. I used to not trust churches, and thought they were corrupt. I know a lot of them actually are corrupt. But when I gave this church a chance, it changed my life. This is the church the former atheist I mentioned above stumbled upon, and when I first decided to "give the church a chance", I wouldn't even go in person. Now I go there in person every Sunday. This pastor is real, he's what a pastor is supposed to be about. His name is Pastor Craig. On Sunday, go to the website at about 9:15 or 11:00 Eastern Standard Time, click the button that says "Online", and watch the live streaming video of the service. If you don't see this in time, it's ok! Because if you scroll down the page, you can view a video of the service, it just won't be live. The video will always be there, and updates after each service on Sunday, I believe. I recommend you waiting til this Sunday to watch, though, cuz we saw a different pastor this Sunday since Pastor Craig was in Pensacola, opening up a new campus there. The website is upwardchurch.org There is no www in the web address. Now the last thing I want you to do is find out about how you can attend a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy group, so that you can bring your fears to people, and gain different perspectives on things. It helps to hear other people's perspectives. And if you can, also try looking for a group of people who are also Socially Phobic, so you know that you aren't alone, and that there is nothing wrong with you. The only reason you are like this is bc you are afraid, and the fear was triggered by an event or series of events in your life. You don't have to be like this, death is not the only way out. I believe in you, and I know that you can find a way out of this. I will be praying for you, and despite how much you may feel it is impossible for someone who doesn't know you to love you, I want to know that I really, truly love you. And always remember, you are not alone <3
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank imwarpedup for this post: Katy4321 

replied July 9th, 2012
Try to overcome your emotions. You sound like a nice guy and you like everyone else deserves to be love. You will find the love of your life, but you have to overcome some obstacles of your own.

Your anxiety doesn't allow you to come out of your house. You need to get out of your house. Make plans for every day. Like the first day go to a nearby place and hang around. Day by day set yourself goals and become a little more open. Don't listen to your head and fears, listen to your heart. You don't want to be around people because you feel nervous, but you want to be love by people. If you want people to know the great person that you are, you need to talk to them.

Like I mentioned before, make goals and achieve them day by day. Do not let fear keep you away from your happiness. You have one of the greatest things in life which are a good heart and you are alive. You know how many people wish they had that. If you want to become social, you have to fight for it day by day. Goals and dreams are not achieve overnight. Everybody has goals, dreams, wishes. The dreams might be different, but all dreams have something in common they all encounter obstacles. You can do it!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 22nd, 2018
Hi just thought I shoot some helpful tips your way. first is that its easy to sense when a guy is desperate for a girl. I say just take the friendships you are getting from those girls and use to your advantage to possibly introduce you to their friends or just get in practice in communicating with girls. you're new to dating and just being social overall, don't expect to shut yourself from the world and then suddenly land girlfriend right away. make friends, socialize, maybe instead of looking for a relationship just start off by hooking up ( I suggest Tinder). I just think that there are some baby steps that you should take in discovering who you are sexually, socially, and romantically before you get into a serious relationship. Hope this helps!
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Learn how doctors clinically diagnose one of twelve kinds of anxiety disorders...and which doctors you should see for an anxiety diagnosis....
Anxiety disorders can affect anyone. But do you know the common signs and symptoms of anxiety disorders? Learn more now....
Anxiety is a normal, healthy emotion when experienced during specific moments. But do you know the signs that anxiety has gotten out of control? Read more here...