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fearful that I have some disease or serious mental disorder

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Hi people

First of all, a little background. 48 year old male with a history of GAD, Hypochondria, OCD, ADHD, Depression, GERD, Panic Disorder, Tourettes, allergies, neck arthritis, etc. I've had all the scans and test over the years (all have come back normal except the neck arthritis), taken all kinds of different meds and basically have just learned to live with my "extra baggage".

Anyway, prior to just a week ago, I was "flying high", involved in lots of different projects and feeling really good about everything. Then, my Tourettes began acting up and I had "neck jerks really bad for two days in a row. Not good when you already have neck arthritis!.

Anyway, my neck was pretty sore for two days (especially in the mornings) and then I began having horrific nightmares about being in a dungeon, chased by people with knives, psychiatric nurses tying me up and injecting me with all kinds of stuff. The nightmares were very stressful and I began to wonder why it was (almost) the same dream every night and if there was some "deeper" meaning to them.

Then, I laid down to go to sleep one night and kept having very real images in my mind of having a tree fall on me and crush me, a car run over me, being chased by a wild animal, etc and each time I would have a panic attack and feel my heart racing. It was like all these frightening videos playing over and over again in my mind. I only got 3 hours sleep that night and woke up at 3:00AM feeling like I'd just been run over by a train. I was also completely exhausted and run down the entire day.

It was shortly after this that I became extremely hypersensitive (emotionally) and would overreact to almost anything that was said to me, mood swings, etc. If I suggested that someone serve peas with the meat loaf and they decided to serve cooked carrots instead (for example), I would find myself enraged and seething about it for hours because it was as if they were "defying" my wishes or "challenging" me. If my room mate said "goodnight" to me before I got the chance to say goodnight first, I would see it as him "beating me to the punch" and get angry about that. If he happened to talk too long or ask too many questions or talk during TV time I would find myself getting unusually angry and overreacting. If we were playing a game (which we sometimes play) in which one of us picks a word and then we take turns finding other words that rhyme with that word it would become a "tit-for-tat" battle with me instead of just a fun game and of course, I would get angry if I didn't get the last rhyming word in. My room mate is a bit of a trivia buff and likes to quote names (ie; if we are watching TV he might say "oh, that's so and so") and I get very annoyed about that because in my mind he's just trying to "be a show off" or "flaunt his knowledge to impress me".

Anyway, these are just a very few examples of simple, innocent things that normal people wouldn't give a second thought about but I sit there and seethe about them. Another thing I have found myself doing is suddenly remembering some negative event from 20-30 years ago and getting very angry and obsessive over it. It could be something as silly as my brother laughing at me when he was 15 years old or my father lecturing me about something or some person who has long ago died disrespecting me in some way. I don't understand why I have these sudden and vivid bursts of memory that come out of nowhere about things that happened long ago and I focus on them so hard...and get so angry...that it's as if they just happened yesterday.

Because of all these things I have mentioned here, I often become fearful that I am losing my mind or have some disease or serious mental disorder that is making me crazy. I don't even feel like myself (ie; dull pressure in head all the time, brain fog, anxiety, insomnia, etc). Why can't I just be left alone to live my life in peace?.

Thanks so much for listening and providing any insight. Am I alone or am I really going mad?. For a week now it's just been mood swings, irritability, hypersensitive to everything and overreacting.

- JJ
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