I apologize in advance for the length of the message but I am just in need of some opinions and direction. So thank you very much to anyone who reads and responds, I really really appreciate it.

I dated a guy for 1.5 months and he fell in love with me, saying I love you, and I thought it was going great too - just not going as fast as he was moving. I thought nothing of it as it was sweet and felt great to have someone love me again. While having a couple glasses of wine too many one evening he disclosed that he had a criminal history. In the beginning of dating I asked if he had a criminal history and he said no. Come to find out this criminal history put him in prison for a number of years. Needless to say I ended it basically for lying to me and safety reasons.

He continued to call me and text/iMessage and I was responding to help give him some closure/answers as he needed to move on. I would have liked this in my past relationship and so I offered that to him. It was getting annoying that all questions eventually ended up leading back to the same answers I had already given and the questions were all the same. I told him there is nothing more I can say that hasn't already been said. At that point he started to get rude and just plain mean in his texts/iMessages and I messaged him back "do not contact me anymore". I blocked his phone number through my wireless carrier but if you both have iPhones you cannot block iMessages (iPhone to iPhone messages). HUGE DOWNFALL OF THIS iCHAT FEATURE!

It has been over 3 months since I told him to not contact me again and he is continuing to contact me. The phone block expired so I get a couple calls at 2:30 am on a Monday night, iMessages randomly still and who knows if he is following me. I try to watch everything around me but am still afraid he is watching me due to extreme coincidences on my leaving and returning from vacation days and his texts and who knows what he will do. This morning he also found me on a dating website and sent me 3 messages 1) I already found the perfect woman 2) hey 3) I still love you.

Since the message not to contact me he has sent flowers to my work, iMessaged me a lot, called repeatedly, found me on a dating site and could possibly be following me around - ALL WITH NO CONTACT FROM ME! Once I sent "No More Contact" I have never responded and never answered a call.

I feel very unsafe because I don't know what he will do or what he is capable of. I carry pepper spray now and have considered carrying my firearm. I would hate to have to resort to that extreme measure but how else can I protect myself?

I don't know if this is something that is considered stalking or harrassment. Should I be getting a restraining order or perhaps an anti-harrassment order against him? I'm a little at a loss because I am not sure the direction I need to go and all I want is for him to go away and feel safe again but I also don't want to have to contact him to restate the fact that he needs to leave me alone.

Thanks in advance.
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First Helper amg

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replied September 21st, 2012
I think if you tell him to leave you alone he should get the message to leave you alone. If he keeps sending and sending repeatedly and it makes you feel unsafe, you should definitly consider a restraining order. You may need to come in contact with him to make an order, but safety would be my main concern, if I where to feel unsafe.
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replied January 25th, 2013
I'm in a similar situation myself. We were in a relationship for four years and I broke up with him because he was extremely jealous, controlling and wanted to isolate me. The most difficult part was that I still loved him but I couldnt take it anymore. It has now been two years ago and he is doing everything he possibly can to contact me. I'm in loss of words, there's just too much, but to put it simple it has been absolute terror. New phone number, blocked him everywhere, moved away, and he still tries to contact me through common friends month after month year after year. I just want to be left alone. Its terrible how what you thought was the love of your life turns out to be your absolute nightmare. Stalking makes you scared, now with the internet its impossible to hide because it doesnt matter if you leave the country you still feel he will never leave you alone.
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