I need advice.
First, I'd like to say that I don't want to offend anyone but I need advice.
My Bipolar boyfriend left me after one year, in 2007, and then at apprx the same time, left me in 2008. Each time, he had become so agitated, irritable and unreasonable. He actually left while I was at work without a word of warning. Afterward, he called and said a lot of hateful things.

The first time he left, I was baffled. I pursued him in an effort to reconcile. i must say though, I really didn't know what I had done wrong. It was after we got back together that I found out he had a mental illness. I was OK with it though because he had began taking medications to keep him on the straight and narrow.

This time when he left, he left behind a lot of his personal things. I had asked him to come get these things on more than one occasion. He would not. He told me to throw them away. I did! He said he was going to buy all new furniture and everything. I said OK. If that is what you would rather do.

During the first few months, he kept in touch with my daughter. This continued until my daughter realized that her contact with him was affecting me. He is not her father, so I didn't see the connection. However, I never said anything to her about it. She decided that if I were to get over this relationship, she needed to severe the tie, as well. It was difficult for her too because he did act like a father to my children. He was very kind to them and spoke highly of them until such time that his behavior changed. Then he said they were plotting to steal his identity.

It has been 10 months and suddenly he is calling me with this angry attitude about how he wants his things. He says times are hard and his money is short. He actually makes very good money at his job though.

My question.........do I have to worry about him? I don't understand why after all this time, he is asking me for things that he abandoned and stated that he didn't want. He is blaming me again for all the things that are not going right in his life. How I am to blame for his financial situation is beyond me.

Can anyone out there give me any clue as to why he has suddenly dredged up this anger against me again? I really do care about him but I am concerned about the irritability that tends to come out when he comes in contact with me.
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replied February 15th, 2009
Experienced User
Anger again
Kworld,

From what you are describing in the latter part of your of your letter, is that he is not taking his medication or that his medication needs changing.

From what you generally say, he does not sound as if you should have any more to do with him.

I am glad that your daughter has cut ties with him. It would not help your daughter when he is in this phase (sound manic to me) Eventualy he have most likely make your daught.er the centre of his emotional abuse.

And particularly so as he appears not to take his medication.

His anger is all part of the symptoms of Bipolar. He does not have any reason I would think to be angry at you. Another than possibly you throwing out his stuff. He probally does not remember he told you to do this. Or if he does he just does not blame himself, who is the one who wanted his stuff thrown out, but rather someone else ie you.

He would have most likely found something else to bet anyry about with you.

As for you having any need to worry about him, I cannot answer that one.

I could suggest that you hang up the phone when he calls. However I do not know if this would spur him on and create more problems for you.

Do you know of a medical practioner you could visit and explain your story and seek that professionals advice as to 1. Should you just forget about him and 2. How you should handle the current situation.

Oh I am not a medical professional in any way what so ever. So what I say here may well be bad advise and pariculary so in regard to hanging up the phone on him.

All the best,

JennyWren
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replied February 16th, 2009
Anger Again
Jenny,

You stated that you are not a medical Professional. Do you have a loved one or someone close who suffers from Bipolar Disorder? I would like to talk more to you if possible.

Can I PM you?
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replied February 16th, 2009
Experienced User
Friends and Family
Hi again Kworld,

Have a friend or two with Bipolar (one friend deceased and one nephew deceased - we did not know at the time that nephew had Bipolar Disorder - some 15 years ago now - not a happy senario).

I think that my son also has Bipolar Disorder, probally Bipolar II. I have seen him manic and depressed.

He is being treated by a psychartist, but so far the psychartist has mentioned Bipolar Spectrum. And son seems to be going okay, well not a 100% as he is not working.

I believe my son needs one of the mood stablizers. However he is not on one. I think and I cannot disagree with the psychartist - he is a very good one - that he is waiting to see my son in a manic state. Well I think that this is the case.

Going the mood stabilizer path is one that needs some good thinking about.

While he also but me on Seroquel alone when first diagnosed he waited till the psychologist told him that I was manic. Dunno why as another psychartist had already told him he had seen me manic in an private institution (a bit like five star there Smile).

Son has been placed in an institution twice now. But his psychartist did not see him at these times.

Ah..to get back to your question, I also have Bipolar Disorder, Mixed States, which is different from the usual high manic states and the very low depressed states, which occur one at a time, not together like Mixed States.

I am learning a bit about Bipolar on my sixth book now (reading the books), and of course read some of the research and what people say on various internet sites (B.Sc at the age of 43, with all science subjects and this helps). But I still have a long way to go. Started up a website re Mixed Bipolar (yes one of my happy times - took myself off to TAFE (technical college to learn Webdesign and to write HTML and CC)).

Ended up of course fighting with them there about their OH&S. They did not like me telling them the faults Smile. So only did half of the course but that was enough.

But this website needs a bit of fixing. Did it in a hurry like I always do things. But it is not too bad.

In some ways I would think given a good description by a patient or the therapist knowning the relevant questions to ask, it would be in a way easy to diagnose in some cases and with a family member giving input. But not patients have symptoms like the classic ones. And thus some are very difficult to diagnose indeed.

I am still learning about myself and my history, things are keep comming to mind which were obviously what I will call hypermanic things I did.

I don't have a problem if you would like to talk further. Maybe go private at this time. As we would be most likely getting off track and what we say may not be interesting to others.

Oh please excuse the spelling dyslexa does not help nor do the meds I am currently on.

My regards to you,

JennyRobin
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replied October 23rd, 2009
Ex-boyfriend with Bi-Polar
Hi,

I do not know where to start, I actually broke up with my ex-boyfriend who had bi-polar which I did not know at the time. He kept arguing with me for nothing, and if I was not on his level when he was in a good mood he just starts getting irritable and starts blaming me for everything. At one time I thought I was going crazy, I thought that everything I did was wrong, I did not know what I was doing wrong and I did not know how to fix situations. I only found out about his mental health illness when he emailed me a month later after we broke up saying that I gave him a depression and he's been diognised with bipolar which was ALL my fault, and I actually helped this guy with his financial problems he lived with me and only payed rent once in a while when he got money from benefits, he only looked for a job once in a while on the internet always got up late while I tried hard to find a job and do extra stuff here and there to save up, and he had the decency to say it was all my fault and he hated me from the bottom of his heart.

So my advice would be that, your should try and loose contact with this person, change number, I cant tell u to change house but if things get serious u need to start taking actions, I am not sure how far a person with bipolar can go.

Its a sad thing, I care about my ex a lot and still do but I do not know how to help him and everytime I tried he hated me even more.

Miss Anonymous
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replied November 7th, 2009
I was in the same boat as you, stop all communication with him.... If that doesn't help, then get a restraining order. He can become very dangerous and that is the last thing you want.
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