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Emotionally Depressed I wanted to save myself for marriage.

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I'm not sure who I can talk to.

I've never done anything sexual before. I wanted to save myself for marriage. For myself, not for the guy. I also liked being a virgin.

I went a bit too far with an older man. I'm 18 & he is 10 years older than me. He said if I finger you, you will still be a virgin because it itsn't a penis. Stupid me trusted him & let him.

I just don't understand how you can still be a virgin when another man has entered you down there sexually. Everyone does it, so I don't think you are.

I'm just having a really hard time dealing with this. It was 6 months ago. I still have a headache & I cant stop shaking. When it happened I bled too.

I feel so bad in disappointing my parents & I feel like I've ruined my families lives since I can't handle this.

Please help me.

Thank you.
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replied December 4th, 2011
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Being a virgin means you never had a penis inside your vagina.

You are certainly no longer sexually pure, but you are for sure still a virgin. The bleeding was likely your hymen tearing. A torn hymen does not mean you are not a virgin, just like an intact hymen does not mean you are a virgin.

What you are experiencing is the problem with setting arbitrary standard like that for yourself. The years when those standards were common place, women gor married very very young. Today we get married later and later, and we have to live with our natural desires and sexuality. It is important to find an outlet for your desires. Normally masturbation is a perfectly safe way to deal with it, especially if you want to stay a virgin. If you do not find an outlet, you are bound to fail. Our inborn desire for sex is one of our basic needs. The survival of the human race relies on our unstoppable desire for sex and reproduction.

Stop beating yourself up over it. It does not serve any purpose. You are still a virgin. Find your own outlet for your sex drive and avoid situations where you can be tempted, or reset your expectations about your virginity.

Best of luck!
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replied January 10th, 2012
In my opinion you still are a virgin! I wouldn't stress about it too much! When i was younger i wanted to stay a virgin till i was married and i had actually let a guy finger me and i gave blow job... but i was still a virgin... i actually didnt lose my virginty till i was 18 and i wish that i would never have done it! Don't let anyone influence you to give it up! I don't care how beautiful they make you feel or anything thats something that you can never get back. and thats suppose to be something special! wait and give it to your husband! I wish that i would have... your friends probably will tell you that sex is the best thing ever but its not! So wait please!
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