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Dx severe depression, being bullied, I want to die

Ever since I was a kid, I have been rejected by society. People thought I was retarded, stupid, ugly, weird, gross... You name it. Everyone was mean to me: my teachers, random people I didn't know, my sisters (my parents didn't want to admit to them selves that I was retarded (even though I clearly was) but they did him me (spank me) when they were frustrated and didn't SAY I was slow). In the fourth grade (I think I was eight?), I just realized how mean everyone was and I started noticing how bad everyone thought of me. It hurt me, but it didn't really take effect until fifth grade and especially sixth. I was bullied by a "regular" bully in a class. She made everything worse. In the seventh grade, that's when I wanted to commit suicide more and more everyday. I wanted to die, I hated myself, I hurt myself, I hated life... I was already tired of life and ready to end everything. I guess that's when my resting face came and no one wanted to talk me, thankfully. In the eight, I had a teacher that helped me with my problems and listening and cared about me. I wish I had told her how I felt sooner, and got her email or something for a few years, but she's gone now. I miss her and that just adds more to the pain. Now I'm in highschool and I get bullied by multiple people multiple times a day 24/7. I just absolutely hate myself and I don't give a single crap about myself anymore. I don't care, at all, what happens to my dumb ugly stank self. I hate everything, everyone, my life, myself, and this world. I'm just ready to end everything.

I'm a female that lives in America that's ready to die. I do have one friend but I don't want her know I'm depressed, even though she's not fake and won't turn on me (I tested her many times, she's true), I just dont want her to worry. I have been diagnosed with severe depression by a certified therapist.Thank you for reading
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replied November 25th, 2018
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
Your symptoms are consistent with major depression. Its a chronic but treatable psychiatric disorder. All that you need is to have courage, determination and good compliance with drugs.
Avoid loneliness.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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