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Drug Induced Anxiety/Mental Disorder... Help..

Okay my story is a long and WEIRD one and very much true. Alot of variables to consider. Very ashamed of what I'm going thru. Not looking for judgement. Came here asking for help. Currently seeing therapist and psychologist.. SO here it goes. Get out your calendars. GOING TO BE A BUMPY RIDE..

Saturdayy July 23 I smoked, for the first time synthetic marijuana K2 spice at 11:00 and felt the effects at exactly 11:10. Turned to my friend and say "Hey this stuff works" Five seconds after saying that, Im looking at him and he becomes a vortex of colors and everything then becomes a vortex. Felt like 2 hours. When I finally come back to reality, I look at my watch its only 11:20. Get up go to bathroom to splash water on face, and my body feels like a dang robot like it was moving on its own. Wanted to take off all my clothes and run down the street naked. But I talked myself out of it and stayed at the party. But at 11:30 I feel good enough to drive home. So drove home. Was only two blocks away. Park the car and go to walk across a parking lot about the size of a football field. Started trying walk across lot, felt like I was getting nowhere. Had to touch reference points just to get across. Had to touch this car then touch this pole then touch the trash can and etc. Finally get across felt like 30 min. But only 2 minutes had passed. SO finally get in house didnt go to sleep till 6am. Racing thoughts, loose associations with thougts all crazy.

Wake up next day Sunday, thought process kinda returns but the world was like glitching and my time perception was messed up. Every time I would walk, I would move and then my surroundings would suddenly catch up to me.

Now this is where it gets debateable... Woke up next day Monday and was fine. Called off work to get reacclimated to the world. Went to see Captain America then went to mall. All was good. Fingers and face just felt a little numb. that was July 25.

Now from July 25-27, I was fine. Slight numbness in fingers and edges of face still. But July 28 woke up fine but walking to work, was walking across a long parking lot, and then all of a sudden it got long on me. Got scared. Finally told my dad what had been going on. Went to doctor that same day. She said it will all pass but go see a neurologist just to be safe.
*Note* I had NO anxiety at this point. Slight trouble falling asleep, but I had this a tad bit before. And my vision was slightly changing.

So I see neurologist on August 3, says it will pass BUT prescribes amitriptyline to go to sleep. So I take it that same night thinking it was just a sleep pill. Its turns out its an antidepressant. Bottle says take 1... I take 2 stupidly. Knocks me out... Woke up two hours later room spinning, back of my brain felt like it was dripping and then I became restless. Then the restlessness turned into suicidal thoughts. Got scared. Went back to family doctor next day, she prescribes vistaril. Basically benadryll. That was August 4.
*Note* Slight anxiety at this point. No physical symptoms of anxiety. was not affecting my abilities to read, etc. Just slight racing thoughts of "AM I going to be okay" If I had to rate it I would say 2/10

Few days later, August 7th, was sleeping on floor of dads bedroom after the antidepressant incident.. But my little brother, who is 6, comes in naked and I have a nasty thought about him. Never had that before in my life. Thought lasted for like 8 minutes. Finally I had to tell my dad what was going on. He said the sleep deprivation and anxiety was causing it. So I go to church and dismiss it. But sometimes when I would see my brother, it would remind me of that.
*Note* Anxiety at this point is 3/10. Still no physical symptoms of anxiety and my memory starts going a little. Still does not affect ability to focus, read, etc.. Waking up in middle of night for a few minutes.

Okay fast forward to August 24. Still have the anxiety but it was getting better. But I mess up and leave the house at night to go rent a game and go to walk across parking lot and have a "flashback" type thing because I realize I park in same exact spot as the first night of incident.

Next day, the thoughts of my brother come back and then things I would see on TV would bother me. And then I started looking at men, children and certain objects sexually. By August 26 the thoughts were full blown.. Im just saying to myself, what is going on!!!!???? I AM HETEROSEXUAL BY THE WAY AND HAVE BEEN WITH WOMEN ENTIRE LIFE. NO CURIOSITY OF EVER WANTING TO GO THE OTHER WAY.. NO BAD DRUG EXPERIENCE WILL MAKE ME THINK OTHERWISE. BUT I AM A VIRGIN THOUGH. MAYBE SOMETHING TO CONSIDER.
*Note* Anxiety at this point is manifesting itself physically. Heart palpitations, holding breath, feeling of unreality, zoning out, hard to focus, read etc.

Okay. School starts August 31st. First day before I even take a shower Full blown panic attack based on the fact that Im looking at everyone sexually, I feel I have lost my mind, memory and ability to go to school etc, etc. But my dad talks me out of it and I go to school and realize that it wasnt so bad. This gives me a glimmer of hope, because my dad was saying its just anxiety.

Now the rest of the stuff is inconsequential but from August 31st till now, it seems like my anxiety or subsconcious just wants to find ways to make it worse. I will list the things that trigger it or things that just trigger thoughts. Remember they will all be sexual.

At first it started out with just thoughts, then it became things I would see or do.
For example...
Brushing my teeth-because it resembles a penis, putting it in your mouth.
Bananas-pretty much self explanotory
Taking a drink of water from bottle-cuz its putting a liquid in your mouth
Bending Over to get something-dont know why or how but yeah...
Walking-for some reason, my anxiety is thinking of how my butt is moving
Spit in my mouth- dont know why, but anxiety thinks of it sexually
Of course any sexual lyrics
Certain words, like Men, kids, rod, staff, pole,etc...
Saxophone and trumpet players cuz they have something in their mouth
If peoples lips move a certain way
People with beards
Animals
Sitting in certain positions thinking of my butt.
Gay people
MANY MORE....

Then there are things that trigger it that arent sexual.
For example..
Googling symptoms of certain illnesses
Reading about other peoples experiences of drugs and stuff
Repetitive loud noises
FEW MORE...




NOW MIND YOU.. I HAD NO PROBLEM WITH THIS STUFF BEFORE ALL THIS HAPPENED. NO PREVIOUS SYMPTOMS OF THIS BEFORE. NOW I HAVE BEEN TO PSYCHOLOGIST AND HE HAS PRESCRIBED RESPIRDAL (RESPERIDONE). THAT IS A MED FOR MENTAL ILLNESS/SCHIZO. BUT AMAZINGLY WHEN I WENT TO SEE THERAPIST, I DEMANDED TO THE PSYCHOLOGISTS NOTES AND HE SAID RULE OUT OCD, BIPOLAR AND SCHIZO. MY THERAPIST SAYS SHE THINKS ITS ANXIETY BUT DAng, WHAT TYPE OF ANXIETY IS THIS??? AND I TOLD THEM ABOUT THE PORN I WATCH, WHICH IS GOOD OLE REGULAR PORN. NO ROUGH S&M, NO GANGBANG, ETC.. JUST ONE ON ONE REGULAR STUFF. THEY SAID THEIR IS NO RELATION. SO WHAT THE heck IS GOING ON??

Now my thought process with this stuff is leading me to believe that I've been tricking myself into alot of this. For example the way I was acquring the thoughts was I was always asking myself, "what if everytime i do this, i think this.." Lo and behold it would happen. It like my brain wouldnt shut up.. Now I admit this past week that I've been on Risperdal it has been getting better. But even before I went on it, the anxiety and thoughts were subsiding. My family doc thinks I had alot of "traumatic" events happen close together and the anxiety was just a natural reaction to it... What do you guys think???
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First Helper hueyfree123
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replied October 5th, 2011
I have been there but with magic mushrooms it was a nightmare and still affects me today leave drugs alone its just not worth it being anxcious after taking drugs is bad enough you like me got off reletavely lightly i know people who have gone on one and is still really messed up.It will pass but will always be in the back of your mind and thats the paradox it has already damaged you.Warn others as its playing russian ruelette
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replied October 6th, 2011
I dont think the drug messed me up. I was fine for 4 days. Then I had a flashback, then another traumatic experience with the amitriptyline.. That was when I had the first signs of anxiety.. My mind is now constantly repeating itself trying to figure out whats going on and the thoughts pop in randomly... I just dont know what to do. The more I fight it, the more it fights back. I go to work out and do healthy stuff and here it comes. I just dont want be like this forever. Im in college right now and Im now seriously considering dropping out and getting a regular job. I just dont know if I can go on like this. Whats funny is, I was studying to become a doctor. But I dont wanna be a doctor, thinking this stuff. Im on Risperdal now. But doc said if it dont work, next step is Lithium(OMG). But he doesnt think its permanent by his words. BUT WHEN DOES IT END?!?!?!?! ITS BEEN ALMOST 3 MONTHS!!!

ANYBODY OUT THERE, PLEASE REPLY IF YOU CAN.. ANYTHING OF ANY TYPE OF ADVICE. I JUST WANNA BE FREE OF THIS. I WAS SO FEARLESS BEFORE. NOTHING SCARED ME. I WAS 21 YEAR OLD MAN WITH THE WHOLE WORLD AT HIS FEET... NOW IM BREATHING HARD, WHEN I GET IN THE DANG ELEVATOR OR READING A BOOK, WAITING IN LONG LINES AND ANYTHING ELSE U COULD THINK OF AND ON TOP OF THAT WEIRD THOUGHTS. HELP!!!!!!!
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replied October 6th, 2011
AND IF ANYONE CAN REFER ME TO A WEBSITE THAT CAN HELP, PLEASE DO SO... I JUST WANT THIS TO BE OVER...
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replied October 7th, 2011
A counseling or a good session with a therapist will better help you get over all the things you are facing. You can go look for it on a website but that's all reading stuff. Moreover it is advisable not to self diagnose or self treat yourself. Just be positive, hang in there spirited to move on. Take things easy and breathe deep and sound when those nasty thoughts approach you.
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replied October 9th, 2011
just remember it will pass sounds like you need a course of valium(diazipam)you will be ok
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replied October 9th, 2011
Drug valium (diazipam) is a neurotransmitter. It induces effects by enhancing the activity of gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) in the brain.

The early symptoms of anxiety and stress should be treated or controlled before it develops into chronic disease.
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replied November 6th, 2011
Hay man,

Sorry for the late reply, it was pure luck i saw this as i accidently clicked on my spam and for some reason all notifications from this site were in there. i read your post and there is similarities between whats going on with you and the problems i had.

The psychiatrist will help you, he should talk you through it. i dont think there is anything you can take to fix it, i was given xanax by the doctor which is like valium but i only took it when the panic attacks were very bad. Taking drugs to fix a problem caused by drugs mighten be the way to go but im not a doctor so i dont know. If they make you feel weird then you should talk to your doctor and your Dad

I dont think the strange things you were thinking about means your gay, your mind has went through a very traumatic experience so your not quite yourself at the moment......for instance, i would have considered myself a fearless person but when things were at there worst i couldnt do anything without completely freaking out, watch TV, look at the sky, everything would cause me to be afraid and become anxious, thinking about sex would weird me out as well.....but this will all pass with time, REMEMBER what you took is no longer in your system, it took me so long to stop blaming myself and finally realise that im ok, keep telling yourself that, you mentioned that you feel ok when your dad talks you down, i bet you feel normal when this happens, or when you read my email or my post. For me if the phychiatrist told me it would pass i would feel normal but then the weird feeling and anxiety would return becuase i would start thinking about it, realising this is very important, YOU WILL BE FINE, IT WILL PASS.

I didnt have memmory loss but i read another post of a guy who did and he was also fine.

Racing thoughts was something i had lots of especially before bed, i used relaxation videos on youtube and meditation to calm me down.

THe attention span along with over analysing is most likely related to you worrying about wheather or not your going to be ok and blaming yourself, this will pass.

THe weird thoghts man, i had plenty of these, everything i looked at was weird, eating felt alien, couldnt relate to anyone, everything seemed strange, this got less and less as time went on.


I think it was so long for me because i was being so hard on myself, but im 100% myself again and it feels like an age since it happened.

Here are some tips that i found helped me through.


Stop looking it up on the internet....bad trip stories and bad expirences will only scare you, remind you of whats happened. Avoid things that freak you out if you can, for me a load of stuff freaked me out, things that seem silly now but at the time were very scary.

Do that positivity thing i was talking about, you will notice a huge difference, and its good to practice in general after you feel fine again. Look up the power of positive thinking, try and notice how much negative thoughts you think about and say stop it in your head everytime you do, eventually you will stop thinking them.


Dont go drinking for a while, this will set you back a lot, dont know why but it really puts you back in the depths of the expirence, it was about 3 months before i could go out drinking again without feeling really strange in the morning. this was hard me as im from ireland and basically its our national sport over here. And i shouldnt need to say it but no drugs.


Excercise to exhaustion, till your ready to collapse, this helped me more than anything, it kept my mind off it, it felt like i was rebuilding myself. Find a sport, for me it was fighting sports but there not for everyone, so lift weight, swim, run, do cardio and strength training. and i mean to exhaustion, make physical strength and fitness your mission along with your school work. This attitude strengthens your mind. I now can sparr with the pro fighters in my muay thai club, am extremely fit, and have 2 engineering degrees.

If you find your feeling worried or anxious, email me and ill always write you back. I knew someone who had been through something similar but less severe so i had him to talk to which gave me huge relief when i was feeling afraid.

Remember man, whats happened to you is like a kind of post traumatic stress, its not permanent, only temporary but i went through it i know how serious it feels, you will be fine, i came out of the whole thing with a new appreciation for life and am a much better person for it.

Reply to this so i know you got it, and email with any questios you have or when your feeling down and ill get back to you as soon as i can.

Also show your dad this email so he can help you with the stuff you need to do, find you a sport ect.

Also man, dont even think about dropping out of college, focus on it with everything you have, and dont listen to people who are negative

Remember man, THIS WILL PASS
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replied December 23rd, 2011
How long did it take for yours to pass? It has been about two months for me, and my anxiety has basically subsided but I still obsessively think about it. I just want totally forget this ever happened, I was so happy before.
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replied November 8th, 2011
Hi guys, wondering can anyone help me here, user heuyfree123 sent me a few mails which i have replied to but the messages remain in my outbox and not in my sentbox, does this mean they havent been read, i have also. this is the second time this has happened and both times the users were in distress so i would like to make sure they recieve my relply, i posted it above so hopefully he has seen it.

Can anyone help me??
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replied November 12th, 2011
YOOOOOO!!!!!! Whats up... I got your messages and thanks alot for replying.. I looked on your profile and it said the last post you had made was like in Sept 2010 so, in my mind, it was a longshot trying to reach you. Im glad you still check in here from time to time...

You were right about it fading... It seems to be fading now at the 4 month mark but like you, (I believe you said) its leaving me with this depression, based on the thoughts like, I'll never be the same, maybe some guilt, I wish I didnt have to go through this, etc etc....

I still have racing thoughts and still trying to figure out if my memory is the same as it was but its definitely calmed down as I can now focus on things better and its no longer a 24/7 thing. Passing, residual thoughts/memories here and there... I dont think the drug messed up my memory but I've read that severe anxiety can affect memory and once the anxiety passes it returns to normal...
Anyway, I was a real philosophical guy, studying different religions, pondering life and God and purpose... I was sort of at a crossroads in life which is not a good time to have a "bad trip" Makes everything much worse... Like you, certain TV shows, waiting in a long line, riding a bus, and MANY OTHER THINGS all gave me anxiety. Got on a train and as soon as we started moving had a full blown panic attack. LOL. Im glad the panic attacks have passed...

I;ve been doing physical workouts and stuff like you said. Rode my bike 60 miles the other day and after that my body really felt good. I used to lift alot a few years ago and then I let myself get frail and lazy. But I started lifting heavy again the other day and my old leg workouts really get me feeling good. (Used to run track)...
I believe the body can heal the brain and the brain can heal the body naturally so Im going off the medication the psychiatrist prescribed me. Its an antipsychotic that is basically the same as having a chemical lobotomy so... If after a year of hard physical and mental training, I still feel bad, the pills will always be there I figure. Plus it made my ears ring 24/7 and still ringing.. I pray to God its not permanent...

Anyway I had a few questions...
1.Those videos to help you relax at night on youtube you mentioned, if you can send em to me. you mentioned meditation as well...?

2.Did you take any supplements or vitamins that you felt made a difference??

3.What other workouts/sports did you do?? I know you said Muay Thai for you and I started looking into Boxing. But did you swim, bike, or any other stuff you did, LIST IT, to give me some ideas...

4. You mentioned somethign about the "power of positive thinking"... Were you talking about the book by Norman Vincent Peale???

5.Did you have trouble paying attention?? Attention span a little less?? And did some of your thought processes seem a little different?? Like the way you process information seem a little different?? If so what did you do to remedy it??Im a musician and Im finding the way I used to hear music is different, I cant study the way I used to, etc... I noticed its returning to normal for me but I want speed up the process a little if possible...

.. Send me your email unless you still want to contact through ehealthforum... I honestly only joined ehealthforum to get in contact with you after I read your post when you mentioned what you went through... So look forward to hearing from you.. Troy
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replied November 12th, 2011
Yo MofClarity, I sent you some messages.. Did you get them. Check your inbox. I had some questions..
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replied November 12th, 2011
MofClarity I got your messages and I sent you a reply, check your inbox.. Mine are in my sentbox so I hope you got them. check your spam in your email too..
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replied November 23rd, 2012
Intrusive thoughts
Hi,

I've read your post, and I know a little bit about what you're going through. the only thing is that I don't know all the answers. I have been through some similar weird stuff with my mind, which I don't think was drug induced, which for me has made it harder to explain.

Let me just say first that the intrusive thoughts and subsequent panic and anxiety and self-hate that developed in me as a result of those thoughts, have mostly gone away during years of treatment. I am bipolar, so a lot of it makes sense. But it doesn't take the excruciating pain away when you're in it.

I have not taken drugs or alcohol for over 25 years, but, and this is a huge but, I was an addict for a number of years, from the age of 13 to 24. One of my very favorite drugs was PCP. I may have lasting damage or flashbacks, I don't know. But I never had the messed up intrusive thoughts when I was actually taking PCP. I had all other kinds of weird experiences,but nothing like I've suffered in recent years.

Some of the thoughts I have dealt with--obsessive thoughts, terrible thoughts, include:
The N word, over and over. My mind would call people that, though I never use that word, and I despise that word. I am not a racist. That word thought nearly drove me to suicide because I had it in relation to people I really love, especially one person who is biracial! I love him so much that thought felt like a constant knife through my heart.
Thoughts of sex with children, those closest to me, though I never had a desire to have sex with a child.
thoughts that I would kill the people I love most, though I was never even angry with them.
violent images constantly playing through my mind--seeing those I love violated, cut up, beat to death, and imagining I was the one doing those things to them.
Man, I can't even begin to list the stuff I thought. They made me want to kill myself, I could not stop thinking about killing myself.I began to think I was evil and possessed. I went to a church to have the demon cast out and tried to be born again. I worked out constantly and rigorously to try to beat the anxiety.
The GOOD NEWS IS THIS: I have not had most of those thoughts for years now.And I have never known anyone who has had them for their entire life. No-one. I have been taking medications for years with hit and miss luck. But your whole thing could have been brought on by the drug experience, and you may never need medication. I'm thinking and hoping that yours will go away without all that. Drugs can do weird stuff to us. Now, if I was not a drug addict and alcoholic, I might try a tranquilizer like valium to help that kind of stuff because it may work. In fact, I believe it would work (though anyone can get addicted if they take those kinds of medicines for long periods of time)--it would work for me, but the end result for me would be worse. So I can't go that route. Drinking and drugs kept me from experiencing the worst of my bipolar symptoms for a long time, I never even knew I had a mental illness. They kept anxiety and all kinds of stuff at bay for a good, long time.
I believe you'll recover. The main thing I want to say is that I relate to you, I understand the kind of pain those thoughts can cause us. And I know that your real self does not want to do any of that stuff. Also, I don't believe the porn is related at all. The porn didn't cause those thoughts.
I know it is a cliche, but please hang in. They will go away. Thanks for detailing your thoughts too, because you don't even know how many people, like me, who think they are alone and sick--you are helping us. Thanks again.
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replied November 23rd, 2012
Intrusive thoughts
Hi,

I've read your post, and I know a little bit about what you're going through. the only thing is that I don't know all the answers. I have been through some similar weird stuff with my mind, which I don't think was drug induced, which for me has made it harder to explain.

Let me just say first that the intrusive thoughts and subsequent panic and anxiety and self-hate that developed in me as a result of those thoughts, have mostly gone away during years of treatment. I am bipolar, so a lot of it makes sense. But it doesn't take the excruciating pain away when you're in it.

I have not taken drugs or alcohol for over 25 years, but, and this is a huge but, I was an addict for a number of years, from the age of 13 to 24. One of my very favorite drugs was PCP. I may have lasting damage or flashbacks, I don't know. But I never had the messed up intrusive thoughts when I was actually taking PCP. I had all other kinds of weird experiences,but nothing like I've suffered in recent years.

Some of the thoughts I have dealt with--obsessive thoughts, terrible thoughts, include:
The N word, over and over. My mind would call people that, though I never use that word, and I despise that word. I am not a racist. That word thought nearly drove me to suicide because I had it in relation to people I really love, especially one person who is biracial! I love him so much that thought felt like a constant knife through my heart.
Thoughts of sex with children, those closest to me, though I never had a desire to have sex with a child.
thoughts that I would kill the people I love most, though I was never even angry with them.
violent images constantly playing through my mind--seeing those I love violated, cut up, beat to death, and imagining I was the one doing those things to them.
Man, I can't even begin to list the stuff I thought. They made me want to kill myself, I could not stop thinking about killing myself.I began to think I was evil and possessed. I went to a church to have the demon cast out and tried to be born again. I worked out constantly and rigorously to try to beat the anxiety.
The GOOD NEWS IS THIS: I have not had most of those thoughts for years now.And I have never known anyone who has had them for their entire life. No-one. I have been taking medications for years with hit and miss luck. But your whole thing could have been brought on by the drug experience, and you may never need medication. I'm thinking and hoping that yours will go away without all that. Drugs can do weird stuff to us. Now, if I was not a drug addict and alcoholic, I might try a tranquilizer like valium to help that kind of stuff because it may work. In fact, I believe it would work (though anyone can get addicted if they take those kinds of medicines for long periods of time)--it would work for me, but the end result for me would be worse. So I can't go that route. Drinking and drugs kept me from experiencing the worst of my bipolar symptoms for a long time, I never even knew I had a mental illness. They kept anxiety and all kinds of stuff at bay for a good, long time.
I believe you'll recover. The main thing I want to say is that I relate to you, I understand the kind of pain those thoughts can cause us. And I know that your real self does not want to do any of that stuff. Also, I don't believe the porn is related at all. The porn didn't cause those thoughts.
I know it is a cliche, but please hang in. They will go away. Thanks for detailing your thoughts too, because you don't even know how many people, like me, who think they are alone and sick--you are helping us. Thanks again.
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