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Dont know if i should just leave my husband

I feel like i am in a very complicated situation. I have been married nearly 2 years now and spent the first year long distance. My husband is from canada and i am from the UK. We are now living together in Canada but the relocation here has been more difficult then i imagined. I have no family or friends here and the isolation i feel i can not explain. I spend most days very down and missing home so much. I just know in my heart i can not stay here and i want to move back to UK with my husband. The problem is he is not too keen on the idea. I am trying to be patient with the whole thing but he seems to never really want to answer the question of us moving back and dont think he plans to. The pattern generally is months wil go by where it will not be mentioned. We will talk about it and normally gets no where. Then he is quiet about it and acts like the conversation never happens and the cycle continues. I feel so trapped and often have problems sleeping and get so emotional at times. I also sometimes feel like my husband does not understand. He has family here but is not as close to his family as i was to my own.

As time is going on i am beginning to resent him more and more. In my head i plan this escape back home never to return just to feel sane and happy again. I hate it here and just want to go home. i have tried everything to try and settle from classes to other social groups but its just not working.

I am 100% sure i dont want to stay here. If i cant convince my husband i am thinking of just booking a ticket and returning.. i keep playing with this in my head again and again. I just feel so desperate and dont know what to do. But at the same time i feel like i am just giving up on my marriage. I just dont know what to do. I just feel so alone here and feel i cant tel my family otherwise they will just get so upset that i am so unhappy. I just dont know how this marriage has a future if we are not on the same path. He once told me that he would never want to see me unhappy and we always talked about the what if i dont settle? But now i am here, things seem much different. He just keeps hoping my feelings will change i think. I just dont know how this marriage is to move forward postively when we both cant even decide where to now settle. I just feel like such a failure i just wish things could be different.

Would appreciate any advice on this or anyone who may have ever been in a similar situation.
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replied January 18th, 2010
Community Volunteer
This kind of comes down to how much do you love your husband....Can you live wihtout him and never look back?....Or will you regret it the rest of your life?...

Caroline
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replied January 18th, 2010
This is how I see it. When you love somebody, you want to be with them.. you don't care where you have to go, as long as you're together. Even a hovel becomes the taj Mahal when there is true love. This is what you have to decide. To me it doesn't sound like you are as in love as you might have thought. You can't talk to each other about this, so how much talking would you be able to do about other important issues that will come up in the future. There will be too much resentment on both sides. If you think you would be happier back home without him than here with him, you need to cut the ties now, before either of you are hurt any worse. You haven't been married that long, and if there are no children, you have to make the decision once and for all.
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replied January 19th, 2010
I think i am just totally confused and frustrated. I dont think it lies with the fact i no longer feel for my husband. I think i am just feeling very distant from him with the whole predicament alongside other things. I do want the marriage to work and dont want to give up yet. As much as i feel like getting up and going, part of me also feels i will be unhappy without him. I guess i feel to suggest some drastic action for him to realise how serious the matter is. At the moment i think he takes the predicament a little too lightly. I do not think it helps that we went back for Christmas to my home town. Everything for once felt so perfect and i did not want to return. When things are good between us i am happy.. but this location issue never seems to want to leave me. If it was not so far i think i would be able to deal with it. But i just cant explain how overwhelming everything has been. I have been close to my immediate family all my life. Even though i know that marriage in general changes relationships with others as the sole fous is us, just not being able to see my family as frequently and having to think about an 8 hour flight its just too far. not only that, i feel very out of place in our new environment and just feel very unsettled here. We are fortunate enough in the UK to both have family ties. I also think we can also have a good life there together. I think we can both be very happy there i just wish my husband was not so close minded about the situation. Putting all this aside i just want to think of ways of dealing with this. I have already signed up for individual counselling. I am also trying to convince my husband to come and i think he maybe slowly coming around. I think i may try and book an appt to have something solid so we can try it together. It does concern me that we have many problems early in the marriage but just hoping and praying there is some way this can work. I dont want this resentment to continue to grow towards my husband as things only seem to be getting worst.
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replied March 7th, 2010
Home Issues...
Well well well... so I have the same problem, but with the boot on the other foot. I can totally understand not fitting in with the "Canuks" but that's another matter... The problem on my side is; a wife who wants to live in the same neighbourhood as mummy and daddy. What's with that? I spent my life trying to get away from home, and now I'm stuck in someone else's family. I have exactly the same issues - can't sleep at night tossing and turning sometimes etc etc I have had an absolute gutsfull of having to deal with petty family stuff from around the corner. Wife has every sxcuse under the sun for not selling our house and moving accross town. Half of it is loyalty to the Mutha and half is this is where the family allways lived. I'm nearly about to move out so the kids will have a choice. What is the issue about location which is so important surely everyone should just reach a happy medium. My problem is I have bad credit and am self employed, but she is fine, so uses this as a lever to eck out another minute in this house. We have 2 kids, and I've been patient for 7 years. We found a place we both liked, but still no agreement. Anyone got some good advice? Nearly about to head back to the counsellors. PS Roxie if you move him back to the UK do not move in next door to mumsy, make sure you are in commuting distance minimum - for his sanity.
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