Hi, new to the forum. I'm concerned about my mental health and how it's affecting my family.

I'm 23 years old, 24 this month. As long as I can remember I've suffered with severe depression to the point that I feel it cripples me mentally. I've been to my doctors many times regarding my mental state asking to be referred to my local mental health team. Every time it goes so far and then I tend to bottle it, convincing myself that I don't have a problem and that I can deal with it on my own. Stopping the tablets that have been prescribed to me.

When I'm down and out I tend not to want to see anybody, I go into a shell and only want to see my girlfriend. When she criticises anything that I do I react negatively and angrily. I don't mean to do this, I just react, most of the time without realising what I'm doing. I lose all motivation in what I'm doing from a day to day basis. I rarely sleep, partly to blame on a past knee injury but also I rarely feel tired. But when i wake up no matter how long I've slept i feel wide awake. I haven't seen my friends in over a month and don't feel like I want to. I feel scared to be out of my comfort zone and the furthest I generally go is to the corner shop or to my mother in law who lives 3 doors away.

When I got with my partner I was high as a kite, always happy. Felt like there was nothing that could stop me from being so high. 7 months down the line and I've changed into the person I used to be. My mood swings make me feel physically sick to think about. The amount of pressure I put her under must be destabilising for her.

We argue about the most pathetic things, any comment that is made in jest I can take one day and anger me the next. I have a constant need to know what she's doing most of the day because I'm extremely paranoid to the point where I'm telling myself something is happening, when in reality she is at work. We can argue about how much money I spend, how much !**@! I smoke or even about what we're watching on TV. I always go to the shop just for the sake of buying something.. Like I have an addiction to spending our money! I've already been addicted to gambling and continue to stay away from casino's and bookmakers.

My doctor has played with the bipolar route. But as of yet I've never stuck around long enough to find out the severity of my problem. Through guilt, negligence and a total fear in what would happen.

My biggest worry is I'm suffocating my girlfriend. She's put up with a huge amount of grief from me and it's takin it's toll on our relationship now. I have no idea how to deal with my problems and I'm finding it desperately hard to stop myself from feeling down and reacting angrily to every comment thrown my way

If anybody can offer me advice it would be much appreciated!
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replied September 13th, 2013
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