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Does anyone have trouble listening to music anymore?

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Hi. I'm 17 and I had anorexia for 4 years of my life, bulimia for the last 3-4 months and I have now stopped purging, at a healthy weight and exercising without overdoing it. By all technical means I am recovered. However there's something deep inside me,a pain I dulled with anorexia that hurts more than ever. I want to kill myself. I don't want to see anyone. I don't enjoy the things I used to. I thought these things were part of my eating disorders but now I'm starting to think this is beyond my control and something I've had for a long time. I saw my doctor, she gave me a questionnaire and never called me back. I've tried to reach her but it's been months and I feel very alone. No one knows about my eating, my suicidal thoughts, my bulimia, not my family or friends. When I think of my future, all I can see is an emptiness with no promises for me, with no hope or happiness. The doctor advised me to exercise and I do, but it is a small victory. I am tired in my bones. I feel like I'm already dead. I'm going to call her office tommorow but I don't know if I'll be able to find the questionnaire. I know the answers will be the same. I guess I posted this to see if anyone else felt this way. Because now it feels like I must make a choice- living somewhat happy slowly killing myself(anorexia), or living depressed and awake, yet wanting to die.
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replied July 28th, 2012
Experienced User
killing yourself is not the answer. if you did that you would only be hurting the people that love and care about you like your family and friends. i think maybe you should see a therapist and talk to your doctor about getting you on an antidepressant and that might help. i hope this helps and i wish you the best of luck getting better.
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