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Does anyone have trouble listening to music anymore?

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Hi. I'm 17 and I had anorexia for 4 years of my life, bulimia for the last 3-4 months and I have now stopped purging, at a healthy weight and exercising without overdoing it. By all technical means I am recovered. However there's something deep inside me,a pain I dulled with anorexia that hurts more than ever. I want to kill myself. I don't want to see anyone. I don't enjoy the things I used to. I thought these things were part of my eating disorders but now I'm starting to think this is beyond my control and something I've had for a long time. I saw my doctor, she gave me a questionnaire and never called me back. I've tried to reach her but it's been months and I feel very alone. No one knows about my eating, my suicidal thoughts, my bulimia, not my family or friends. When I think of my future, all I can see is an emptiness with no promises for me, with no hope or happiness. The doctor advised me to exercise and I do, but it is a small victory. I am tired in my bones. I feel like I'm already dead. I'm going to call her office tommorow but I don't know if I'll be able to find the questionnaire. I know the answers will be the same. I guess I posted this to see if anyone else felt this way. Because now it feels like I must make a choice- living somewhat happy slowly killing myself(anorexia), or living depressed and awake, yet wanting to die.
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replied July 28th, 2012
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killing yourself is not the answer. if you did that you would only be hurting the people that love and care about you like your family and friends. i think maybe you should see a therapist and talk to your doctor about getting you on an antidepressant and that might help. i hope this helps and i wish you the best of luck getting better.
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