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Desperate Mother of out of control 15 year old son

Any help would be appreciated. I have a 15 year old son. He has been seriously struggling since the summer before his freshman year. His friends have changed. His mood is very abrupt. He is rarely happy, and seldom do I see him smile. He has become sexually active. He smokes, has done drugs (both prescription and marijuana that I am aware of) and drinks alcohol. He has become disruptive in school, doesn't obey the school rules, is disrespectful to staff, and doesn't do his homework. He has gone from being an A and B student, to failing almost all of his classes. He says he doesn't care about school and plans on quitting when he turns 17.

He doesn't respect me anymore, actually, he tells me he hates me. His father and I have been divorced since he was 2. His dad is not a responsible parent, and doesn't participate in his life. But, my son thinks his dad is the best thing ever. He has no rules when he is over at dad's house. He comes and goes as he pleases. Dad lives 2 blocks away, so he walks over for dad's visitation times, and most of the time dad isn't even there. Sometimes dad doesn't come home the entire night. I constantly worry about what he is doing when he is at dad's.

His dad doesn't want to pay child support, so he feeds into my son's desire for more attention from dad, and suggests he live there. That he'd be happier if he lived there. My son seems to think this is true too. That I have too many rules and I am controlling. It probably feels that way to him because dad has no rules.

I had tried several times talking to dad about my concerns, and suggested counseling, but dad doesn't believe in counseling and has made sure our son is aware that "counseling is for quacks and only costs him more money". This of course has made my son have a even greater negative opinion on getting help.

I had my son admitted to an inpatient behavioral health hospital last month. He was there for 8 days, then participated in a partial hospitalization program for 10 days. He is being treated for mood disorders, bipolar disorder, and substance abuse. He is now seeing a counselor 2 times a week and is taking medication twice daily.

He frequently says he is sick, and requests to stay home from school, or calls from school to go home. Dad doesn't help at all. I have to frequently leave work to care for him. I am paying all of his medical bills and taking him to all of his appointments. But I am a horrible parent.

He has posted horrible things about me on social media, calling me horrible names. He tells his dad he hates me and I am a terrible parent. He yells at me, swears at me, punches holes in my walls, leaves the house without permission when he's angry, slams doors... Its mentally breaking me. I feel sad. I feel hurt. I feel angry. I love my son so very much. I am doing everything I can for him, and trying to stay strong, but I feel weaker by the day.

Can anyone please offer some advice?

Sincerely,
Desperate Mother
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replied March 21st, 2014
Experienced User
visit the school and see whats going on......

then you will have more info and that will allow you to really understand the problem....
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