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Depression won't leave me alone-please read whole story

Hi, I am 21 yr old and I have only had one stable relationship that lasted a year and I was really in love with the girl and we broke up on neutral terms. I really cared for her, didn't even have sex with her because we didn't want to until we got married but that obviously didn't happen. Ever since the brake up I have felt my life in a downward spiral for the last 3 yrs. Of course I have tried to move on and dated but I don't get the same feelings for them. I guess what I really want is someone to share my experiences with and sleep with at night, that would really make me happy. I smoke pot occasionally to cope with the loneliness and sometimes I feel like the pot makes it worse. Even had a love affair with my downstairs neighbor, don't get me wrong the sex was great (to mention I lost my virginity), but it didn't satisfy my broken heart. But to tell y'all the whole story, I was depressed before my first stable relationship even started. My father died 5 yrs ago and the last thing I told him is that he let me down. I was really close to him, he was my best friend and I looked up to him as a role model. I even stopped playing basketball for my high school because I couldn't take the fact he wouldn't be around to watch me play. I really do feel bad about not telling him I loved him as my last words to him, this has to be the root of my depression. Now going back to the relationship issue, I really want to find someone special to fill this my half-full heart, as corny as that sounds.

Please tell me what y'all think. I would like to move on in life and I feel like I am holding myself back.
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First Helper Uchiha
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replied November 30th, 2011
Well. It is very understandable. I wasn't even in a relationship and I still havent gotten over a guy I have had a crush on since 9th grade (I'm a senior now). I would recommend that you try to move on a little bit at a time. You don't need to go back to her even if she came back into your life. If she hurt your heart that much, then there would be nothing to stop her from hurting it again. I would try to do some things with friends or that you enjoy to occupy your mind and time. And that one person that fills your void will come at the time you least expect it. smoking pot probably isn't the greatest thing to do. try to stay positive. get a fun hobby or something that really interests you. It sounds lame, but I actually use anime to keep my mind off of him (when I am not swamped by AP homework or my job, which is rare). Everything will work out eventually. You will get over her one day, just take your time at it. go at your own pace.
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