Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

Depression I feel perpetually stuck and I don't want to be

This time last year I began a downward spiral. I began to sink into a deeply unhappy state in late September, and after attempting (and failing) to find happiness in the church, I began to find means of happiness in other outlets. I began to self-harm at first, but when my parents confronted me about my changes in mood and made me start to go to therapy, I knew I needed to stop self-harming.Instead, I sought after happiness by drinking, doing drugs, and having sex. For a while I thought I was happy, and the suicidal thoughts began to go away and I threw away all of the suicide letters I had written until this August when I got in trouble with the police and everything began to go downhill again. I had never told my therapist about the self-harm, drugs, sex, or alcohol, because she always talked to my parents about what we discussed in our sessions and she was clueless. My parents lost their trust in me and I got everything taken away from me- my car, my friend priveleges, and my phone/laptop. Eventually, my boyfriend cheated on me and when I found out we broke up, and I began to self harm for the first time in 6 months. I no longer had ways to get drugs and alcohol and I began to sink deep into my depression again, but I can't afford to show it to anyone, because my parents will be devestated that i'm this way again, i'll have to see the therapist again, and my friends will treat me all fragile again and I'm scared because I don't know what to do because I don't want to feel this way again but I'm so sad and it's so exhausting looking happy for the world when you're miserable and all i want to do is sleep and cry and eat and evaporate into nothing and dissapear but there's nothing I can do about it. I haven't self-harmed since August 21st but it's so so hard I had to hide my razor from myself and I tried to kill myself but I accidentally threw up the pills and I'm so scared.

So I guess what I want to ask is what you think I should do because I feel perpetually stuck and I don't want to be sad again?
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replied October 20th, 2014
You need someone you trust to talk to. There is an underlying reason for your depression ( either mental or chemical ) drinking and drugs will only make it worse ! I myself started volunteering at the church outreach ( clothing and feeding the poor and also visiting the seniors home )You can feel better by making others feel better! putting a smile on someones face or making them laugh is priceless !
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