I don't even know where to start...it seems like since I've been 20 things in my life just keep getting worse and and worse, and when something seems to be good something even worse comes along to destroy that. I'm now 24 and it has only gotten worse. One thing that I am extremely grateful for is my group of friends, they have always accepted me and been there, but now that we have all graduated i don't see them or keep in contact as much as we should. When it comes to my professional career, I've managed to destroy that.I moved out of state to to a job with a police department. I was fired from while in their academy. I was accused of attempting to cheat on an exam. I have never cheated in my life,
I graduated with a 2.6 from college, I sure as hell didn't cheat to earn a 2.6. None the less my integrity is shot, and I can't find a job now, which has made me feel like a even bigger piece of trash. My parents, mainly my mom has been extremely helpful, helping me pay for my rent and bills. My social life, well is pretty much non-existent. I want to get out there and meet new people and start networking, but it just doesn't happen. I think i present a negative image and people don't want to talk to me or even approach me, I am so far from that. I try or at least I think I do to be accepting and friendly to everyone...I guess people just don't see that in me. So, that leads me to my current unemployment and being able to
meet people. My love life is an after-thought i haven't had a meaningful relationship in about 2 years...I know I'm not the most attractive person and that has been reinforced by my attempts to meet girls. If I'm lucky i can get a phone number, but when I call i get the classic "I'm sick", "I 'm busy tonight" and so on...I get it I'm not good looking and you don't want to bee seen with somebody that looks like me. And for people that respond to this I'm not out of shape I am a gym freak, I'm there 5x a week and usually run between 5-7 mi. a week I have bad features a gigantic sloping forehead, a receding hairline, and in general undesirable feature. As I mentioned before I moved out of state to take a job, I had zero friends here and as it stands now I know exactly about 2 people here that would even give me the time a day.
Sorry for the long rant, but that leaves me whee I am at now; lonely unemployed, and completely depressed. I'm ready to give up... there are days when I just want to die, I actually wish sometimes i would be killed in a accident or by some other means so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I hate not being able to achieve the desirable things in life. No matter how hard I try I will, with out a doubt, screw them up and dig a even bigger hole with no way out. I have thought about suicide, much more recently, but I can't do it because it would tear apart my mom and my sister. I'm just sick of being the screw up in my family and sick of falling short of my goals and not being able to live up to what I should be able to. I hate it.
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replied May 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
The fork in the road
See yourself walking down a path and at the in comes a fork with no sign to direct you. You have a very big decission to make. Left or right? Both look almost the same only the one on the left seems somewhat more breathtaking and brilliant then the other. Is this somehow a hidden dark ended path? Maybe I should take the one on the right. Seems there is more consistancy to that one. So you do.
At the end of that road you find everything in life you have wanted. Fairytale? Yes, of course, by me.
But life is full of these forks. And it is up to you not to give up and balance the issues and focus on the goals and the depth you want to go to achieve them. You will do fine as long as you never give up on yourself. It is those that give up that take that road of brilliantsie.

CD
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replied July 29th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
Your feelings and symptoms are suggestive of dysthymia. I would suggest you antidepressant like sertraline. Do regular exercise and yoga. Avoid loneliness. Consult psychiatrist for psychotherapy.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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