Medical Questions > Mental Health > Mental Conditions Forum

depression/bipolar/etc? idontknow, help?

hey, anyone feel this way too?
join the CFW (club for weirdos)
let's go for world domination! (kill all the normal people and create the universe of loopyness)
this is a waste of my time. (sorry!)
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Total Votes : 1
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hey, i have been wondering for a long time,
and i would really like to know what is it exactly i am suffering from.

i think its PMS, since i get really depressed a day before i get my period,
to the point of being suicidal, and it lasts for days.
But it even happens when i am nowhere near having my period.
Also, my period is really unstable, sometimes it doesnt come for months,
and almost on alternate months, it hurts so bad that the only thing i can do is curl up in a corner and whimper for the whole day.

The only thing which stops me from doing anything to myself
is that i dont want my family to worry, so i sometimes just hit myself
or hit the wall and generally do stuff that doesnt leave any marks.
I also tend to be quite paranoid, about everyone, so I try to blend into the background as much as possible, and i have anti-social tendencies.
I dont like to meet new people(all the time), especially people of the opposite gender.(Im a girl) And its not like I got abused or had a terrible childhood or whatever. I was okay with guys when I was a kid and didnt see them as 'guys'.
I am not scared of them, just that they tend to annoy me alot.

I hate people in general(when I'm depressed), and even my family, i dont like to be around them even though i know i love them.
The thing is, all this is totally random. Its like one minute I am totally happy-crazy and the next second(literally) I am so depressed I want to kill myself.
At times, i get so 'high' and happy and ecstatic, its almost hysterical and I cant control these moods.
Sometimes, I just start laughing and I cant stop for a long time, I'll end up on the floor and I just laugh and laugh even though nothing is funny.
Its kind of scary because sometimes I dont feel anything at all,
as in, I get no emotions from anything, kind of like abit psychopathic(?), even when I am supposed to be feeling horrified/scared/happy etc.
My normal personality is 'heck-care', 'chill' and 'easygoing', except when I am having these moods.
My friends says that my personality is extreme, either depressed or maniac.
The thing is, my friends dont understand and I dont really know how to explain to them, they just think I am weird. I cant talk to my family because I dont want them to worry. And I am good at faking being okay and normal that people dont know I have a problem(I can be charming when I want), even when in my mind, I think I am screaming sometimes.
I just got a job in a cozy and really nice family restaurant and I am going to quit after the first day because I cant handle the human interaction with them. I am okay in another job where I am not expected to make friends and be nice.
I think that I should be seeing a therapist/psychologist but I am not sure if what I feel is normal? And even if I go to one, I am too paranoid to talk(I think).

So, thanks to the illusion of anonymity that the internet provides, I finally plucked up courage to ask, and I know this is the first and last time I'll ever ask.
I dont know what to do, or whats it that I am suffering from, or maybe this is all normal. And oh, I am 19 years old. Help?

ps. sorry for such a super long message:/
pps. pleasepleaseplease help?
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replied January 21st, 2011
I feel the exact same way sometimes. I'm very close to suicide sometimes. I don't know what stops me. I having nothing to live for anymore. But as for you, pray to God. Smile You've probably heard this countless times, but things will get better, eventually. I guess thats why I'm still holding on. As a tip for you, try being more social. Don't let little things get you down..I'm sure you have a best friend..So maybe you could talk to them, and ask them for help..Because they probably know you better than anyone else. But listen, you're for sure not the only one going through this! I hope things work out for you in the future. Have a nice life Very Happy Goodbye!
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replied February 15th, 2011
I've kinda felt the same way as well. Sometimes, I'll stare at the kitchen knives, comtemplating if I should kill myself or not. The only thing keeping my alive is my friends, my music, and the fact that I would like to see a doctor as well. Oh, and the fact that I'm scared to cut myself half the time. I don't enjoy pain, so if I killed myself, I'd have to use a gun in the brain. O___O DON'T GET ANY IDEAS!!!! I'M ONLY 12!!!!
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replied February 20th, 2011
Vo, I am to hear you are going through this yourself. I used to have problems of social interaction issues and this raised my awareness becos I don't seem to make friends easily. However, this social issue is very depressive and thus I was always depressed throughout my childhood. I am now 33. So, years ago, I took up the courage to meet and talk to many new friends and colleagues. I found that I liked people and they actually make me happy, especially when they accept me as what I am.

Maybe you just need to talk to someone one at a time and see you guys could click. If so, then further your conversation.

I am also facing so issues in my life now. Though I believe they could be cured but I am not seeking treatment. I want to pray to god for strengths so that I could recover soon and lead a normal life.

Vo, I wish u good lucks and do not forget to have faith in yourself to get better soon, and I know you will.
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