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Depression and Panic Disorder

Do you think my depression is the main problem or is it something else like bi-polar?
Medication side effects / contraindications
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I am 18 and last year around late september I had a panic attack for the first time in years, I had those and depression when i was 12. when i was 12 I was put on prozac for anxiety and depression, my psychiatrist always asked if i had suicidal thoughts and I always lied and said no when I would become consumed with obsessing about suicide when I was young I would always think about how my grandma would feel and that would be enough to make it stop.

Last year (18 years old) I had a panic attack out of the blue and for about 6 or 7 days straight all I could think about was suicide, I never made a plan or anything just constant suicide I was in a constant state of extreme anxiety, it was hell. after I finally saw a thereapist she said I can either go to the mental hospital or she can put me in one. so I went and admitted myself.

I was in there for 10 days they put me on prozac again and it seemed to take my depression away a bit just enough to feel moderate, suicidal thoughts were random and didnt occcur constantly.

After i got out I saw a psychiatrist and explained that I would feel great for a couple days and then crash into a major depressive state mixed with anxiety. so he put me on Lithium (Eskalith 450mg twice a day) that seemed to help somewhat, I then went to a different psychiatrist for insurance reasons and he added wellbutrin sr 150 mg twice a day. cant remember if it helped or not that was around feb. I was on prozac up until april we weened mysellf off of it to try something else, Zoloft tryed that for four weeks and its been hell since we got off that and I started lexapro 5 days ago.

I still have these periods of feeling great like im in control and I can be free of any depression and anxiety, I dont get extremely hyper or energetic just me, I get to be me for a short period of time which makes it so hard, I get a glimpse of being me then a couplr days later im back to being depressed anxious feeling like im dead or going die crying from frustration and sadness. its just an up and down roller coster from hell, feel good, then i crash suicidal ideations come back.

I dont know if my medication side effects are the problem or there not riight I just dont know, I start a new med and I have no idea if its working or not wellbutrin can cause anxiety and all antidepressants cause sucidal thoughts the first few weeks, those thoughts put me into an anxious state and then i get depressed and so on.

I dont know what to do am i depressed or am i more bi-polar?
I was thinking maybe an augment like Risperidone

I tried abilify and it gave me vertigo for a couple hours had to go to ER

I also take xanax .25 mg as needed

I am also trying to get an appointment with a cbt therapist

I guess im venting more than asking a question I just dont know what else to do I get these feelings of being scared like a kid scared of the dark, i get it for no reason sorta of a panic attack but without the focus on fear of something killing you just scared

thanks for listening

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replied June 15th, 2009
Hi ~
I'm no Dr but you sound like you maybe bi- polar.I've had depression too since I was a teen and I'm old now.Well, I'm in my 50' to your age I would seem old. What I can't deal with is getting anxiety,when I become overwhelmed this is when I get a panic attack.Is this what happens to you? I never had a PA until I was in my 40's and I had a tough childhood, plus my life hasn't been real "rosey".My Dr. has suggested Rx Buspar,you take it everyday and it's suppose to help.I haven't taken this yet.I agree with you about the anti depression meds,I've tried almost all of them and the side effects made me worse, or they put weight on me.I do take Wellbutrin 2 times a day and have generic Xanac when I'm going to "freak out" as I put it.I too get those thoughts of suicide. It's NOT fun to feel this way,it's VERY terrible as a matter of fact.My Dr is gone for a wk, but when she returns I'm sure she'll give me Buspar.I'll let you know how I feel,ok?Try to hang in there......... Smile
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replied June 15th, 2009
Thanks for the reply
My psychiatrist says I have symptoms of bi-polar but he wouldnt label me as bi-polar

ya please let me know, even though it might not matter since we dont have the same brain what works for you might not work for me thats the crappy part.

i have dealt with anxiety when I was young and panic attacks i went to a therapist for a couple months back then and it helped because I can cope now. If I start to get anxious I dont get freaked out I just learned how to calm it down, but still there are times when I cant handle it and then I get depressed and just feel scared.

how does wellbutrin work for you? im thinking it might be causing my anxiety, increasing your dopamine which is sort of like adrenaline doesnt seem like a good drug for anxiety dissorders
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replied June 15th, 2009
Your welcome.........thanks for replying to me.Were here on this earth to help each other,this is one of the reasons why were here.You are right we don't have the same brain or the same body, technically we are related,but that doesn't matter.This is why they make different meds for one condition.My Mom has depression,she had it ever since I could remember.she would get me so confused due to her mental illness which in turn brought on some abuse.I have trouble with low self esteem or self worth.I'm sure some of my problems stem from this also.These conditions are inherited,do you have a parent with a mental illness? I seem pretty good on the Wellbutrin, and had anxiety long before I was on it.I was originally put on Paxil,that had a ton of side effects I had to deal with in the beginning,got over that bump and was on it for 6 yrs.It made me gain weight though, so I went off it.Your Dr needs to find out if you are bi-polar or have depression.I have the latter.I can sometimes "tell myself" to not "freak out" and it works but, if I have too much stress and insanity in my life then on comes PA.I have other health problems too, so this I'm sure adds to my PA & depression issues.Since 2006 my life has been horrible,my Mom has alzheimers an I had to take over being POA...this is a TON of stress,my dog became a diabetic..I give her 2 insulin shots a day,then I lost my house & our savings,then my husband got pnemonia and almost died this yr.Then I got terribly sick with tonsilitus..had it for 4 mos.So, no wonder I'm out of my mind huh? Ask your Dr about the Buspar,ok? then let me know what they say.Smile
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replied June 15th, 2009
my mom had panic attacks for a bit i think she just took a xanax or some other benzo.

I dont really have a bad history at all my dad wasnt the best father figure but I was never abused or anything ao it just seems my brain was wired to do this.

You have a much more depressing and stressful situation than I do not to be mean, how do you do it? Its frustrating feeling tight in the chest all day every day

ill ask him thanks.
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replied July 31st, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
You are on optimal therapy of best drugs.
I would suggest you psychotherapy sessions like CBT.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
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