User Profile
Please read!! Please help me TToTT

Hi, I'm 17, and will turn 18 on the 14th of march.
I'm lonely, tired, depressed and hate my life.
I'm just not happy anymore.

Of course my friends are real darlings and stuff, they haven't got anything to do with this feeling..

But it's most definitely the feeling that I hate the most.
Feeling depressed makes me want to do nothing at all, there are games I can play and homework I can make and tests to learn, or hobbies to do, plenty of stuff! But I don't want to do anything because I feel depressed.

And lately I've been questioning about my life..
because I'm sick of it I've been thinking of ending it, but came to realize it's just a foolish thing to do and I would make everyone sad. And being depressed isn't a good reason to end your life..

Why I'm depressed?
My mother died in juli and grandma short thereafter, thanks to that my home situation is kind of messy to put it gently. And now that Christmas is coming and dad doesn't want to celebrate it only makes it worse, we don't even have a Christmas tree. And Christmas is hard because it's about being with the ones you love, and the ones we love are dead.

Also, I'm very lonely..
Not friends again, a different kind of lonely.
I've been having a bf over the internet for almost a year now, and in the end it didn't work out, then we just flickered on and off, but lately it's going good again, but we broke each others hearts, and I'm not really taking him seriously anymore. We never met in real life anyway.

And school is totally tiring me out, I had 3 days from 8:00 till 4:30, and today started at 8:00 again and we had this big test which I totally messed up.

lately I feel so bad I sometimes cry,
I'm also very insecure about my future, I've been having these plans on becoming either: singer, actress, mangaka(cartoonist), voice-actor or animator, and maybe language teacher. But lately I think that my school isn't working towards any of it, well of course, because school isn't like a university.
But lately I'm hesitating, I've always limited my options to these, but I want to know if there might be more jobs that interest me, and I also want to know how these jobs work in reality. To see how a day in the life of any of these jobs look like, to see if it is really what I want to do lately.

I'm also sick of being in this house.
The house is falling apart, my room hasn't changed a bit since I was 8 years old, except for the ceiling which is coming down. (causes some nasty dust)
I'm not much of a family person, I've always been on my own and in my room much. Because my interests are so different then my brother or father. And I'm very busy with school, so I only see them around dinner time and the rest of the day I'm in my room. I just want my own place, live in an environment I feel comfortable at, know what it's like to take care of my own.

I told my dad about this but he's just someone I can't talk to.
I've opened up to him telling how I feel and what I think, but he just starts talking about how I need to start cooking and doing my own laundry here at home first.

A pretty mean thing to say seeing how I feel and how busy I am with school!!

My friends already advised me to get out more, meet some more people, but that isn't as easy as saying it. How I'm like depends on my mood, when I'm depressed I'm usually shy, quiet, aggressive and stuff, like I'm going to explode and want to get this thing out of me, but don't know how, and I can make weird growls or roars, or screams, but it just doesn't leave. But when I'm happy I easily talk to others and am usually very active and hyper, as if I've had to much sugar.

Also my heart friend hasn't got any family left at all, her mother died a few months before mine this year, only her dad but he doesn't care for her and is away most of the time. She's 1 year younger then me and is now going to live on herself with her boyfriend, because she's pregnant. I think she's to young and told her how I think, but she wants to keep it.
One day she came on msn and told me how she misses the love of family and their care, I told her she can borrow mine if she wants to.
As for myself, I want to escape from being in the same house with my family, I'm sick of being dependent and being in this house and living this life! And all my life I've wanted to have a baby and still, but not now because I want to have a house and a job first, and therefore i must finish my education, and go to university. Not to mention a loving partner I long for more then anything. The point is my feeling, whenever i think about it I get a bad feeling, a mixture of jealousy and worries about her life.
For the things I can't have because of circumstances, she's now having. And for the mental development she has yet to finish, and me too, it just doesn't feel good.

I just want to get rid of this depressed feeling, caused by these main reasons, but also a billion side things. Because at school I don't feel like working at all, and have to hold my tears back. And at home I have a hard time focusing on my school work, and nothing is fun to do anymore.

I feel like I'm locked up in this phase of life, I can't leave the house because I don't have money to live on myself, I can't explore career paths because school makes me so busy, I can't focus on anything basically because of this feeling, making me uncomfortable talking to strangers, and it's like I have to wait until I finish school and university before my happiness begins, and it's a long depressing wait, it's horrible.

Please help, please as soon as possible and don't hesitate to post!
I'm so desperate!!!
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied December 19th, 2008
hey
it's seems as if u don't love yourself, you should start getting back on your feet i know that losing some one or more hurts dearly but u have to learn to accept that it's life i guess it was their time to go, i'm pretty sure ur mom n grandma thinks about you all the time. you should be happy that their with god and i'm pretty sure that they misses u a lot. now living with your dad i'm pretty sure he feels the same as u do but i guess he doesn't want to express his feelings because he probably doesn't want you to be sad plus maybe the way he was brought up he was raised to be an open person. u have to understand that maybe he is in financial problems that's why u don't have what u want for christmas and maybe it's because in some tradition it's not good to celerbrate a holiday after someones death within a year.

u have to start learning how to make yourself feel happy, everyone is sad in someways but u have to learn to co-op with it, like having a hobby or just even finding something to entertain yourself. u have some anger issues that u need to learn to control it because if u don't than u will incease the level of stress plus heart attack it's just not healthy at all and no one would want to hang out with a person like that. i find it very unattractive when someone throughs out an anger tandrum around other people it seems as if they don't have any manners. u should take deep breathes and express your feelings when your alone atleast when ur alone u can scream and shout.

u want to get ride of stress well u should eat healthy and exercise daily, exercising daily helps to release a chemical in your brain that will make u feel happy.

u should focus in school and aim high that will surely make ur dad very happy and proud and it will benefit u.

u should learn to accept the person who u are and start improving on all the negative like being more optimistic/positive. try not to be so insecure, look in the mirror and start appreciating n loving yourself. if it makes u uncomfortable meeting new people then u should start taking socail classes that will help to feel and be comfortable around others.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 19th, 2008
it's seems as if u don't love yourself, you should start getting back on your feet i know that losing some one or more hurts dearly but u have to learn to accept that it's life i guess it was their time to go, i'm pretty sure ur mom n grandma thinks about you all the time. you should be happy that their with god and i'm pretty sure that they misses u a lot. now living with your dad i'm pretty sure he feels the same as u do but i guess he doesn't want to express his feelings because he probably doesn't want you to be sad plus maybe the way he was brought up he was raised to be an open person. u have to understand that maybe he is in financial problems that's why u don't have what u want for christmas and maybe it's because in some tradition it's not good to celerbrate a holiday after someones death within a year.

u have to start learning how to make yourself feel happy, everyone is sad in someways but u have to learn to co-op with it, like having a hobby or just even finding something to entertain yourself. u have some anger issues that u need to learn to control it because if u don't than u will incease the level of stress plus heart attack it's just not healthy at all and no one would want to hang out with a person like that. i find it very unattractive when someone throughs out an anger tandrum around other people it seems as if they don't have any manners. u should take deep breathes and express your feelings when your alone atleast when ur alone u can scream and shout.

u want to get ride of stress well u should eat healthy and exercise daily, exercising daily helps to release a chemical in your brain that will make u feel happy.

u should focus in school and aim high that will surely make ur dad very happy and proud and it will benefit u.

u should learn to accept the person who u are and start improving on all the negative like being more optimistic/positive. try not to be so insecure, look in the mirror and start appreciating n loving yourself. if it makes u uncomfortable meeting new people then u should start taking socail classes that will help to feel and be comfortable around others.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied December 19th, 2008
Experienced User
YOu don't seem to be getting my point at all o.o;

1st why did you think i was angry? I'm depressed and sad, but I'm not angry and stressed and violent like you describe.

2nd. I excersize a lot

3rd. I already accept myself and do my hobbies, but nothing makes me happy anymore. And I don't feel uncomfortable around others, I just don't know how to start a conversation with them or make new friends.

4rth. my father doesn't have financial problems yet.
in fact, he spends a lot of money on me and himself.
He just doesn't want to celebrate christmas because it is a painfull memory to my mother for him.

5th. My dad doesn't feel like me at all, probably the loss of a partner is very different then that of a mother. Besides, it's not just the loss that is an issue here, it's just a part of the many issues in my life.

thanks for wanting to help me.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....