So...I'm a 16 year old girl who have been through a lot in my life. Many of my relatives died during the past 16 years and one of them was my mum who I have lost at the age of 13. I keep on thinking of my mum every single moment and many times I cry a lot when I think very deeply of her. I find myself asking why have I lost my mum at this age and when I need her the most.

I also think about death and suicide continuously. I've thought about suicide at the age of 11 when who was one of my best friends at that time offended me. This person wrote a letter to me which told that I am the worst friend ever. I began to think of suicide methods especially hanging.

A few months after my mum died, I felt very depressed again and I took many pills for nothing, hoping that those will kill me. I've spent about a week being sick because of these pills and then I didn't go to school for a month and a half. During those days I barely ate anything and I spent those days sitting on my bedroom floor and I locked the door too.

I am also feeling depressed about another thing. I am really ugly and fat. I've been told that I'm fat a lot by my father and whenever he says it,I begin to starve myself. About 3 weeks ago,a guy from my school said that I'm ugly. Another guy told me that I'm fat,ugly and I smell bad just because I told him to sit down near me,as I was trying to make friends. I am depressed by this and I started to starve myself again,eating only a single piece of bread everyday. I get strong headaches and stomach aches but I don't really care and I keep on starving myself so that no one calls me fat again. But it still remains that I'm really ugly. Many people tease me about my acne too. Another thing which makes me feel depressed is that I don't have any good friends in which I can trust in and also I never had any relationships. I feel really sad about this, especially when I look around and I see happy people,talking with their friends and kissing their boyfriends. Of course, no one is going to pick me up and tell me to go out with him because yes, I am really ugly. I think that I was destined to be like this and I really hate my life.

I'm too shy to go and seek help in real life but I've tried to make friends loads of times,but these people rejected me. Is there some things that I can do to improve my life? Thanks a lot.
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replied November 8th, 2008
Active User, very eHealthy
You can have a happy life. I'm not just blabbing - it's the truth. If you want to talk, just PM me, for example, ok?
Really, you will be ok.
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replied November 28th, 2008
Please!! don´t feel that bad!!! I wanna tell you some things that maybe can help you:

First of all, don´t feel sad because of your acne, if it´s so big, maybe you just have an hormone inbalance (Excuse my English please, It´s not my native language) There is a simple solution (If that is the problem, you have to go to the doctor and have some tests) well, the solution may be just contraceptive pills, they adjust your hormones so you won´t have acne no more.

And, if you don´t try this, just look to adults, any adult have acne in their faces, so when you grow up, you won´t have acne. Time to time...

Don´t feel you are ugly. In my teen years people used to call me that too, even people I didn´t really knew... Teens are cruel, and they ALL are insecure, they need friends and the easier way to make friends is to insult the ones who are not like them. NO teen is beautiful, between your child and teen years, your nose, eyes, mouth... grow separately, but then you are on your 20s, they fit again. The only different between you and the popular girls in your class may be the makeup, the clothes and the hair style. I advise you that you should look in Youtube ways of use makeup and to have your hair done, and to check the shops catalogues just to see how they coordinate the clothes. I know all this may sounds superficial, but I believe that being in love with ourselves is the best way to make others love us.

The best thing too, if you feel alone, is to see what are the things you most like (A film, a book, a singer...) and start to write in a forum of that topic, you will meet people of your age with the same tastes as you, it´s a way of feeling protected and to have more friends.

Please, don´t feel alone, a lot of people felt the same as you. When I was 16 I asked myself why I wasn´t able to make friends, and where normal people where... Now I´m in my 20s, I can tell you that after looking into my soul and after learning from my mistakes (Sometimes it´s not only others fault) I´m just as happy as ever, I´ve made good friends.

Please, don´t stop eating, Where your parents overweight? If they weren´t, maybe the problem is the kind of food you eat, not the quantity. In that case, you may look for healthy food, for example the "Mediterranean diet".
If your parents were overweight, you just have to acept that. some of my friends are fat and they are happy, popular and they have boyfriends, physicist isn´t everything in life, you can have a great smile of anything else, there are not much Claudia Schiffers around, you´ll find a nice guy in the future.

The most important right now it to be close to your father (As long as he is a nice person to you) some tricks to know him better is to play with him to games (Monopoly, trivial...) They help to develop a friendship, I can asure you I´ve known my father more in a Monopoly game more than in all my life.

I hope my advices helped you, and I hope you understood everything xD. I know how sad the teen years are, but you will grow up and you´ll find out that you are as everyone else. kiss

You´ll be beautiful!!!!

Best wishes.
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replied April 6th, 2010
Healing Yourself
I don''t know if you''ll see this, but I''m near positive that the above two comments are coming from extroverted people; they''re quite outgoing. This is coming from an introverted guy, and I''ll be honest, I haven''t been through anything like you''ve been through. I''m sixteen and I''ve been struggling with clinical depression for at least four years. First off, dont try to hurt yourself. You''re hurting enough already, and it WILL get better, because this too shall pass. The odd thing about my depression is that I was sick with this for at least four years and nobody even thought, not even my family, that it could be depression. It''s almost as if depression was just introduced to our family when they found out about me being this way. The only thing I can tell you that will help you is that you must go see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Speak to your family, somebody outside your family, speak to them about it, even if your are very shy and depressed. Tell them exactly what you are going through. Someone will help you to gather up money, to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Once you do this, you will talk to them and they will diagnose you. This may all seem expensive, but think of it this way: what''s more valuable than a human beings life? What price can you put on that? Don''t kill yourself, I''ve thought of it too, believe me, I have trouble looking at knives after my incident. So you''ve hit near the bottom. Your mother is gone; you can''t go much lower. What can hurt you now? I hope you see this, because I want so bad for you to heal. I want myself to heal also, but someone else, anybody, along with me. You''re not ugly, thats just garbage. Dont listen to that. We are not just going through "sad teen years", people who have never felt this depressed, lonely, unmotivated have no earthly idea. If you can get through this with psychological and psychiatric help, you will take more out of these years than you know, and will be a much, much better person than those around you now who are enjoying themselves. You and I can''t just choose to be happy; we physically, literally can''t. Our chemistry in our brain is not doing what its supposed to. All it takes is for those chemicals to get back to doing what they are supposed to. And that requires the help of a medicine. Look to the person you know best; the one that loves you most. Tell them you need this help, this healing, and that you are a danger to yourself. If they have any conscience at all, they will try to help you. I''m going through what you are, and I don''t know why, but there has to be hope. There has to be healing. You''re not alone.
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replied April 9th, 2010
Active User, very eHealthy
Hi, there,

Firstly, let me tell you that you are wrong. I''m not sure about the second person, but I am an introverted person, and a truly reserved being.
But it does not mean that I can''t have a strong or more positive point of view about certain things.

I do agree with most of things that you mention. People must believe that they can do for themselves and that there''s a solution for everything in life (ok, almost everything). Having the right people around is really neat to happen, actually.
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